Freedom

Bertie

2009-10-25T13:06:00.002+08:00

I think it looks nicer and would be a better read if I were to put everything together and upload them as pdf files. Blog posts were not meant to be so lengthy.

So, in reading order:

1. Nervous

2. Messages

3. Point of no return.

Anyway this is just a small project on my part to make myself articulate again, not so much of to lament whatever that came out of that particular interaction with a certain individual :)

I've not written anything proper for a long time and it was most fun to work on creating this story. Wrong, to narrate this story. I tried my best to keep it as accurate and as authentic as possible in terms of events and the feelings of Bertie. Everything that was written was through Bertie's eyes and whatever it was that he felt. Clara was not consulted at all and hence, nothing written with regards to her. This story is not meant to portray anyone negatively. I did practise censorship when whatever it was that i wrote made someone else sound bad. I went through this story a gazillion times and I deem it neutral, if not, somewhat friendly.

I do think this is a fun read.

:)

Point of no return

2009-10-18T18:01:00.003+08:00

Bertie woke up. It was IPPT day and he was anxious. He started preparing. “Calm down, you’re going to do just fine.” Bertie whispered to himself. He went to wash up, and had his breakfast of granola bars and red bull (gives you wiiings). He had to have all the energy he needed. He kept shifting his thoughts to what he was about to embark on, rather than to let it slide to what ever happened last night. Bertie went over the stations in his head, making mental notes of what he should do, what he should watch out for. But there was a certain heaviness in his heart. Bertie made himself think positive but he still could not shake it off.

Bertie cleared all the stations, with results good enough for gold. All that was left was the run now. He had to complete 2.4KM with timing of 9min44sec or below. It was difficult, it was tough. Bertie had to prove that he was tougher and stronger than this.

…3, 2, 1 and the runners were flagged off. Bertie was one of the first few, but not the first. He understood his body and knew he was doing well at his current pace. He was 5th at the time the run started. Bertie ran and it got painful, the healthy kind of pain that comes when you’re getting out of breath. It was so much like a fight. After the first KM, his legs were telling him to stop but his mind said to press on. Usually when runs get real painful, Bertie will always zone out for a second. For that split moment, Bertie will make some weird promise to no particular omnipresent being: If I don’t stop running, and continue to run as hard, I will get …..” Everyone knew what it was that he wanted.

Bertie did get Gold in the end. It was a most painful ordeal. Bertie did feel good for a while but the fact that he wasn’t going to any party the next day did cast a shadow over him. A very huge one. It was a very strange thing for to get IPPT gold, Bertie invested time and energy to work out and to keep fit months beforehand. Now that his hard work came to fruition, he should be nothing less than euphoric. There was this group of friends that concluded Bertie was one easy guy to please. To get the results he wanted after all the hard work, Bertie should have partied on the spot or something. He should at least be smiling. But no, Bertie looked somewhat dejected to say the least.

Bertie went back to an empty room and went to wash up. He laid on his bed and texted Clara:
Bertie – Hey man, I’m sorry if I behaved like a baby last night. I was really disappointed though I know I shouldn’t be. After all, it’s your friend’s birthday, and I thought too much… Anyway, I GOT GOLD FOR IPPT!
Clara – Heyyy, don’t have to apologize, not your fault. Or you can get your friends to go Clark Quay on Saturday too? Don’t want you to feel left out cause there’ll be quite a number of us there. Yeah… That’s good, you must be damn, damn happy right? Ha-ha.
Bertie – Nah, not that happy, more of tiring…
Bertie was really not happy. He really wanted to go to that party. And he started texting the rest of his mates if they wanted to go to Clark Quay the next day.

Bertie did mention something about the gift he made and he was set to meet Clara the following day.

Bertie went home and had a pretty lame Friday night. He was off to a friend’s birthday party but he did not enjoy himself one bit. He was such a zombie, moping around, lamenting to himself why he was suddenly uninvited. He was “the saddest bitch ever on a Friday”. As what his Facebook’s status said.

As much as Bertie hated that feeling, he could somewhat sense that he and Clara was getting distant. The messages seemed cooler, or even aloof, as I would say.

Saturday came, and Bertie was on a mission: to make a card for Phoebe. He told Clara he made something for Phoebe already and he could definitely not go back on his word. He woke up especially early because he knew he was slow and needed time to produce something of quality. Bertie was such a girl. He fretted over the lack of coloring materials, that there wasn’t any quality paper to make cards with and that he did not know how the card should look like. Bertie is not exactly someone you call creative and he needs all the inspiration he can get through sights and sounds before developing an idea. After much hair-pulling on possible ways to do up the card, he got off his chair and headed to the nearest Popular store to get materials. For the first time in his life, Bertie spent so much effort on Art & Craft. It was his least favourite subject from Primary School through Secondary school and couldn’t give so much of a damn even when it came to decorating his class notice board. It just wasn’t his kind of thing, he asserted.

Bertie had a hard time making the card. Scissors weren’t his favourite stationery and somehow when everything was done up with glue, it just did not look like how it should have been in Bertie’s head. Bertie is a perfectionist when it comes to his personal endeavors and though it did not turn out as nice as he thought it would be, it was still a beautiful birthday card. It was outstandingly well done. Anyone can see that tons of effort went into it. Bertie had not made a birthday card in a very long time and even he thought it looked not too bad. He was proud of his work and he was sure Phoebe would like it. And hopefully, with a wee bit of luck, Clara will like him a little bit more.

There wasn’t much of a Saturday afternoon left when the birthday card was done. A lot of time was spent on the card but Bertie didn’t mind. While the sun set, Bertie was furiously trying to convince the rest of his friends to go Clark Quay that night.

No such luck. But he did convince this one friend though, Collin. So long as there’s company! Both of them were to be joining this other friend of theirs who was out with his camp mates. They were to be clubbing at Rebel that night. That was the last thing on Bertie’s mind. The only thing that was important to him was to see Clara. Bertie still wanted to talk to Clara and tell her whatever it was that he had planned to say. “Hopefully she’s receptive to me tonight!” Bertie was most optimistic.

Bertie got dressed. And for good luck’s sake, he wore this new top he bought recently. Looking fine and dandy Bertie was! Bertie almost forgot the card when he left house.

Just when he was about to leave, his intestines rumbled and he was sure he had a whirlpool in his stomach. He dashed for the toilet and had a tsunami of a vomiting. Very literally, Bertie was brought to his knees. It was a nasty sight. It was so bad, it … it was just plain bad. (Let’s not gross you out with the description of what happened).

Bertie was completely rattled. Must have been the crazy dinner his dad brought back from the workplace. Once he cleaned himself up, with 2 rounds of Listerine to disinfect his mouth, no less, Bertie went to his room, grabbed a scrape of left-over coloured paper from the making of Phoebe’s birthday card and penned a note to Clara with much urgency and ferocity. He wrote down whatever it was that he wanted to tell Clara. Bertie had not planned to do this but instinct told him to. Bertie never had such a strong hunch, and had never felt more compelled to pen his thoughts, his emotions, and his affection for someone. Bertie had never been more spontaneous and he poured his heart out onto that small piece of orange paper. It felt like the one thing he should do, it felt like right thing to do. Never was he more inspired.

It was a completely strange affair. Somehow after belching all those foul things he ingested, something went lose in his head. And like a breached dam wall, a lot of stuff came out. Surely this must be the work of some omnipresent being: Bertie was completely not being Bertie to be writing such things.

Okay, this note should be useful. I’ll slip it into her bag after telling her how I feel and it’ll make such a cute love letter. Bertie chuckled to himself. And just in case I forget to say some things, this should supplement! Bertie smiled. Tonight should be great!

“I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas was on loop in Bertie’s head on the bus. Bertie was upbeat.

Upon reaching Clark quay, Bertie and Collin went to Rebel to get tickets. 11.28pm, they got the $15 tickets, just in time with 2 minutes to spare. That must be a good sign! They then proceeded to find that friend of theirs who was with his NS mates. After chilling a little, Bertie was off to find Clara. Collin was real adorable; he went with Bertie to provide moral support! With the second reason being, just in case Bertie was given a proper invite, Collin would either get invited through Bertie or, he would go home if Phoebe’s friend weren’t keen on Collin joining. Whatever it was, Collin was being supportive.

Bertie walked briskly. He was most energetic and most eager to see Clara. After all, he concluded he liked Clara a lot. He was hopeful.

Bertie was at Social House in no time. Phoebe was going to be having her 19th birthday celebration here. Bertie sat on the concrete bank, looking out for Clara. His hands were cold, he was slightly nervous. He pretended to yawn: “Ok, my breath is fresh”. Bertie looked around, saw some pretty people and oddly, he wasn’t interested. He looked up and there Clara was, he hadn’t notice her as he thought that was just another group of people hanging outside the club. She was talking to someone and hadn’t notice Bertie too. Bertie stood up and was about to approach her when Bonnie popped out of nowhere and pulled him by the arm back to where he was.

“HEY BERTIE! Hi! Come over, we’re doing up this birthday card for Phoebe, and you’re gonna be writing in it! Come, come, we don’t want to ruin this surprise for Phoebe.” Bertie was stunned by the sudden appearance of Bonnie and her frenzy. It wasn’t until after half a second later that he regained his composure and comprehended what Bonnie was talking about.

“Alright, let’s get a picture of you in the card. Smile!” Bonnie whipped out a very familiar looking Polaroid camera and peered through the aperture.

“Ohhhhhhh! Ok!” Bertie gave a really wide grin with a double “V for victory sign”.

“Yay! Anyway, Clara’s over there.” Bonnie pointed to Clara. “Hey Clara, Bertie’s here!” She cheered. Clara gave a weak smile as she turned her head.

“Yeah, okay.” Bertie thanked Bonnie and approached Clara.

“Hey! Great to see you!” Bertie beamed.

“Hi.” Clara replied.

It was most discouraging for Clara did not make eye contact. She turned her head when she greeted Bertie and then continued to engage in that friend of hers, body away from Bertie.

“Can I talk to you for a bit?” Bertie asked.

“Yeah, give me a moment.” Clara said. She did not look at Bertie one bit.

Bertie felt his heart sank.

“Hi Bertie! I didn’t know you’d be coming! How nice of you!” Phoebe glowed. The Birthday girl did look pretty that night.

“Definitely! Came to pass this card to you. Happy Birthday! Anyway my friends are at Rebel at the moment.” Bertie handed Phoebe the card and gave a most happy smile as he wished the birthday girl.

Phoebe was somewhat amazed by the card Bertie gave. She had only seen him twice, and the first meeting was when she was high on alcohol. Phoebe thanked him and passed the card to Clara, who brought her handbag, for safe keeping before being whisked away by Bonnie to some other place while the rest of the gang of her friends continue to do up the card.

“Hey, can we talk for a bit?” Bertie asked Clara again.

“Yeah, I’ll be done soon, wait a while?” Clara replied. But still, she did not make eye contact with Bertie.

This time, Clara was talking to a random friend of hers who just walked up and started a conversation about the last time he went clubbing and how his friends were talking and laughing about it. Bertie could not have been more dejected. Clara completely deleted Bertie’s queue number from her computer.

Bertie turned to look at Bonnie. Bonnie was one busy girl. She seemed to know everyone there and was taking pictures and talking to everyone of them. Bertie caught Bonnie’s eyes and she introduced him to a particular Clarissa, Rachel and some other girl. Bertie gave a most polite smile when introduced.

Bertie could sense Clara glance at him while he was being introduced and while communicating with other people. Bertie had to show that he was cool, and did not turn to look at Clara. He wanted to show that his attention was elsewhere, and that it was not solely committed to Clara.

Clara continued to chat with other people. That guy she last talked to bailed and now, she was talking to some other person. How nice of her, Bertie thought. He felt so sour he could taste it.

Then, this real good friend of Bonnie came over and chatted up Bertie. Bonnie’s friend was a complete social animal and Bertie was completely comfortable talking to him. That and the fact that Bertie wanting to portray a completely confident and sociable image made Bertie open up more. Or, it was that swig of vodka he had before going over to Social House. It was completely impressive, Bertie’s people-skills, as he talked and communicated. For once he appeared smooth.

Bonnie asked Bertie to go over to the queue and get the tickets with the rest of the guy friends but he declined. “Nah, I can’t, until she agrees...” Bertie responded, looking over to Clara.

Clara turned to Bertie and gave a most puzzling disapproving look. It looked like a frown but there was something in her eyes that said “I want, but I can’t”. But the overall message Bertie gathered was that he shouldn’t be there. Clara couldn’t even bother looking at Bertie in the eyes the whole time he was there.

Bertie thought it was the thing about Clara not wanting Bertie to feel left out because the whole group there had never seen Bertie once in their lives. So he persisted.

Bertie was talking to Bonnie’s friend again and somehow the topic turned to how Bertie has yet to get the tickets. The party was about to start anytime.

“Well, I’m waiting for her. It completely depends on her if I can go or not. She doesn’t exactly want me here because she thinks I’ll be left out with all of you here, but I’m shameless when it comes to meeting new people.” Bertie asserted.

Everyone, including Clara, smiled and Bonnie laughed. That was comic relief to the strain between Clara and Bertie.

“Aiya, it’s okay! It’s just clubbing, she’ll let you come next time!” Bonnie’s friend consoled Bertie.
“Yeah, don’t worry, I’m strong. I’ll get over it.” Bertie quipped, and pretended to look most rueful.

Everyone laughed this time. Bertie had just established himself to be a humorous guy.

Clara was involved in that conversation, kind of. She stopped talking to her friend when Bertie was talking and now that he was done, when Bertie turned to look at her, Clara turned and approached some other person.

Clara made Bertie felt like such a pest.

Bertie grew hopeless. He supposed it was time to give up trying to talk to her.

Clara was still busy with her friend at the moment. Bertie stood around. It felt terrible to lose Clara’s attention. Bertie hated the feeling of losing. He wanted so very much to grab Clara by the elbow, take her to a quieter spot and tell her how he felt. He only needed that and the party can go screw itself. It was at that moment of despair and of Clara’s apparent ruthlessness that Bertie got over the fact that he wasn’t going to the party and to not be having time with Clara. The fact that he so wanted to be part of the party was to be able to tell Clara how he felt. Have a heart-to-heart talk for once. He really liked Clara and believed it was only right to tell her. After all, they were 20 year-olds who should be more than matured enough to take ownership of their feelings, Bertie thought. What could be so wrong to tell someone that you like her? It’s not like I’m even going to propose to make her my girlfriend, why can’t she give me a chance? Bertie was most baffled and traumatized.

Bertie looked at Clara’s handbag. Of the 3 exterior pockets, the right-most had its button undone. Bertie reached into his pocket, dug out the piece of note and tapped it into that pocket. He then buttoned the pocket, to give Clara the impression that he was helping her do up that button.

Bertie took a deep breath and sigh. He touched Clara’s elbow and asked in the most hopeful manner: “So not tonight?”

“Not tonight… I think you should join your friend at Rebel.” Clara replied. She looked at Bertie in the eye and then looked down. There was something about that gaze that was most puzzling. She did look crestfallen for a split second and there was almost an aura of guilt about that. The way she said it did not sound definite either. It was like she did not exactly want to chase Bertie away but had to for some unknown reason. Clara then forced a strained smile: that particular smile that are in those facebook photos of hers, the smile that was given while posing for pictures, the smile that reeked of superficiality. It was either to console Bertie that everything was fine or to tell everyone else that Bertie’s presence didn’t mean anything. Bertie could not decide, Bertie was paralyzed.

Those 2 words did more than enough damage to break his heart. It felt really bitter. No, it felt more than bitter for Bertie. Bertie was absolutely crushed. His mind was a complete blank; he did not even know what else to say. Everything that was in his mind just 15 minutes ago vanished and all that was in his head was to get out of the scene as quickly as possible.

“Okay, not tonight.” Bertie murmured. He almost choked for his throat turned really dry. For once he made eye contact with Clara that night. He looked at Clara and smiled for a split second longer than what people would have had. Bertie thought Clara did look kind of cute that night. Bertie then waved goodbye. He turned around and bid goodbye to Bonnie too.

“Bye Bonnie! See you soon!” In a tone so cheery, yet so plastic it was almost awkward.

Bertie then walked towards Rebel. He walked rather briskly and he did not turn back to look at Clara. His disappointment was manifest, if Clara was even paying attention; Bertie kept looking up into the sky, like how tearful men crane their neck to give the belief that they’re defiant, and that they will hold their head high, amidst holding back the tears. Bertie likewise, was like that. He almost felt like crying. But no, he wouldn’t shed those precious volumes of natural saline solution for something this petty. Bertie did not curse nor swear. He asked only “Why?”

It didn’t take long for Collin to appear and say “It’s ok, man.” to a most depressed Bertie.

Messages

2009-09-25T15:49:00.005+08:00

Bertie was on the MRT train when Clara messaged him again. Phew. That must mean things weren’t as bad as they seemed just now. I always think too much, Bertie chided himself.

Messages were good. They always mean that she was interested in communicating. For 2 weeks already, Bertie still cannot stop smiling to himself when his phone vibrates and that the header of the screen says “Clara”. The hand phone was the one thing Bertie would not leave his room without, and the hand phone was the one thing that would not leave Bertie’s hands. He was visibly brighter, happier, and upbeat in his day to day activities. Somewhat different compared to 2 weeks ago before he met Clara. His roommates could see the difference: he was more jovial, made more jokes, and was more involved. He was a better person, to say the least.

Saturday could just not have ended any better:
Clara - Thanks for the hug made me feel loved, haha. Nights

Bertie grinned, he knew for sure now. He really, really, really liked Clara. When he says “like” with 3 “really”-s, it must mean something. Love, to Bertie, was so strong a word not to be dispensed at will. To him, love is a word so strong, when used inappropriately, he’ll cringe. Physical aversion to a literary misapplication. So, he shall not use the word love in this case.

Bertie’s phone’s inbox gets full every 2 days from the messages. But he thoroughly enjoyed it. For the first time in his life, he had someone to talk to, or at the very least, someone he really likes talking to. And it is especially sweet when the person he likes talking to seems to like talking to him, too. Things never looked so good.

Everything went well from Saturday onwards. They flirted, chatted, heart-to-heart-ed. Well, kind of, for the heart-to-heart part, for it seemed like Bertie was more into the communicating. His messages were always around 2-message length while Clara’s messages hardly exceeded a message length. Once, he tried hinting to Clara if, you know, she could be more open:
Bertie - … am I very long-winded in my smses?
Bertie – Cause there was once, a girl commented that I text like a girl with my long messages. Hahaha

Bertie doubt Clara ever got the hint. Well, come to think of it, it did not exactly mean much when Bertie brought this up. The conversation they had at the moment through text messages was a completely random one. It hopped from her having a bad throat to her craving for pratas to something else of not much significance. Why was it not significant? Well, those messages were culled when Bertie went through his inbox to make way for new ones. Bertie have this peculiar habit of keeping messages that are of significance, which are “epic”; messages that reminds him of emotions or of certain events that happened. He is what I suppose, a sentimental person.

Things suddenly took a very serious turn for the worse.

It was Thursday evening. Like any other day, Bertie was happily texting Clara: how his day went, whatever interesting things that happened. Bertie was running out of conversation topics, and he asked:
Bertie – Hey man, what’s the plan for this Saturday, anyway?
There were no activities on Bertie’s phone for quite some time. Oh well, she must have been busy. Maybe she got off work late, maybe she was too caught up with meeting her friends, and maybe she was checking out with the rest of her friends what’s going on for Saturday. Yep, that must be it. It’s going to be her bestie’s birthday and there must for sure be a lot of details, Bertie thought.

The sky was dark already and Bertie was in his room idling. He together with the rest of his roommates had nothing to do. They were as usual, talking cock. He was really excited about the coming Saturday and he for sure could not wait to receive the next text. Bertie was so excited he fantasized about the coming weekend. He thought so hard about this coming Saturday he was going to get a hard-on from thinking any harder. He thought so much about this coming Saturday he was going to go mad from thinking about it anymore. Bertie was really excited; he was so excited he couldn’t be sure if he had told anyone he was going out with Clara this Saturday. Bertie chose to keep things like this private but this was pretty epic and he could have told a couple of people he was going to go out. It isn’t exactly bad but this meant that there were certain expectations to live up to, and that he was somehow obliged to tell his audience what happened. He could have told his roommates. But he couldn’t be sure.

Bertie saunter into his room. He was in his Operators’ room, chilling out to the music from the super cool speakers in their room. He reached his wooden cabinet and bent forward, squinting for the envelop image which meant that there was a new message. And there that envelop was, on the top left corner of the clock. Bertie grabbed his phone, shed his white Cotton-On slippers, leapt into the air, landed on his bed, hugged his pillow, unlocked his keypad and pressed the “Show” button. It took longer for the message to load and appear compared to the 5 actions he just did physically.

Bertie’s face was drained and he felt really sick. He felt his stomach do a front flip and his cheeks turned real cold.
“Oh no!!!! WHY?!?!” Bertie bemoaned. Bertie could feel his roommates turn to look at him; one of them said “Eh, what’s wrong with you, man?” Bertie’s eyes were fixed upon the screen of his battered Nokia:

Clara – Idk uh. Do u think its weird t bring u along t my friend’s bday party? Like, idk how to put it eh:/

Bertie seriously felt dreadful. He was far from disappointed. He was devastated. It felt so bad, it felt so sour, it felt just plain terrible. Bertie buried his head in the pillow. He so very looked forward to this Saturday. So many things were going on in his mind.

Bertie took a generous breathe and typed on his keypad (I swear his eyes were turning red):
Bertie – …. I thought I was invited, that your friends were cool with me and that I was wanted …. Anyway sorry for the late reply, was definitely not crying to myself.
(Due to one reason or another, the author is unable to write out the full message. It was a really long message Bertie typed and he cannot remember it. After all, his phone can’t store many messages. :)

With the gloomiest face in a very, very long time, Bertie dragged himself up, scooped his mug containing his toothbrush and toothpaste and went to wash up.

“What did I do wrong? Wasn’t Phoebe cool with me? I thought she liked me! Shirley is definitely cool with me, I mean, WE CHATTED ON FACEBOOK! Oh my god, was I too persistent? Did I asked her one time too many? But can’t be! Why on Earth would Clara not want me to be there? I thought I ‘clinched’ it last night! Oh no, I hope it’s not her friends who don’t like me…” Insecure was Bertie at this moment. His teeth definitely got brushed real thorough as he gazed into his thoughts. He was so dejected he could not even prop himself up and his left arm had to lean against the left of the mirror, just so. Bertie thought he looked sad for a moment.

He really was sad.

Clara – No la that’s not what I meant. ‘Cause its Phoebe’s birthday and her secondary school and outside friends will be there too. And Shirley asked my other friends from school too, and then I don’t want Phoebe to feel that I’m like inviting my friends when it’s her birthday. You get what I mean?..

Bertie – Okay, so you want the crowd to be kept to her immediate group of friends. Am I right to say that?

Clara – Yeah, something like that.. I let you know again if others are calling their friends? Sorry.. I feel so bad

The last four words did lighten the damage a little. Phew, at least she cares about how I feel, Bertie thought. So it’s not her then. Bertie then slid into bed, clamped his eyes and wished it was all but a bad move on Clara’s part. Bertie worked his persistence. His previous, previous message did sound sad and pitiful enough to make Clara feel bad.

Bertie’s characteristic persistence works most of the time. It need not work in such a way that it portrays Bertie wailing like a baby on the floor throwing a tantrum, but to phrase words in particular ways and manners to bring about his point. The one thing Bertie loved about text messages was, unlike talking in person, 100% of the communication boiled down to the language, words and tone. If only Bertie’s GP teacher could see how he worked his English in text messages to bring about his point; the teacher should be furious at Bertie for only if he could have done it in his GP script and got better than a “B” for ‘A’ Levels.

Bertie - :/ it’s ok. To be honest, I’m completely disappointed that I won’t have an as happy Saturday night but I’m somewhat heartened by you kinda want me there. Anyway I seriously already counted her as my friend and even made something for her. It’s nothing big though. Help me pass to her if I don’t get to go?

Ok, she must really be feeling bad about me not being able to go now, Bertie thought. The “made something for her”? It was a complete lie. But it was a necessary one. Surely Clara can’t reject even meeting Bertie for a moment to get the gift he made, or at least the one he said he made. It must take a lot for a guy to be making something for a girl. And the girl wasn’t even Clara; it was only Clara’s friend. Not only was this an excuse to meet Clara and possibly a proper invitation to the party now, it must have scored a couple of points on Clara’s impression of Bertie. Bertie is a scheming dick. (I can’t stand him sometimes.)

Clara – Don’t sound so sad, leh. Sorry I feel really bad.

Bertie whined over a message. How he had nothing on Saturday now, since he wasn’t invited to no party: how he had looked forward to meeting Clara. And for the first time since he started texting Clara, he bid her a goodnight first. Usually, he will hang on till Clara says goodnight, and then ending the conversation with another message. Bertie had always sent the last message. To him, it was to show that he was interested, and that he was keen in the conversation. More than that, to send the last message was a symbol as good as sending a girl home after an outing, for it was the most chivalrous thing anyone can do over the phone. But at that moment, he couldn’t care less. He had to show that he wasn’t happy, but in a most subtle way: everyone’s impression of Bertie so far had been that of a “He’s-so-nice-no-one-can-find-fault-with-him” kind.

Clara – I’ll try to squeeze some time to meet you, ok? Chin up :)

That was heartening, Bertie thought. Okay, I still am wanted, Bertie grimaced. He tried to smile to himself but he was so upset he tried a little too hard and he was sure the result was that of a grimace.

Bertie had IPPT the following day. But he sure as hell could not sleep. “I bet I’m gonna get gold tomorrow for shit just happened. Something must make up for all this nonsense that happened, surely something good must come my way.” Bertie reasoned. “And after I get gold, I’m gonna receive a message from Clara that says I’m invited, because more friends are gonna show up! Yes! And things will be back to the way it was! Happy people sending happy text messages!” Bertie was getting delusional. He was sinking into damage-control mode for he was so upset he made himself think positive, he had to inflate himself with some fantastic notion.

Bertie was real disturbed. He just could not understand why things could turn out so bad. It was just a simple party and now his plans for Saturday were ruined. Saturday was not just another clubbing session. Bertie was supposed to be Clara’s date. And he being her date meant he had to make it a special outing for her. He wanted to make it special for her. Bertie and Clara were talking about surprises just a day back. Bertie promised her a surprise on Saturday. Bertie was poking fun at her over messages and used “surprise” to pacify her tantrum. Bertie knew it was just plain teasing and humor on her part, but he still used “surprise” to coax her. It was not so much as to persuade Clara to text him back, but it was to make her look forward to Saturday. It was very much of to tempt her, to make her be eager of him, and to keep it “hot”.

Bertie did thought hard of how to surprise her! In fact, he had already put on his thinking cap the moment Clara zoomed off on bus 30. He had already come out with ideas, he had a plan. He had already made a mental note of where to go, when to check things out on Friday after his book-out. Bertie had it all planned. He was so close to executing it. So damn close. All the things he wanted to say, all the things he wanted to do wouldn’t mean anything now.

Bertie sulked to sleep that night. He for sure did not sleep well. The things he meant to do keep coming up in his head. He hadn’t been so unhappy in a long time.

I believe most of his anguish lies in that he won’t be living out the best, and possibly, the most romantic Saturday of his life. It was just not meant to be. What was his plan you ask? I don’t know, honestly. Bertie refuses to tell anyone. He says whatever he planned will just turn out to be something cheesy for those not involved. But just tell me! I pleaded (it’s like, DUH OF COURSE IT LOOKS CHEESY! WHICH LOVEY-DOVEY ACTION ON EARTH WON’T MAKE BYSTANDERS CRINGE?). I was so eager to know how much of a Romeo Bertie was. He kept quiet and gave a look that spelled such pain and disappointment. It was at that moment I knew I had to stfu.

Nervous

2009-09-12T01:17:00.012+08:00

It was a Saturday, Bertie gave Clara a hug. Bertie was so freaking nervous. He had wanted to hug Clara the whole day.

Well, they were dating, kind of, through text messages, and on Saturday very early morning (or veryyyy late friday night), Clara sooo very wanted a hug. That was what she said over the message. Bertie was out clubbing that night with his friends. He didn't exactly plan to club because he knew he wouldn't be enjoying it. He adored Clara. He thought about Clara. He missed Clara. The only girl he wanted at the moment dancing with him was Clara. Not that she was hot like Megan Fox, but Clara was the only one he adored. So why did he clubbed? 'cause all his buddies went!

So back to Saturday. Bertie so wanted to hug Clara and hold her hand. The thing is, Bertie was out with Clara and her buddies, Shirley and Phoebe. Well, any self respecting gentlemen just could not display their affection in the presence of people they know well. It would be plain awkward and somewhat uncomfortable for everyone present. So he fought the itch. The 4 of them walked, and walked down Labrador Park. It was their destination of choice for they do not know where to go. Bertie being a simple-minded, old-school, completely unfashionable small boy had no idea where everyone could hang out. He was struck by what he termed, the I-Do-Not-Know-Where-To-Go syndrome. It's a terrible disease and there are only 2 cures: a wallet with a thick wad of cash in it or, some super good idea. These ideas do not come by often and the wallet with cash in it never ever comes. Today was the day when he had neither. So they strolled, took photos and everyone pretended to be Dora the explorer with maps and cameras in hand. It was good fun. Real good fun. Bertie took photos for the 3 girls and the best part was, when he took a photo with that 1 girl. He grinned so wide he almost pulled a muscle. He has even got a Polaroid to prove it!

So the sun was about to set and Phoebe had to leave. She dropped the 3 of them at the City of Vivo and off she went down the road. Bertie was never to see Phoebe again until the Birthday. It was only a week to the Birthday and Bertie so looked forward to it. It was going to be the day where he will have the whole night to Clara and that no one will judge or even feel uncomfortable. That was the day to look forward to, Bertie thought.

So the 3 of them walked into the city, browsed around and decided to catch a show. Shirley decided that they should watch G-force, an animation where animated guinea pigs are superheros and save the day. "It was nice to have Clara's company." That was Bertie's only comment for the movie. (Okay, quite funny lah, the show. ;)

So after the movie, both girls decided to leave and they walked to the bus stop. Shirley somewhat sensed that she was beginning to glow and tried to make excuses to excuse herself. Bertie didn't want Shirley to make such an abrupt leave. It would be so not natural. So, he strike up a conversation and off the 3 of them walked to the bus stop.

At the bus stop, Bertie so couldn't wait for Shirley to leave. (Weird huh?). He had to hug Clara and tell her how he felt. There was a war going on in his head: "Do it now or else the bus will come and it's good game for you, loser." vs. "Paiseh lah, Shirley's around....". It must have been quite apparent the disagreement in Bertie's head for he was getting restless. He rocked, he folded his arms, he twitched his neck, he cracked his knuckles, his eyes hurtled in the direction of the incoming buses, hoping it wasn't 30. So some other bus came and Shirley decided to leave on that bus, and Bertie and Clara was alone.

The moment Shirley left, Bertie had an adrenaline rush. The kind of rush one normally feels at the beginning of a race or competition, when you know there's so much on the line in this fight. It was that kind of excitement that was raging in him. His heartbeat quickened so fast he thought he was going to hyperventilate. He resorted to stretching and to control his breathing, of course, while trying to be as smooth and as sleek as possible to not scare the hell out of Clara. Once he had his head, he walked up to Clara, extended his arms, voice wavering "...Can I, hug you-" and Clara embraced him, before he could finish intonating the question mark.

It felt so warm, so comforting. All the tension ceased and that felt good. That was all he wanted to do and finally, he got to do it. No amount of words will do justice to the relief and affection he felt. Bertie then told her how much he had enjoyed the day. That was pretty much what he got to say before being pushed into the cold of reality. Somehow the embrace ended and he did not remember initiating the break-up. But never mind. He stood really close to Clara and promised her "Next outing, I'll plan it!", while grinning like a mad monkey.

"But I won't be free next weekend," said Clara, for she had gatherings in the afternoon and the Birthday to attend in the evening.
"Oh.." Bertie flustered for a moment.
"Well, I hope I'm invited!" He blurted it out shamelessly.
"Haha, we'll see." Clara smiled.

Then, awkward silence.

Bertie glanced at Clara, no eye contact made. She was looking out into the traffic. He so hoped she'll just turn around just so he could look at her. No such luck.

"Rooooooaaaaaaarrrrr..... screeeeeeeeech!!!!!" 30 came. "Fuck!" Bertie thought. Clara turned for a quick goodbye wave and boarded the bus. He eyed her as she tapped her infrequently used EZ-link card, all the way till she sat down. She did not look out of the window one bit. Bertie had his right hand half-raised, all set to wave the friendliest goodbye should she look over. Nope, she did not look over. 30 roared out of the bus stop and Bertie stood on the spot for a second too long. He was so very, very, very slightly disappointed. So very slightly only. But he didn't want to feel that way. He refused to feel that way. Bertie gulped, took a hearty breathe and thought "any awkwardness was all my fault.". Then, he walked into the cold, alone, towards Harbourfront MRT station.

"Fuck, the last train better not be gone yet." Bertie whispered to himself.

We made it happen.

2009-09-05T14:11:00.004+08:00

Come Together: A Tribute to the Parade Participants

"Come together." Those two words could not have been more appropriate, more succinctly used, to describe the spirit of the National Day Parade 2009. Came together everyone did. From the old to the young, from professionals to school children, people from all walks of life, with the most diverse social profile. The participants came together, regardless of race, language or religion. They went on to put up the most spectacular parade.

When Chairman Ex-Co addressed the parade participants, he said something about them being the best, being the elite of Singapore for out of the population, they were the ones marching. Marching could just not be to advance in a stately and deliberate manner as an organization. It was more than that for this was the National Day Parade. To march in this parade was more of a show of the population’s strength. Of how the young and old stand in united effort atop the floating platform, firm and fixed. Firm and fixed like our predecessors. The determined people who transformed Singapore into what it is today. Firm and Fixed in their drills and movement upon commands. Definitely not to poke at our population being subservient to its leaders but rather, the will of the people to move as one, to move forward and on a grander scale, for the progress of our nation.

For the past few years, people have been talking about how “soft” this generation has turned out to be. How our generation lost their willpower to the wind, being completely dependent on parents, taken to playing FIFA 2009 on the PlayStation than to be playing proper soccer and everything else. Just because we aren’t the hardy independent kids brought up the same way they were. Sure enough, the Capteh kicking kids of the past seems way hardier than the GameBoy toting teenagers of the present but you cannot deny that our 14, 15 year olds are not as tough or as capable. In the blistering heat, the participants grimace and swelter. The same faces grimace for the whole period of 4 months. Coping with school examinations and busied with work on the weekdays and then the rehearsals on the Saturdays. One will think it is almost impossible and that only the military can accommodate this kind of punishing schedule. They could not have been more wrong; the civil contingents as with the military contingents could not have done better than to exceed themselves and the expectations of others. Surely the word “soft” cannot be associated with our parade participants.

The parade participants have shown themselves to be the best. From the population, they volunteered. This process of volunteering could have been an interesting one:

A member of the Uniformed Groups may have asked “Ma’am, I would like to take part in this year’s NDO. Can I join?”

Soldiers, Seamen and Airmen from the military contingents may have known each other within their contingent; their company was “arrowed” from “Higher up” to march, en bloc.

The Guard of Honor (GOH) contingents were probably told “You march because you’re the elite. This is to reward, recognize and showcase you as the elite defenders of our country!”

Some other member of the Social/Economic Group told his friend “Eh, Mr. Lee put my name down without asking me just because he had to submit names to HQ for this year’s NDP, so unfair, lah!”

These could have been the possible recollections of the participants at the start of the NDP journey. They may have offered themselves, could have been ordered to participate, for the pride of being in an elite organization or even felt obliged to join because their superiors at work said so.

Definition of voluntary: Done, given, or acting by choice. Each and every one of them made the choice to stay on. To get back up, even when they’re too tired to continue. To break into tears when they were told they will no longer be marching because they have fallen out too many times. To stay committed by attending all rehearsals on the weekends, shelf plans they have for the moment till after the parade. To bind to the cause of celebrating the Nation’s Birthday. Every single one of them made the choice to stay on and march.

To quit was not difficult. Excuses and reasons to give up will be at the top of everyone’s mind when the going gets tough. However, with the medical team having to stretcher off participants who collapse every other few minutes during the grueling afternoon practices is testament to the fighting spirit of the participants. They could have walked away from the dizzying heat but they pressed on till their body can no longer take the punishment. Despite falling out, these are the same participants who rejoin their contingents for the evening rehearsals. Just so that when it came to the shows, the preview and the actual parade, they can still be the proud faces standing shoulder to shoulder with the rest of their contingents proudly representing their organization as the best that Singapore has to offer.

The parade segment has always been the mainstay of the National Day Parade. From the inaugural parade at the Padang to the present parade at the floating platform, there will be the parade on National day. It will be the dedicated group of people marching on it, working tirelessly behind the scenes. Different faces each year but with the same level of dedication. Rising up to the occasion to make the parade as successful as it can be. Just as how Singaporeans have risen up for the peace and prosperity of our country.

Reflection of my NDP 2009 experience. Far from perfect. I've not written anything in a super long time so pardon my English, if it's bad.

Come Together.

2009-08-10T20:49:00.001+08:00

Still cannot believe that NDP 09 is over. All the work from 370309 till 090809. Completely enjoyed myself. I must say I'm real lucky to be able to be involved in the National Day Parade. Not just any National Day Parade, but National Day Parade 2009.

Looking back...I guess it was my good fortune when LTA Siow asked us specs "eh, who here wants to be involved in NDP? Will burn a lot of Sturdays one leh." My fat hand was the first to shoot up. I swore I heard the "woosh!" of the swift movement of my hand, followed by the crazy waving, attempting to catch the attention of the speaker, amidst the thousands of participants. But the thing was, there were only 6 of us in his office cubicle and, I WAS IN! "MUAHAHAHA!", I chuckled to the other 5 of them. And so, my NDP journey began.

Was the marshal for Girls' Brigade. Basically my job scope was to "hang out" with them: feedback their complaints to the committee, do the hard labour like carrying food and stuff, and lead them around the place.

That's not the fun part. The fun part was the people. It was pretty much like orientation in school again: taking care of kids, talking to them, humour them, and to make it my priority that their NDP experience was the MOST awesome one. Just that it lasted 4 months. But I loved it.

Met a couple of new friends. Still working things out to make myself their friend. Ironic isn't it? They're weird people. But they're fun. And I Love Fun People :D

Anyway, pictures and all, go check out my facebook. Quite a few pictures in there. Took with almost all the participants and the adults :) I'm too lazy to put all of them up here.

Really misses NDP.

My Saturdays.

2009-07-09T23:10:00.002+08:00

The one reason I wake up at 8 in the morning on Saturdays. A lot of saturdays. Actually all saturdays since April.
Swear to god this is the best job NDP09 has to offer and I'm on it. DAMN AM I LUCKY OR WHAT?!

It's a real huge-ass photo up there and... I look like I need to work my abs. Hahaha.
Those wearing white will slap me if they see the exclamation above.

Too lazy to update on my life. Pretty happening life I lead on some weekends but I don't think I should share. I'll sound like too much of a slut. And it doesn't exactly fit the "good boy" image at all :)

Only thing worth mentioning is, I've not gone out with the clique for the past 2 months. Damn man, we don't love each other as much anymore :(

Yaaaaay..

2009-02-28T14:20:00.002+08:00

Pretty used to camp life again. Been super long since I updated but just as well. Life hasn't been real happening anyway.

So, kind of caught up with all the work already. Now I'm almost the same as everyone else, I hope. Work's pretty boring cause everything's repetitive and there's no sense of satisfaction or whatever cause it's hardly meaningful nor intellectual. But I still will do whatever that is assigned to me to the best of my ability cause it's NS afterall. I don't wanna get scolded, I don't wanna implicate my friends, I don't wanna be condemed. LOL. But everything's getting better for sure. Getting more and more used to the work and there's not much pressure from the top the past few weeks so work is still fine, to say the least. :)

Chinese New Year was nice. Really. Maybe it's because I was caged at home for 2 months which makes even the most anti-social people want to be social. Haha. But it was nice to see everyone again. All the 'little' cousins grew, cousins around the same age as me got real 'happening' and I changed! :D Lots of positive stuff from all the relatives about my new look and it was pretty cool :) Hanging out with cousins were the most fun I guess. Didn't know we live in such a sex-ed up world =x Hahahaa. So anyway, this year's celebration was just too short. I suppose it's right smack in the beginning of the week and after the official 2 days break, everyone needs to go back to work. So not as fun as last year but the long weekend was real nice. Ang Pao tally as mediocre as ever lol. I've got lots of relatives and hence, lots of kids and since the amount spent on ang paos is usually a constant, each of us got a smaller slice of the ang pao pie. Haha.

Then came V day! The most dreaded day by singles ever! Well, kinda. Spent V-day eve with smoke shaun and some of my operators in the club and it was a pretty happening night :D hahaha. Weird people there. the ratio that night wasn't too bad, so we all had a lil bit of fun :)
Was super stoned after the party ended but with all the alcohol surging in the veins and possibly the brain, was greatly inspired on what I should do on Saturday! Real cool stuff. First time ever my whole life I did something so incredibly ~~insane~~ awesome! LoL. Chu stunt. As what the dudes commented. But didn't go out in the night cause was too damn tired from the night before. So missed out on all the mushy, huggy, lovey-dovey couples haunting the street that night. Woke up next morning to the most incredible article ever. lol

Oh yea, had IPPT on V-day eve and ran a silver. Screwed up. But oh well, will try till I get a gold. I know I can do it :) If I shed my belly and run harder haha.

Anyway the V-day weekend was kind of an enlightenment. The first step is always the hardest. But once you get started, everything will go on smoother than you think it'll be. So, got my ass up and registered myself in drive school, and some other stuff too. ;) Hopefully weekends will no longer be boring. Shall get up and be less passive. Afterall, I should enjoy myself when I'm still young right?

Back

2009-01-07T16:50:00.005+08:00

So today's the end of the honeymoon! Completely enjoyed myself for the past 2 months of not having to do any work. I'm lazy shit. So gotta go back and work hard for the next 10 months before I can shout the ever-fantastic phrase of "ORD loh!" LOL

Anyway hope I catch up real fast. Shouldn't be much of a problem I guess. Shall put in my best.

Really haven't accomplished a lot in the past weeks and I hate myself for that. I'm not as fit, not as clever, not as good.

So that's the most valuable piece of crumpled paper out there. Grants you 2 months immunity to camp life. That's almost like the reward challenge and being granted immunity on "Survivor" lol.

As much as I've enjoyed myself, I don't think I'm gonna slack off for the rest of NS. Will still try my best. Tried to go back early (Sunday night) but was rejected, and I can only go back tonight. Was kind of disappointed lol. Cause if I could book in on Sunday, together with everyone after their block leave, I'll kind of be on a closer footing. Oh well.

And I realised that I'm a born asshole. Met up with some friends and while chatting, the topic jumped to random events last time and they said, I said mean things, sort of. I'm such a dick head. I think I've got a terrible way with words because I haven't got those negative connotations, just my poor choice of words. I hope that didn't happened too often. Haha

2008 ended

2009-01-01T13:34:00.003+08:00

So it's the new year. Blah blah. Everyone's getting real excited about it but not so for me. Feels like 2008 is incomplete and it still really is December. Maybe it's cause I've gotten so use to the past 12 years of school life where every year ends with an examination. Or maybe it's because I've never felt a stronger desire to achieve certain benchmarks I set myself. Must be the military, because for the past year, I've always got this constant urge to set myself certain (small) targets and to achieve them from the life in camps. Like how I seek to improve certain running timings, to achieve certain grades for test, to always continually improve myself over time (no matter how little) due to peer influence (or competition, some may call it).

So why do I feel 2008 is incomplete? Not sure why. Must be those stupid goals I set myself and to not achieve them. And then, I was out of action for so long and probably that's why.

But alas, time in reality move faster and I've got no choice but to tweak the clock in my head. So, Happy New Year! I've got to look ahead to a new year of work, and hopefully nice things happen :) There's nothing cryptic about the use of the word "nice", just hoping that things will turn out well and that there'll be positive surprises. I love surprises, keep things fresh and rids the mundanities of life. :)

I believe the correct thing to do is to have the mentality that a new year has arrived, rather than that the past year ended. The former sure sounds much more positive and positivity is the way to go! As always.

Time

2008-12-24T13:16:00.003+08:00

Damn sad that today is the last ever day the 2 kids are coming. My mom have been their babysitter for the longest time ever and it's such a pity. Will miss them definitely. But then, the fact that they're the worst-behaved toddlers makes it almost a kind of relief to not be taking care of them anymore. Serious, good luck to the childcare centre. LOL! Still love them loads though : )

Jaw is almost ok. 95% recovered on my own scale I guess. 5% due to the rightside of my lower lip and area below it still being numb. And I still need getting use to the motion when I'm chewing or talking. Still need more time to be completely comfortable I guess

And, guess what, 7 weeks is almost over and I've not accomplished anything at all. Completely wasting my days away. Didn't go out as often as everyone thought I would. Other than the dental appointments, hardly went anywhere else at all. Well, it was still swollen till the 5th week or so. The countdown to book-in day just got louder.

It seems like I did missed out a lot during this period. All of my friends seemed to be having so much fun doing fun or crazy things while I stayed at home. Didn't see some of them for a serious long time and well, it was nice meeting them to catch up. Lots of stuff happened I guess.

And I never knew hungry

2008-11-09T16:14:00.006+08:00

Back from hospital yesterday and i swear I've never felt worse my entire life. I swear 1 month outfield couldn't have hurt as much as it did.

I've not seen myself in the mirror yet. From what I could feel, I prolly look like a zombie from "House of The Dead". Whichever series the most hideous looking. And I wouldn't wanna see myself in the mirror yet. I wanna have a taste of "Extreme Makeover". Plus I think I'll freak out.

Now surviving on a liquid diet which tastes like your regular powdered milk just suckier cause that's all you gonna get. Plus, the aftertaste of anti-biotics and pain killers make it taste like poisonous milkshake.

Never felt more helpless and vulnerable and in pain. Hope I recover fast. I wanna eat all the food there is in the world. Can't can't wait till the day I can bite and all the swelling is gone.

To all that thought my 6 weeks MC is a ploy on my part to malinger, I so very much did not sign up for this. Damn. At least all I can do now is wait. If I knew this pain before surgery, I for sure wouldn't have done it.

Salivating like some mad zombie who saw fresh meat.

WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!~

2008-11-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

Never have I felt so stone my entire life. The many shots of tequila plus that 'couple' cans of Tiger never harmed my liver this much.

Guess what, spending my last day looking the way I was for the past 19 years high on alcohol. Seriously not in the right state of mind now. But I thought it would be fun to blog about it.

Yeap, that Oral Maxilliofacial surgery first thing in the morning. It's definitely not an "Extreme Makeover" so don't expect me to pull a "good looking" or "dashing" when I'm off my bandage. you'll definitely make me feel like I got conned of my money. LOL.

Just a small surgery that's not gonna take more than 3 hours. Just to correct my bite.

Yeap, nothing much. Shall gulp gallons of water now to prevent that almighty hangover in the morning.

And yeap, all the best to those taking "A" levels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woooo!~

If you were to see me just now, don't remind me of what you saw. I don't think I'll like to remember.

Can't believe the number of backspaces I used :D

Expectations.

2008-10-12T21:47:00.001+08:00

Completely do not know what's expected of me. NS life that is. Not very thrilling but everyday is a new experience. Exercise coming up and I get to spend exactly a week in the field.

Anyway got this bit of hunch. Not a very good one. Of how far down I'm in the pecking order.

Boring shit no one wants to know anyway : )

So, pretty fun weekend! Got to go out at least. Quite cool. Hope I get to go out with the clique every weekend. If not, there's nothing really to look forward after 5 days in camp.

And picking up a new hobby: Reading. Have not read a lot of books yet. My target is to at least finish the week's issue of Newsweek to at least know whatever is going on beyond the fence. And whatever remaining time I've got on my hands, I'll read the books that my coursemates have read. They're quite avid readers I must say. Damn cool.

So, off to camp now. Be back 2 weeks later. Hope Exercise Bersama will go smoothly. It'll suck to be scolded. Not that I'm not prepared for it(I've kind of prep myself for all kinds of scoldings already), but I do hate being shouted at. My JC friends should know, lol. A major peeve of mine :) Haha

2 weeks l8er

Bang bang, I shot you down.

2008-09-14T17:38:00.004+08:00

Yea! Love the weekends.

Had range earlier this week and after dismal results on monday and tuesday(IMT plus familiarisation shoot), did surprisingly well for the actual test on weds. 23 out of 28 targets went down. Damn proud of myself. Was extremely lucky too. : )

Range was kind of suck. Good thing was I got the marksman (200 bucks + shiny gold badge). The time spent there was pretty suck. Really. My course, the new sergeants, were completely doing all the shit work. Cause we were right at the bottom of the command chain, plus they could definitely count on us to do the tasks well cause we were too new to screw ourselves up. Haha. But great bonding experience though! I thought everyone did well and didn't slack too much : )

Nothing much accomplished this weekend. Did went down to check out Sim Lim square cause I really need a new PC. But the thing is, they speak a completely different language down there. Yes they do use the English alphabets but the words and terms used so very commonly can only be deciphered by the tech geeks. Holy shit, was completely lost when I got there in the morning. Toured around, check out shops to see and have a feel of the way they do their business. Apparently, integrity and honesty are qualities as difficult to find and as precious as precious stones(Sounds damn corny I know) over there. There are just too many tales of shrewd business owners waiting to kan cai tou; to chop the carrot(local lingo for to rip you off) of unsuspecting, technologically primitive and well-heeled customers. Went around into the shops I thought that seemed honest, from the way they explain their stuff to customers, to ask around and how they can work around my budget. Now I'm off to consult my friends who're more technologically sound and advance. Haha.

Slacked around and watched movies I rented. Seriously, Stomp the Yard is like shit terrible. I don't think I'll be watching movies made with similar cast. Completely no link and leaves nothing to think about. Damn superficial. And it got quite frustrating to carry on watching the movie after a while.

So got to go! Going out for dinner with family. To celebrate my mom's birthday in advance. Fully paid by me. !

So book in day. Sigh.

I am Boring

2008-09-06T23:26:00.006+08:00

Title pretty much sums up what I perceive is other's opinion of me. Well, cause I really think I'm boring to other people.

Been left lingering in too much of silences(awkward ones sometimes). Hardly anything comes to mind to carry on a conversation or to initiate one. Not been really interested in lots of things at the moment. Think I should really go pick up a hobby. I think the lack of activities which are of interest to me is the reason why I'm not exactly in the right state of mind. Half the time, my mind is blank and there aren't even "internal" conversations within me. Gone are my "angel" and "devil", which fed on my many thoughts and opinions. Gotta find them back soon or I really will be a souless shell. Not been talking a lot or as much as I should with my coursemates.

When I look back to the time in Air Force School, I was pretty much a different guy who's like talking and talking and talking to my bunk mates and Rapier people I know all the time(except for the groggy 30mins between waking up and breakfast). Perhaps I'm over sensitive, I do not have as close friends as I would've liked in this course. Well, it's really my problem because of my lack of communication. But I believe everyone's still cool with me and do not treat me like a freak. That I'm sure of, hahaha.

Saw one friend I've not seen in a REAL long time and guess what? Struck with that same blank as always and it must have been damn boring. The trite exchanges of "How you doing?" "Where you're at?", couldn't have been less interesting. But it was really nice to at least catch a glimpse of her after so long. Almost forgot how she looked like. Must say, meeting her quite made my day : )

Only the dudes with me this morning will know. Was almost sure that the taxi took them away. LOL.

So anyway, currently on a maintenence course. Nothing much about it. Good thing is, lots of spare time after office hours. Can go to the gym, read, play soccer, watch TV etc. Sudden access to these privileges are real empowering. Real fun.

Went to Mhao's bbq. And hope they'll forgive me. Cause I completely forgot that it was for Chao Yi's birthday as well as MingHao and Maio Sia birthday celebration in advance. Well, I completely forgot their birthdays without the emails friendster.com would send me about 2 days in advance since I couldn't be logging onto the net everyday. Plus, after such an uninteresting birthday I had in June(note the lack of the word 'celebration'), birthday celebrations are just about the last things in my head. Oh well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Chao Yi, MingHao and Maio Sia!!!! : )

Not sure of how I can continue with the above conversation. I sound real dull. Can't stand myself. And it's not because I'm tired. For sure.

Break, GO!

2008-08-24T00:08:00.003+08:00

Course ended 2 weeks ago. Supremely glad that it's over. I believe I've had the worst of NS in the form of tough training already.

Summex was okay. It was tough but I learnt a lot. Real satisfied with myself after summex was over. I actually pulled through this exercise. Lot of help from my lovely coursemates and the operators attached. Really appreciate them. And I love my coursemates more after the exercise.

Then, it was the last week of the course in Air Force School. Had rehearsals for the ceremony to be held the following day. Was presented the Chevrons on Tues 11Aug and there I was, a 3rd Sergeant. Was rather proud of myself for all the work and effort I committed myself to since the day of enlistment. Finally, exactly 7 months after the first time my head was shaved, I became a Sergeant. Nothing big about being a Sergeant because I'm the 2nd lowest life form in camp, above the operators but beneath the masses of officers and seniors. But it's a personal achievement I guess : ) And there was this twinkle in our instructors' eyes on the day itself. I'm pretty sure they're all proud of us as Specialists, or perhaps the joy of them having leaves when we're gone. Haha

Then the 3 days of leadership phase was really interesting. Day one was movie watching and reflction and stuff. Day 2 was the 'Patriot Walk' that took us to all the interesting and historically significant landmarks scattered in the town area. Nothing beats a walk in lovely Singapore with the company of your buddies with a damn funny officer was tour guide. Haha, real sure my group enjoyed themselves thoroughly. Then had LAN session after being released from Fort Canning. Quite very fun I believe. The last ever day of being under AFS was spent in KK Women and Children's Hospital. Didn't get interact with the children like most of the course cause I had this almighty flu the whole week. But it was still cool cause I got to make balloons. Yea, totally cool. : ) Really. Anyway made this real pretty flower from balloons but too bad, didn't get to give it to anyone special. Gave it to the ultra adorable kids my mom babysits.

What a way to end our course. Shoke hands with the guys from Rapier cause we won't be seeing them soon. Like them a lot cause they're super fun to be with. Even my buddies thought so. Well, guess the Rapier people aren't really the kind that get high from comics and computer games and they kinda thrive on real fun stuff like going out, talking and being active. Don't really get my guns people enthusiasm for stuff that screams 'NERD!' or that epitomes introvertedness.
So, after those warm handshakes, it was the start of block leave. Block Leave baby!

So, thought block leave would be complete ownage, like to go out and do stuff together. I do get my hopes too high sometimes. Anyway other than Keith's ice-skating session that had 6 people actually making it to the bus stop in the morning, the other events we had were all LAN gaming sessions. Such a let down that we didn't even get to go Sentosa. Well maybe it was the weather forecast for the weather being terrible(it was real terrible on the day itself :/ ). And my invitation to mambo was like a total failure. People wouldn't even reply. Yea, rather disappointing the response. Didn't go in the end cause I'll prolly feel so lame alone. And if you know what NS is about, it's about not getting wednesdays off very often. It happens like once a year or around that frequency.
I must be sounding like my coursemates aren't very fun or happening. Well, all I can say is that they're nice people and I do love them. I really do.

So, my block leave wasn't at all happening. But it was still a really good break before actual work starts. Kind of a nice break for you to achieve that zen moment of yours and slow down the pace a little. Well, had to Olympics to oogle at all day.

Olympics was completely incredible. I'll have to say it's the one single thing that made my block leave enjoyable. I do like sports a lot and anyway it couldn't have come at a better time. The Olympics 2008 started just when I started the last week which was stay-out and then block leave subsequently. And it ended exactly on the last night of block leave. Perfect timing eh? Yea, caught lots of the sporting action from my side of the goggle box and it's quite very inspiring. It's one of the few short, short moments in life where the phrase 'Fighting Spirit' comes alive. In all the aching muscles and pain and anxiety and pressure, would eventually come the relief of the contest ending where you know you've held your ground, fought your best and out-do yourself. Rewards come in the different coloured chunky bling-blings of medals and/or just personal glory. You will at least walk away with the latter. Real touching how we can see others reaping the rewards of their effort and it is done in a manner that can not be more down to earth and simple.

Wel,, back to unit tomorrow and I'll update again soon. Not on work butmy thoughts hopefully. Brain's getting rather inactive and generally in decline. Bad.

End of surprises.

2008-08-03T01:03:00.004+08:00

Gonna be a 3rd Sergeant in 2 weeks time. By then, I'll no longer be a trainee. I will be liable for operators under my charge, be tasked with real unexciting work, stay in the same place for the remainder of my NSF life, with only ORD to look forward to. Being a trainee is so much fun. Hardly will anyone encounter such transitions and changes in their lives. For the past 7-8 months: From a Recruit who didn't know any better, thrown into the wilderness of SISPEC to toughen up, enrolled into Air Force School to be trained as a 35mm Gun Firing Unit specialist, and finally to graduate wearing 3 chevrons on my arms and hold every responsibilities of a commander. Summary exercise(Summex) starting monday ending thursday. 4 days and 3 nights of stress and craziness. Hope I'll pull through this real well. Cannot be any (un)luckier to be appointed as Gun 2IC. Shit load of work to do when accounting for stores.

Shall survive it. Hope everything goes well and nobody screw anything up.

Boring things I do in my way too exciting live

2008-07-13T15:36:00.005+08:00

Boring stuff the training is. Forced fed with knowledge that we're supposed to digest but we just throw up all of the knowledge, theory wise, for the tests and forget about it. Despite me passing all (but one) of the theory tests so far, I still am not sure of how the whole system works. Damn stupid. Felt kind of down in camp because I just can't seem to find the purpose in doing everything I'm supposed to other than to avoid being the worst trainee and be looked down upon.

The only time we can break away from routine would be the weekends. Weekends are fun because it's when the title of this blog actually correlates to my lifestyle. These past weekends haven't been fantastic. Met up with the same old pals who are still inflicted with characteristic irresolution and fickleness(Me included haha). We just do not know what to do. We want to have fun without spending much and are too picky about the things we do. We can come up with 10 negative comments regarding an activity someone proposed than to explore perhaps the some single, one fun thing about that activity. And the worse thing is we don't give suggestions. Haha. Real terrible bunch we are.

So, these past few weekends, we just came out, met for no reason other than to catch up with one another, watched some movies, loitered around and went home. Doesn't sound in the least bit exciting but I guess all of us enjoyed it to some extent because being able to not don uniform and walk on the streets is a luxury for all of us.

Haven't updated this blog for a long long time on myself. Had quite a huge scare some 3 weeks back due to my testicular pain. That was the single most traumatic week of my life so far. Which male on Earth wouldn't be scared when shit like this happened. Imagine losing your ability to reproduce when you're 19, not 91. Went to the MO and initial diagnosis was varicocele. Completely scared off my already aching balls. Was sent to the A&E department of Alexandria Hospital for medical review with the most funny yet most painful letter I've ever read. Such a shame I didn't make a photocopy of it because I for sure will laugh my ass off when if I were to read it again. So, after the medical review by 2 doctors and a urine test, they conclude that nothing should be wrong and gave me an appointment to see a specialist nonetheless with an even more amusing and painful letter. The vocabulary was completely aweseome and adequate that just plain visualisation of that diagnosis on myself was enough to make me go soft and make that part of me vulnerable again. My coursemates got a good laugh from the letter and I doubt they'll forget about this incident. So, the specialist concluded that nothing should be wrong and ruled out varicocele completely and said it could be due to pain anywhere from the lower back to the gluteus(buttocks) radiating to the testicles. I suspect this was the case because the pain did get more pronounced when I exert myself such as pushing heavy equipment and to climb the stairs. But all is well now and though there's still a bit of "feel" down under, I believe it's healthy : ) Damn am I glad Haha.

So, a few days after the Specialist gave me the clearance to take part in physical activities, I took the IPPT and I got GOLD, BABY!!!!!! Plus full marks for all stations : ) Really am quite proud of this achievement because my tummy did bulge quite a fair bit after being enrolled in Air Force School. Started the day with the thought of "I don't think I can do a Gold" but then, I guess something in me is stronger than that and I ran a good one. Of course the presence of our instructors there to egg us on did help a lot. They provided the cue to make me accelerate for the final charge. But the bad thing was, my ball ache the whole day after the IPPT. But it got better the next day.

Anyway, I lost my weekend phone courtesy of my ever so fucking NOT careless sister who fucking left it on the table for all those low-life fuckers to grab in a MacDonald's located in a really fucking bad neighbourhood. Damn am I pissed with her and the world when my mom broke the news. Completely lost my head and shouted and wailed like some overgrown baby. Was already damn stress about my balls that week(before I met the specialist) and I had to be so unlucky to lose one of my most favourite things. It stuck with me for so many things and thanks to some careless shit, it's gone. The first 2 photos I ever took with that phone was reminder of some weirdass emotion I felt for this animate being. And fuck it's lost. Of all the photos I uploaded to my computer, I think I forgot to upload them. But I feel better now. I'm not pissed with the world anymore, but I'm still pissed with her.

And went for dental appointment last friday and apparently my teeth are done with braces. But they're still not coming off until the surgery itself. My surgury is scheduled to take place about 3 months from now. I have not given the surgeon the date yet because I do not know who to consult because I nor anybody know who my future superiors are. This is going to be an oral and maxillofacial surgery to realign my jaw that's not very correct since birth. So, as what the surgeon says, I'll have a more defined jaw than now and have a nice bite. Plus I'll still keep my mega-watt, trademark grin though I'll expose less gum than now, which still maintains that youthful look :D But the downside is that I may lose feeling of the area below my lower lips to some extent (to some extent = no loss, slight loss or even complete loss of feeling). So that's the only thing that's leaving me apprehensive. I don't think I'll be kissing any one soon and if I were to lose that feeling, then I may never know how a kiss feels like! Plain F-ing sad aye?

Beautiful people out there are so lucky ._.

For the coming weekend, I'll be confined because I failed that one theory test, with 6 other course mates who did about as bad as me. Ok, they did better but still failed. *Evil laughter* Hahaha!! (I got the lowest in class omg). And I've got yet another theory test tomorrow morning. Shall go study now.

Can't wait to see beautiful Singapore from the perspective of a civilian 2 weeks later : )

So how's life?

2008-06-22T01:06:00.002+08:00

The best 2 weeks of NS life gone for sure. That was the basic phase of the ADSS course in Air Force School where we studied so much, played so hard and had one hell of a good time. We played really hard, a litte too hard sometimes like the soccer before IPPT and all the time we spent in the Mess and all the talk cock. Tremendous fun. Best ever stay-in period ever. And Nigel that c*ckster gave me a nickname that the Rapier and AMB people picked up: Woody.

So i'm in guns and shall stay in Chong Pang camp for the rest of NS life. I likemy instructors. They're super nice to us and they treat us like their kids. So all of us do enjoy training. Plus I think they're nice to us because we've been doing well. We always volunteer when there's a need to, we do well for tests and we work as a team. I think we're currently in their good books. Hopefully it stays this way.

So, there're 17 of us in this course and 16 of us love each other. Damn fun. I think we wouldn't run the risk of getting f-ed real bad if we continue to show our teamwork and do our homework. : )

Nothing much to narrate here because I've already penned my thoughts onto this journal that we're supposed to keep daily to reflect upon the trainings and thoughts of the day. Perhaps I'll scan the entries into the computer.

Not a lot of things happened when I was out on the weekends. I bought myself 2 t-shirts on a very lonely shopping trip in town. Was too lazy to ask my friends if they wanted to go out because it'll be too much of a trouble. So I walked around, tried on T-shirts, modelled for the assistants and asked them for advice. LOL. Quite fun to be asking people you don't know if that tee looked good on me or what ever.

And I spent my 19th birthday in Air Force School. Was rather down for the day because I'll always think about what I've accomplished so far in life and the realisation of there being nothing to my name feels kind of like a slap to the back of your head. Equally painful and makes you feel just as stupid.

Kind of a lousy birthday because I almost forgot it was my birthday only until the day before. And I didn't make any wishes. And it felt just like any other day. Nothing spectacular, nothing much. But I really appreciated the warm birthday handshakes from my buddies. And I completely got owned by all my guy friends who're supposed to be my suck c*ck buddies by them completely forgetting about me. Disappointed! haha

Caught up with those fresh privates from BMT. Met some of them for lunch, went out with Xh and siang in the evening for dinner. Nothing much already. Sian, I'm tired. I think I'll edit this post some other time

Last one!

2008-05-26T21:29:00.005+08:00

Today marks the end of my 8 to 5 reign. Gotta stay in Air Force School for the next 12weeks and then forever in my next unit. Damn I love the civilian world.

So the Airmen Orientation Programme is over and nothing much about it. Just that there're lots and lots of lectures and don't really comprehend all stuff. But there's the part about the core values and stuff and we were all made to present on it so that's rather meaningful though extremely time consuming. I believe everyone now has got a better understanding of the core values. And we had breaks all the time which was uber cool. It's like a paradise to us SISPEC warriors you know, when to be able to sit and do nothing for a while is god send already :)

So, rather sad that it's back to the routine again, though we'll all be living in a way cooler place where the soccer court, basketball court and tennis court can actually be used and not just for show. WOoo~

Anyway I accepted the offer for NUS Science already.

Shit I'm really tired and I can't think straight. Just had a real owned conversation. Holy shit.

Whine and some more stuff

2008-05-20T22:49:00.005+08:00

Just feeling disappointed and upset about what ever's happening.

So, it wouldn't be 8 to 5 at all. Only for week one because of the orientation. Stay-in for 2 months and subsequent NS career after being posted out. Book outs on weekends only. Fuck. Actually that's not too bad. At least I know that I'll be staying fit. I bet I'll swell if it's stay-out and by the time I enter uni, I'll be some fat-fuck who'll be in serious shit.(No offence to the more 'prosperous' people out there, really. Just me fantasizing about what would happen if things were damn slack)

And, my sister thinks she's the big boss now. I can't even have access to my room because she is using the comp(in my room). And damn she's got lousy attitude. I don't think being assertive is a quality. It's just an euphemism for high-handedness and being stubborn. Bloody stupid council shit. I do not in the least bit support anyone from joining the council and my sister went to join. Not that her joining is against my beliefs but her fucking joining means she'll be damn caught up with those frivolous stuff = using the comp more often than necessary = I can't have access to it and my fucking room. Bloody hell after such a long day I'm confined to the living room because she needs to do her shit. Am getting a new PC soon so she can have this computer to herself. It's up to her to even save up and research on how to do up a router because I will not go that extra mile. And I bet my balls she'll choose to not spend that money on a router and will whine to my parents to get one and make me set it up, while spending that money on utter crap like slippers and what-not from unknown brands and origins. Complete waste of money. She leeches my phone, my bag, my room and ultimately my time. Just so to convenience herself.

I hope she reads this and proves me wrong. That'll make my life easier.

So, my new vocation is under Air Defence. Well, I still have to chiong sua like the rest of my army friends, only that I'm in another wing of the SAF and that the beret I wear is so much more eye-catching and somewhat ugly. Haha. And damn. Of all units under the Air Force, the one I'm in is the only one that needs to go outfield to rough it out. Ahhhhhhhhhhh~ The rest of the Air Force wears the smart, cool, comfy No.3 uniform while we still don the green No.4. But at least now I'll be issued No.3 uniform just in case the day's lesson does not include field training :)

Anyway I'm damn glad that quite a few of the guys who were with me today are people I know. BMT platoon mates, BSLC section mates, BMT company's acquantainces, BSLC company acquantainces, secondary school buddy(and we were real good buddies then), JC class mates(2 of 'em!!). And I made a new friend today :)

yay. Am currently fantasizing about bumping into people I know on the ride to Air Force School or back home so that I can catch up with them. Wonder why I would think about them but at least it keeps me entertained.

So this is how it ends

2008-05-19T20:08:00.002+08:00

8 weeks of Basic Section Leader Course completed. Really enjoyable time I've had at Hotel Company. Trainings were way tougher than at BMT but with the exponantial increase in welfare, things aren't that bad at all : ) Hahaha. Plus, with everyone around the same level of competence; physically and perhaps in terms of knowledge, we're somewhat like-minded people put together. Which is great fun because you hit off as friends damn fast. We were already talking cock on day 1 and no one's really reserved. Perhaps my section is just too owning :D

Think I'll ask them all out this coming weekend. Hopefully they haven't got confinement or anything. It's real cool to meet up with them. Really like them alot. It's like I like everyone in my section, all 9 of them. Even Samuel, because he's funny in ways that he himself can't appreciate. Hahaha. He's a nice guy lah, just that we think differently.

So, this 8 weeks of tough trainings, I wouldn't want to go through them again if given a choice. It's like you can only take such intense and demanding stuff the first time because you've got no idea how it's like to do it and how tough it is. Being a noob is great actually. Possibly why BMT is such fun.

So, 28km graduation march was hell. Like a route marches, I always end up being the last few man and it's complete hell. I'm always like fast marching and the pace is nowhere close to the BMT route marches. Freaking hell. My toes were like about to drop off due to the pressure from the boots and the balls of my feet were burning from within the boots.Wonder how I manage to do it without falling out. Guess I'm stronger than I think I am; mentally. Wouldn't want to do it again for sure.

So I'm posted to Air Force School. Sounds great. It's 8 to 5. But that's for day 1 and god knows where I'll be posted to. If it were to be some hardcore outfield unit like ADA, good game to me. But actually I don't mind that much because I can keep fit. I just don't like the fact that I have to be tactical, especially in the dark when you're tired, sleepy, uncomfortable, sticky, camou-on-your-face and you still need to get things done. Damn sian that feeling. Butthen again, I don't think I'll be as fit as now if I weren't in NS and posted to SISPEC after BMT. My physical fitness improved quite a lot since BMT. Now my IPPT is Gold and I got 5 points for all stations : ) Damn am I proud of this. I was quite very fat in JC, especially after the "A" levels. None of my friends would disagree.

Bleh anyway enough about NS. Think I have to start planning ahead. If my job really is from 8 to 5, then I think I have to start studying my JC stuff again. Study for a couple months and then start giving tuition for extra pocket money, and more important, to get myself adjusted to studying. That's a real big problem for me and for almost all my guy friends. Every time we're left sitting at a spot doing nothing, we sleep. Lectures, outfield, in the bunks, almost everywhere possible. And I for sure can't study like how I used to now. Anyway I doubt I'm ever so lucky. It seems like whatever stuff I plan or have in mind, things come out differently and I'll be left disappointed. Well, I believe a Happy-Go-Lucky and optimistic mentality is the way to go to avoid disappointment.

Went Phuture last night with Xinhao, ShengWei, Linkang, Brian, Soon. Not as fun as we thought it'll be. Guess all the party animals decide to sleep and wake early to pray for Vesak Day. LoL. Seriously not very fun. But still ok. But I was still pretty high : ) Shall go again when we're free and when we feel like it again. Saw Andrew there. He's such a Player. Haha.

And btw, attended PJ college day after the POP. I was like completely stoned. I was like so close to drooling on my shirt because I was so damn sound asleep. Just 30 seconds and I'm gone to dreamland. And this occured in the LT, in the hall, and the bus ride home. Freaking embarassing. Went up on stage to receive something from the MP for my constituency and a $40 Kinokuniya voucher. I should really use it to get an interesting read to stimulate my seemingly prosaic mind.

And that's about all.

Happy Birthday Ang Siang!

Low (and it's not just about the song)

2008-05-11T17:35:00.004+08:00

So for the past week, 4 days were out in the fields.

Wanderer on Monday. Muddy Boots, aching shoulders, combat rations, cigarette smoke(from Andrew), solid fuel, super-ultimate-selfless people, shrieks of joy. Just about all the words to sum everything up. Anyway really need to thank this detail from platoon 2 who brought us to Check Point MOSS after finding it themselves. Saved us plenty loads of time.

And from Tues to Thurs, Grandslam!! And it's conducted right in my backyard. We were harboured in the "garden" just behind where I live. Damn inspiring to see my HDB block on the march out to board the buses.

Anyway GrandSlam was pretty much of GrandSlack. I was assessed the last fieldcamp so I wasn't in the least bit stressed. Ok, except for day 1 when we had this harbouring drill. I was the goddamned runner (appointed like 3 mins before we set off). So, I had to carry the bloody signal set on top of FBO. For you civilians who got no idea how heavy that is, it's like damn heavy. Haha, can't quantify the weight also cause I got no idea what's the exact weight of what I'm carrying. Must be at least 15 - 20kgs. First time in my life I perspired that much. Was completely soaked in my perspiration. Everyone thought I emptied the jerrycan on myself. Mad stuff.

And for the fieldcamp, not sure if higher powers up there are trying to tell us anything about the future. On this particular circuit, saw this bright green snake, which was extinguished of its life with a boot to its head, grinding, just like how you'll put out a cigarette butt but with like a couple hundred times more force. Then, it's head was sliced off with the SOG. And the headless snake continued to writhe and move even after more than 30 minutes. Halfway through, I had this sudden and weird stomachache. I had diarrhoea and I settled it out there in the bushes. LOL. And, later on, after completing this particular drill, someone noticed squashed eggs under him. There were 6 eggs, 4 of which were completely crushed, with fully formed ducklings that had yet to hatched inside. Gruesome sight. The remaining 2 were very badly cracked. An entire half dozen ducks wiped out like that.

Anyway that's about the most interesting of Grandslam.

For the past week, I was like in that permanent state of frustration and wore such an indignant expression on my face. I always had shit work to do. Too many to list and no one helps. And god knows what's Samuel's impression of me. If there's anything he(the LSC then) needs to get done, he'll always assign me the task. I don't think I contribute very little to the section though I always just want to "relac one corner lah". I know when to be serious and get stuff done. Perhaps he's just to boody serious. To be honest, can't stand his inflexibility and no-nonsense mentality sometimes. He's such a conformist; always wanting to adhere to standards set, strictly following the procedures given and with no questions asked. One hell of a garang monster he is. The government should be proud of our National Education. But he's a pleasant and sincere guy lah. Just don't catch him when he's holding appointments or when things needs to get done in a short time, coupled with you not being in a terrific mood.

And quite out of luck I supposed. Friday had IPPT. Got Silver again. I think must be the fatique from field camp. Or just plain poor pacing on my part. Ran a 10.05 but I didn't feel spent. Lousy me. After that, it was largely area cleaning and went to do a survey. And some goddamned asshole made every section send 1 guy for a haircut and my beloved section volunteered me. Was seriously upset at their insensitivity. Some of their outputs obviously weren't passed through the brain for possible negative insinuations. And of course with the vain me wanting to let my hair grow for a new hairstyle after posting out, I was damn upset. Sulked the way to the barber. Immaturish Daniel. But thanks to the understanding uncle, my hair's not as short. haha

Friday night was Happy Hour which lasted exactly 1 hour. Entertaining I must say! : ) After that, our last book out for BSLC. Went home, changed up and stuff, and met up with Rishik, Ronald, Haidar and Kiat at Timbre. Really awesome place. The place to chill, relax and enjoy the pretty awesome music. Quite cool. Left that place at about 2 am and went on to stroll around Clark Quay. Damn happening that night. Grade AA crowd. Just about 1 notch lower than the crowd on eve of Labour Day. Got real tired and sleepy at Macs and went home after.

Met up with ShengWei, Xinhao and Chaoyi yesterday afternoon for lunch in Westmall and do some army stuff. Went home, took a little nap before going out for dinner with family. And at night, it was all planned. To meet up at xx hrs, Bukit Panjang Interchange for Phuture. But then, Shengwei can't make it for Phuture and can only join us if we go MOS (due to the immense popularity of Phuture). So just for him, we went MOS instead. And he didn't even come. He's like our common enemy at the moment lol. Bloody hell and admission last night was 28$. Not any cheaper than Phuture which is a couple hundred times better than MOS. Pissed.

But alright, I can't exactly say I didn't have fun. Had tremendous fun if you know what I mean. Nice!!!! and Low is like my number 1 clubbing song. Woooo~ I'll take quite some time plus sufficient alcohol to forget what happened when the song was played. Hahaha

On the ride home with MingHao

And for those who got nothing to do, try this Mensa Workout. Rather Fun : ) Scored a 22 out of 30 lol.

When Daniel Pee-ed his pants

2008-05-02T16:55:00.002+08:00

These few weeks have been terribly exciting. Since I entered SISPEC, every weekend is occupied by preparation and stuff concerning interviews for uni admissions and that MOE teaching award interview. Now, all that awaits me are the results of my degree courses and hopefully a positive outcome for that teaching award.

Clovis said he was informed that he got that award the same day he went for the interview. 2 days have passed and I've got no news yet. Sad eh? Bye bye to free tuition fees + guaranteed career after I graduate. I really want to be a teacher. Guess I'll have to try again when I enter U or something. Quite disappointing considering that it's "Super easy to get one lah" as said by everyone. Hmmm..

So last week was the start of the "3 weeks of hell" as I call it. Field camp, navigation, out field trainings. Tough shit. Not exactly that tough but it's just the environment that's difficult. Coping relatively well but it's just that the lazy-ass part of me persists and proving quite a challenge to the garang side of me to get up and kicking. If there's an animal to characterise me this moment, I'll be the sloth. Hahah.

So, last monday, after book in, went to NTU for an interview. For admission into the double degree programme in Aerospace Engineering and Economics. Definitely didnt do well. Definitely didnt leave the interviewers a very positive impression. Well, I completely got no time to prepare for it. Was informed of it on the weekend with the interview 9 days later. 9 days ain't a lot of time when you're in camp and serving the nation. You're lucky if you've even got half a brain left after a day of activites to think about the interview. Was in that permanent state of stoned during the interview. They asked some specific questions (on economics) which I could answer but I didn't. Because I wasn't confident. And my reply, if the interviewers had the power, they'll banish me into the world of Dumb and Dumber-er. Damn screwed up. Just plain bad. Plus, not speaking proper and serious for prolonged periods (due to the constant talking cock with section mates) have left me less articulate at times when I need it most. I was close to stammering. Sigh..

And after that interview, rushed back camp to change up and head to Tekong myself for fieldcamp. Reached tekong and waited quite a while for the tonner. By the time I reached the site, it was dinner time. So I missed a whole day of lessons. I'm still quite behind class.

And, after fieldcamp, had navigation exercise. Lost, lost, lost. Checkpoints are quite hard to find and they're quite a pain in the ass. So, decided to treat ourselves to take a little break at the edge of the golf course. It was dark already so we were quite well hidden. Quite an adventure haha. Damn fun. Totally worth it though we were sent in to look for the goddamn check point again.

Then for this week, had fieldcamp when I was assessed, as a Section Commander. Barely passed and it was my section that helped me. I missed quite a lot in the first day of fieldcamp and had quite forgotten how to do the drills and stuff already. Thanks alot to them : ) Passed 3 out of the 6 stations. Phew. If I were to fail it, it means all the running and sweating with my section would've gone to waste.

So that's all about the past few weeks in training. Can't exactly remember that much. Come to think of it, at the start of SISPEC, I'll make sure I fill in this little note book of mine every night to keep track of things happening in there. But then as the days passed, I get too tired to write anything in there. Quite a waste because I really would want to remember the things in there. 1 year 10 months of serving the nation should not be forgotten just like that. It's the little moments that are worth remembering and to learn from.

So, that's about all for the trainings.

The past Saturday was Xinhao and those April enlistees first ever book out. All were struck by the disease called SIAN. Simply Impassive and Numbed. Xinhao and HuiJun were quite very listless. Rushed all the way to Orchard just to watch the 2nd instalment of Harold and Kumar. And left for Choa Chu Kang after that. Quite lame that outting. But it was nice to meet up with them.

Anyway on that trip, there was this huge ass traffic jam because some hauler toppled over, covering all but 1 lane of the expressway. Took near to 2 hours to reach the destination. Damn fustrated. And almost pee-ed my pants from all the waiting in bus. Fucked up. One of the lousier but certainly funnier and amusing travelling experience ever.

And, for weds, Book out day + Ladies Night + Eve of Labour day. Sounds wonderful eh? Planned to go Phuture but was sold out damned early. Went over to clark quay and everywhere was full too. Screwed up. Ended up going to MacDonald's for supper and to talk cock.

Anyway, weds was the day of my TA interview too. Damn nervous about it because after all, I really, really want to get that award. Being a Teacher is what I can see myself doing for many years. Really interested in that job and if I were to get this award, things will be so much easier with all the good things that come with it. Interview wasn't too formal. More of a conversation than a proper formal interview. Rather liked that.

Quite a stressful 2 weeks I must say. All the expectations of me and of myself to get positive results for the interviews and all, plus the assessments and all the shit. Rather glad that it's all over : )

"Oh my goodness"

2008-04-13T19:34:00.005+08:00

Seems like every weekend is terribly exciting. Terribly disappointing that it's terrible in the literal sense some times.

So, spent last week at home if I'm not wrong. I can't remember shit now. Too many things happen in the weekdays and my brain is kind of spent.

So, went tomb-sweeping today. I don't think I participated last year. I went today anyway. Sure it's hot, blazing and smoke from the incense being the perfect reagents to create chemicals that sting your eyes like mad to make you tear, like me. But I guess meeting up with relatives that you do not see that often is quite significant. Well, they're family and you can't exactly call them family when everyone's so remote. It still is, now, and I hope to inch away from that remoteness. Because only today do I know that my cousin is in the 2nd year of poly, one of my uncle was a commissioned officer in an infantry unit, one of my aunt having problems with my cousins. Bleh

So I got a call from NTU School of Engineering to go down for an interview for the double degree programme in Aerospace Engineering and Economics. I don't think I chose this combination as one of my options but whatever. So now I'm like on the hunt for information regarding double degrees and on the subjects. Damn stressed. Because as of now, I have to start weighing my options, again. Being a teacher; to take Science in NUS, or to be an engineer; to take that possible offer from NTU. I'm like quite very interested in those 2 subjects so it's quite a tough decision to make. Anyone care to enlighten?

And about half an hour ago, my dad didn't strike 4D and he blamed my mum for interfering and irritating him when he wanted to bet on that particulat set of numbers. And here're my thoughts. I guess I prolly should blog about this because this is one of those stupid things you don't want to forget. Though there aren't any lessons to be learnt from it. Not in the beneficial sense that is.

I think my dad is a seriously sore loser or a desperate gambler looking for his lucky break: He completely could not stop blaming my mum for her to have told him to not bet on that set of numbers. I think it's a combination of both the latter and the former. And I'm terribly disappointed to see an adult behaving in such a childish manner; to tell her off for "blocking his luck" (LOL!) Damn I'm quite sad though I think that was a real stupid and funny phrase. I think he must be running low on cash at the moment. My family isn't at all that functional. I always hope to be proven wrong.

The one person I believe I worry most, among other things, is my mum. She's not educated at all(She's one of those super-ultra-extremely rare species of human in 21st century Singapore to be illiterate), and sometimes I don't think she can discern very well for herself. She's quite very gullible and tend to be bullied, by people she knows, which isn't very pleasant. I'm not sure if she is really that dense or just pretending to be blur when my dad spoke to her in that not very amicable tone just now. I think she's quite dense. She can hardly sense other's cynicism and displeasure towards her, especially by my aunts when my mum irritates them with her straightforwardness. Possibly due to her lack of understanding views from different perspective given her lack of any formal education.

But I guess no one's perfect and they aren't terrible parents. They're good parents, really, and I cannot be more glad to have them. Just one of their many flaws like each of us have. Anyway if my above narration depicts that image of a dysfunctional, downright mad family, don't worry. It sounds terrible probably because I'm having a headache.

And I just forgot what I wanted to type. Shit. Doubt it's anything important so that's ok.

And I hope I didn't sound sad or super emo in this post. Just feeling tired. Haha. So it'll take at least 5 days before I get to come home again. Being at home is just about one of the best feeling ever. And home food completely owns, no food elsewhere comes with love as one of the ingredients. Yeah, that sounds corny. lol

"Sometimes the best feeling in the world is just knowing that you're on the way home." Quoted from the blog of a real interesting character, and the blog is just about as interesting.

That feeling is really good.

New home

2008-04-06T16:38:00.033+08:00

Yeap, posted to SISPEC. Not bad, I rather like the place. The way they treat us that is. Not that they're lenient, but I do believe they treat us like future commanders and thus we have that certain amount of leeway and freedom to manage ourselves and plan our own timings. Damn cool. Hope it stays that way.

Oh yes, I'm in "H" company. Hotel. Sounds relaxed eh? But rather than being guests of this particular Hotel, I choose to believe we're workers there. Other than Delta and possibly Bravo, i don't see other companies in the viscinity running every morning. Since Day 2 morning, we've been running at least 2km for 5B-X. Regardless of activities in the day, like endurance trainings and strength trainings later in the day. Wonder why other companies lament that our company is slack or shit like that.

Anyway for the first week, I was quite very disappointed. Not that I was in SISPEC and not any where else, but because of the people. Perhaps I was too used to my wonderful platoon 4 who never quarrelled or even had any public outbursts or comdemnation of any single person. They behaved in a rather rude manner to platoon mates holding positions like platoon IC; speaking in that seriously detestable, completely f***ed up and assuming manner. Just didn't like that, at all.

But then, kind of got used to it and guess I should just accept everyone as they are. No one needs to live up to my expectations or conform to the behavior I believe everyone should at least try to adopt. It was into the 2nd week already.

And for IPPT categorisation test, got Silver. But I improved! 2.4 improved by 27sec. So I need to improve by another 20sec to get Gold. Did 9 pull-ups, down from 11 because just the previous day, we ran a total of 6km and did strength training. Good, good. I'm improving and getting fitter. Haha. Anyway failed this one computerised test and I will be booking out late next weekend to re-do that test. damn f***ed up. And that test is like somewhat lame. Damn.

For the previous book out, which was the first one ever in SISPEC, went to prepare the stuff MOE wanted and posted it. Then went over to Brian's place for Clement's birthday BBQ. Quite fun though I was like the only person there who don't play basketball. The people there were mostly from PJ's bball team. Felt rather out of place initially, and Chao Yi ran off super early. But it was fun in the end and made new friends I guess! : ) Rather fun. Pics down at the bottom.
And yesterday, went all the way down to Civil Service College to take this psychometric test. And I didn't get to take it because my small, squinty asian eyes missed out point number 5:

5. If you have received this email, kindly confirm your attendance for the test session this Saturday via email or call 68797155 asap.

So I pwned myself by waking up super early to prepare for that test, and taking the ride to Buena Vista. Anyway I wouldn't have been able to confirm it. Received their text only on weds and I only checked out from that Hotel the night before the test to check my email. So too bad to me. If only I could check my mail earlier from god-knows-where, I could've enjoyed my friday night better, like outings or whatever shit.

And in the afternoon, went to JunHui's house for Mahjong. Pwned. Lost $32 in all. Out of luck I guess. Lousy morning and lousier afternoon to match.

Got the Tequila and Rum from LinKang finally. Now there's so much more to mix around with. Drank quite a bit. Not that much actually. Wasn't drunk or anything. Just lost my ability to judge and comprehend things to actually do that previous post. LOL. but it's cool. Rather liked that feeling. Wooo~

So pics coming up!

Clement's BBQ

All Gangsta and uh, cool. Hahah

Break dancing and stuff. With Taupok.

Water Parade!

Spongebob under the Baltic Sea..

My current liquer collection : )

Guess one must be lame enough to play with the Spongebob doll. LoL! Anyway that was my 18th Birthday gift from M&M(Minghao & Maio Sia).

Like wtf?

2008-04-06T02:20:00.003+08:00

WAHHHHHH!!!!

I feel like f***ing emo now. Must be the combination of Tequila, Vodka and Rum in my belly working the magic in my brain.

Feeling so charged up for some "woooo~!!" activities. Interpret it yourself. And I'm feeling like majorly CHARGED-up. My body's gonna blow. Shit.

I think I'll wake up with a hangover and be severely dehydrated.

Shall go wash up and sleep already. Hope I'll have some fantastic dream. (Shit I sound gay)

Update about my life in SISPEC later in the day.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........

The Beginning

2008-03-22T14:02:00.050+08:00

Yeap, the end of my 12 years of education. Got Okay grades for the "A"s. Do check it out below if you're ever interested :) So looking forward to Uni life. Hope I'm lucky enough to even get any interview for the scholarships I've applied. Super cool if I can land my ass on any one of them.

Scholarship applications are the most serious pain in the ass though. You have to use your brain so much to articulate your thoughts and opinions, and put them in the most politically correct manner possible. Anyway for any potential scholarship applicants, don't be a dumbshit like me and leave everythng till the last minute. You write essays that you hardly have time to vet through. Procrastination kills. Kills your opportunities at least. Check out the corny essays I've written and leave comments to encourage me :) I laughed my ass off when I read my PSC essay the morning after. lol

And, the first 9 weeks of NS completed! 1 year 8 months more to go ._.

Passed out from BMT as a trained soldier! LoL, the way the emcee announced was completely lame. The 2nd part of our Passing Out Parade(POP) was lame as ever anyway. But it was fun I must say haha. So sad it's over. I really love my platoon mates. All great guys cept for the few. Really cool to have met them. An absolute honour. FALCON BOLEH!!

The last few days before the POP was the best. Slack and talk cock galore. Games day was alright, too bad for the rain. We came in 2nd by the way. The morning before was even better. There'll be this procession going from bunk to bunk singing "Falcon Boleh" and it usually results in a mass(like at least 8,9 people) toupok of the victim. Depending on the victim, it could be a taller pile-up. But for the special ones, they will get a blanket party. LOL! Everyone's favourite recruit received the honour of a blanket party. But I didn't join in. I don't believe in violence. At least not when everyone is being violent towards him already. He could've became an OOT on the last morning if not for some to shout "Eh, enough lah, enough lah". Seriously laughed my ass off from that one. And for some like me, they get a wedgie. Not a very comfortable prank when the main intent is to tear your undies by pulling it up so high from the crotch. But seriously funny. My underwear landed on my waist after their rape. And it didn't tear.

But too bad, no photos of BMT since we risk exposing secrets of the state or at least of the SAF through such photos. It's a chargeable offence mind you.

Anyway went for the SAF band thing on the day others went Singapore Discovery Centre for National Education lesson(2 weekends before the last one). Got to book out early! It's super cool to be released from Pulau Tekong and find your way home. Haha, I do think I enjoy getting lost in Singapore. Took any random bus that came and arrived at Tampines MRT station just in time to catch one of the last trains! Woo~ Damn exciting I must say. Anyway for the band, expressed my lack of interest. So I won't be a bandee and I gave up my one opportunity to serve NS in one of the seriously more pretty places in Singapore. Damn, it looks like a conservatory of sort and its hallways look like that of the Victoria Concert Hall. No shit and it's the SAF.

Off days are the happening days :D Went partying, had quite a few stay-overs, rotted in front of the computer watching movies. Life as a civilian is so much cooler. You get to have hair and you can do whatever you want, never having to think about prioritising tasks under with such limited time you have in the outside world.

So, I'm posted to SISPEC (School of Infantry SPECialist). Yeap, should be getting my chevrons in 6 months if no major shit happens to me or are committed by me. So best of luck to myself haha. Lots and lots of people I know are being posted to SISPEC so it should be super fun. Damn cool if I can have people like Chaoyi, Jason and WenZong as bunk mates. I'm prolly just dreaming but I guess it'll be super fun whoever I get as bunkmate. Hopefully the higher powers up there (and I refer to MINDEF) would have sieved out the cocks who chao geng and those who preach this policy of NATO (No Action Talk Only). Anyway PTE Siang is now OCT Siang. Damn cool. Will have to salute him the next time I see him. Probably when he comes out from his 3 weeks confinement haha. Must be super sian to be in camp for that long. My longest 2 weeks ever was the first confinement when I entered Tekong.

So, I shall leave you all with pictures and stuff like that. Do do do check out my testimonial. It's super well-written by Ms Lin. Not that I'm a dick-headed show-off but just me boasting what an incredible teacher can write for you :) Super cool.

Results!

Testimonial

CAAS Scholarship essay I wrote.lol

PSC scholarship essay I wrote. LOL!

Enlistment day 110108...

Falcon Platoon 4!

Amos and Dominic in Ivan's dad's car after band thing.

Results day

When I was out of camp...

Slacking

Dinner at Sakura

Sleepovers

Partying with friends..

with friends again...

and again...

Remembered the Good ol' time in PJC

(thought it would be interesting to post after such a long time)

-End-

Our famous, handsome, gorgeous, attractive, adorable hunk. Mr Tan "The magnet" XinHao!

P.S He attract gheys.

"Ahhhhh! Ghey ah!!!!!!"

For all that it's worth

2008-02-24T10:59:00.024+08:00

Chinese New year passed so very quickly!

Marked by me being in that permanent state of tiredness when visiting relatives. Don't really know why but I just felt ever so tired. And of people who talked too much, cared too little for, all the insensitivities here and there, and that particular way of thinking that is so very damaging to oneself.

And relatives are really a joy to visit. Not that there's so much to talk about but being in each other's presence gives me such a warm, fuzzy feeling of family. Though I was tired, I was always at least smiling, if not grinning. haha

Have not counted my Ang Bao money though. Shall count it when I have the time. Ain't gonnna be much anyway. Too many aunts and uncles around. They spend so much on Ang Baos on the collective whole, just that when it trickle down to us little nieces and nephews, we get lots of Ang Bao but very little "substance" in them. Haha.

And then soon and cy organised this little pub sesssion. Seriously, seriously, tequila is quite very nice.

Fun Fun Fun!

And back in camp, threw my first grenade(My grenade landed so very nicely). Damn was it thrilling when the shockwave hit you. But it can't be compared to the explosive used when blinds were encountered. (!)

Got Silver for IPPT and I'm cleared from IPPT for this BMT at least! It's seriously impossible for me to get gold. I have to run 2.4km in under 9min 44sec. But the good thing is my timing is always improving : ) I think I ran a 10min30sec for that attempt.

And then there was field camp. Real tough. Perhaps it wasn't as tough to crack this facade that everyone has. Didn't see much of people's "true colour" that was of all the commanders' talk. But then, there was this one activity on the last day of fieldcamp that was super crazy and made everyone went mad. It was this evacuation drill from artillery attack and casualties were involved. And only from that activity will you see who are those who're really genuine; those who actually help lift and carry casualties, no matter how tired, in running the rock-ridden path in combat boots, Load Bearing Vest weighing about 4-5kg and a rifle on you. And when I say run, it's really to run. So very straining on the body and mind because you just cannot give up. Oh well, am not the kind who is articulate enough to vividly evoke the emotions I experienced and my attempts at that will do no justice to it anyway. Shall stop here for field camp at least.

Anyway, twisted my elbow(sort of) on the first day of field camp and it hurts till now. I dare not go to the Medical Officer lest my PES status is lowered.

Am getting along quite very well with platoon mates. Fun!

Bald!

2008-02-03T14:16:00.001+08:00

Bah, army life is so very uninspiring. Really do not like how things are run in the military. You will almost surely turn into this compliant-to-the-max robot, devoid of any initiative when it comes to decision making, and a general decline in brain activity because the only thing you think about is to how to not get yourself into more push-ups or whatever not. Brawn triumphs over brains, definitely. Perhaps it's because I'm still a chao Recruit. Sucks to be termed as that. Sounds like such a noob. Well, it's already bad that they make you feel like such noobs.

And only in army do I realise how good home is. Home is a privilege, not an entitlement.

Was too lazy to blog last week. Well, there wasn't much to talk about anyway.

So, in this 3 weeks:

I got a new hairstyle.

I exercised more in the first week than the whole of the previous 3 months.

I climb about 30 storeys everyday. I bunk on the bloody 5th floor and I go up and down, up and down....... I can feel my thighs getting real strong

It's almost like a Pre-U Sem. My whole platoon are people from all JCs.

I became platoon I.C for 2 days and it's like being an OGL, just that you get "knock it down" for any wrong doings. You'll get fucked more than normal and you better pray your performance is good.

TIMES and Newsweek are just about the most entertaining things in the world, second only to talking cock with bunk mates.

Regulars tell the most interesting stories ever. My Company Sergeant Major and Corporal are real fun to listen to.

Anyway have not made any of those BFFs yet. it's only been 3 weeks but I think everyone is fun except for that few

I always have this tendency to screw things up. Like how the sergeants tell me to announce to the whole platoon because of my dirty rifle I earned them 20 push-ups.

I hate how the sergeants like to make some of us look like fools for their own entertainment. And I do not get the thing about setting us impossible deadlines for doing things. Like 20 minutes to do area cleaning when we went out into the mud and rain the previous day, and 7 minutes to change and pack up for booking out.

To meet up with old friends in the cookhouse is like the most fantastic thing ever. Saw some classmates and those from the clique. Real nice. And I book out with Chaoyi last weekend. I think he's in field camp right now.

So went out with the Jia Wei bunch yesterday to MOS. Again, crowded as fuck. Yes, confidence level have a positive correlation to the amount of hair you've got. It's real fun in the main arena, because everyone can go mad and no one cares. hahaha.

And I've not gotten any clothes. I really want new clothes, even though I won't be getting out very often. It sucks to be always wearing the same things. But things are slightly better due to my slightly better physique (Hell yeah my tummy flattened!!!! Still some left but it's quite an improvement). It's a wonder how you can slim down in the army with the amount of food they force-feed you. For the first 2 weeks, you get 4 meals a day and you eat a lot of meat.

Alright, shall go pack up. Gotta reach Pasir Ris bus interchange by 2200. Definitely do not want to be late again. They do horrid things to you. Eurgh!

The End of the World

2008-01-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

So, the end is near.

This is my last ever entry, as a boy. Last post ever at that particular stage in life when you can (almost) indulge in daydreams, to be whimsical, to be who ever you are, not having to live up to the expectation of others, and to just have plain fun. No guilt what-so-ever.

Everything will change when I go in. I have got to be more serious, I have to live up to the expectation of others, I have to be completely independent. That's just about my life even after NS when I enter the university and into the workplace.

Just 6 months ago, I was ever so excited about NS. That thing of not having to study, not having to mug , not having to try to love subjects as abstract as Chemistry (Don't worry, I do not hate chemistry nor do I think I'm going to be flunking it. Eh wait, no......). Now, I feel like I'm in some kind of deep shit. I was hardly involved in anything more intense than to walk down Orchard road or to jog from Bugis MRT to my workplace. Ok, I jog like twice after the holidays, but that's hardly enough.

The thing that is so very intimidating about NS is that, my whole social circle is about to undergo this huge transformation. My bestest-best friends will all go their separate paths. I know only too well how time apart can make communication so very much more difficult and how relationships go from being warm and fuzzy to unenthusiastic and awkward. I got this hunch that all of you will go ROFLMFAO but I have to say, I really, really value the relationships I have. I (think) I make friends real easy, I trust people easily. But for me to place someone in my inner circle of friends (aka bestest-best friends), I'm far less trusting. It really is quite hard to be able to find such good friends. And it is much harder to have to leave them. I really love my friends. Only at times like this do I believe that the use of the word "love" is validated. It is said too often, at times when emotions are too superficial.

New friends await but it is hard to let old friends go.

While everyone moves forward in their life, mine is halted, by 2 years.

Being left behind is just about the saddest feeling ever.

And one less terrible fate awaits me. I have to adopt this hairstyle that screams "Botak!" (literally). Fuck that.

*

I will miss my bed.

I will miss the computer.

I will miss the hot baths.

I will miss going out with my friends.

I will miss the late night movies alone.

I will miss the children my mother babysits.

I will miss my hair.

I will miss you.

(In ascending order. The last 2 points are so difficult to be ranked)

*

Apparently, I've got this guy who is going in the same day and time with me. I PRAY! We won't be together or I'll be laughed at for the rest of my life(by my "old" friends) F!

Got a phone that works! Do entertain me sometimes.

Damn

2008-01-05T16:58:00.001+08:00

I'm so damn disappointed Xinhao isn't going to inter-JC pageant tonight. That means I won't be going since there won't be anyone I know that's going. Brian is with his class, Alvin with his basketballers. Lin Kang isn't going too and no one else that I know of is. So damn, $20 gone down the drain.

I know it's wrong to be upset but you can't blame me. Shouldn't have bought the ticket so hastily, I contacted Ivy immediately when Xinhao asked me to go. Now I feel so owned.

Never mind.

The New Year

2008-01-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

So, twas Xinhao's birthday yesterday.

Nothing is ever decided, and this birthday outing was planned by me, because everyone is too unwilling to even come up with anything other than to say "anything lor" or "I cant go, busy". And I was given the task because someone decided that I should plan.

Anyway it was a simple dinner at mos burgers(seriously delicious) and we headed to clark quay after, for the new year countdown.

Shengwei, Linkang, Alvin, Kangwei, Xinhao and myself went to M.O.S while the rest decided to find somewhere and drink themselves silly. MOS wasn't much fun. Packed like mad and moving around was like the hardest thing ever. Wasn't in the least bit high, really.

And, I was dealt this sucker punch by a very famous person who graced my blog and claimed to have so much tolerance etc, etc, etc. The punch I was dealt wasn't one created through poetic imagination or anything to do with being articulate(That kind of people is about as articulate as _ _ _ _). It was a punch in the most literal sense. Well, it does tell a lot(or in fact, very little) of a person who resorts to physical tactics from a conflict of ideas. But then, that was so last year ago because if I'm right, he hit me at around 10+, 11pm. Haha. Anyway, that punch must have knocked loose some wires in me because I wasn't exactly angry at that, I kind of had this realisation that the punch must have served some sort of divine purpose. Must have knocked the bad luck out of me for 2008. Because the day went better(even in the terrible MOS) after the countdown. I know it sounds funny but that was what I felt. Sounds stupid but true. lol

And, it was a hit and run situation in the truest sense. He hit me and ran away. I'm sure lots of people will give him _ balls out of 2 for that attack. Anyway, hope he enjoyed that little bravado of his.

Then nothing much happened. Lots of people were barfing all over. Outside the clubs of course. It's like they are either terrible at maintaining their alcohol or are terribly rich to get drunk on alcohol from the clubs. I doubt my pay for the last month will barely suffice to pay for a bottle of spirits.

And, Kangwei ditched us to go home himself, after like more than 1 hour of walking around waiting for him.

Piss, wash up, slept at 8am. on 1st January 2008. That's New Year's day for you

Goodbye Earth(2007)

2007-12-31T14:00:00.000+08:00

Yep, eve of 2008 baby!

Actually I'm not too excited about it. 2007 has just been too great of a year for me and it sucks to have to see it go.

School this year was great:

I was an OGL and was lucky enough to have wonderful OG members who still meet after months. It's great to have met them. They're real cool people and I cannot help but have the impression that I've influenced them in more ways than one. Not that I was that significant but from their body language and all, I believe they do regard me as a good friend. That's seriously inspiring because the jaded, cynical me(especially from the prelim to "A"s period) only treated them as mere acquaintances, and I feel so guilty now. Must be the exam stress. I do like them, a lot.

I was a SLO for Pre-U Sem as well, and it totally changed me. Serious. Interaction with my group members(who come from post-secondary institutions all over Singapore) made me realise the importance of being articulate and to be understood. Terribly important I would say to be able to function well in society for this lifetime. And, I was sucked out from this little hole I was in from the exposure to the many, many talented peers; the awareness of the competition I'm in. Then there was this one SG member whose blog influenced me so significantly, the way I write and think that is. Moved from being this superficial being to having more depth and brains(hopefully!). Realised the importance of being able to materialise mere thoughts, imagination and emotions into the real world, through words.

Anyway, there's something about this group of people I've met. They are far from ordinary and everyone is definitely more than what they seem. I'm thoroughly impressed by everyone of them. Don't exactly know why but everyone seems to have a talent unlike the LOFT* me. Blah, I like them a lot. So much that on the last day of Pre-U Sem, I was the biggest emo freak on Earth, yiting would know. And it's terrible that she knows. Hahaha

ODAC. Outrageous, Delightful, Amazing Clowns. Yep, that's what ODAC stands for! Damn I love this CCA of mine. Activities in 2007 was a little disappointing. The only thing that made up for it would perhaps be the terrific friends I've made. We talked more cock than we did anything outdoor or physical in 2007. Seriously, seriously, seriously, I think I love them. Can't imagine myself being in another CCA, and to be missing out on all the fun I've had. The activities in 2006 were splendid. One of the few things in life that I'll never ever want to forget. The people were great of course. Everyone was fun, hardly any cliques, enjoyed everyone's company. No amount of words would do justice to these lovely people and the fun I had.

Academic year 2007(JC2 for me) was pretty much fucking stressful. Perhaps it's the student profile, we take too long to adapt to JC life in JC1 and we're crammed with too many things in JC2. I think I've coped well though I do not know what the f is wrong with my chemistry. I know that I know, but results just do not prove it. Blah, hope my effort would suffice in getting decent grades for the "A" levels. If not, I'm so screwed. Anyway, I love the teachers that taught me. Mr Patrick Tong, Ms Lin Li, Mdm Teresa Wong, Ms Alice Seah and Ms Loh Xin min. I think I admire Ms Loh most because if I ever had to teach a student like myself that behaved that way during lessons, I would have kicked myself out of class. You know what I mean? I'm sure you do. One of my possible career choices would be to become a teacher. And I think all of them have inspired me to consider that possible path. Anyway, I totally like what I was studying. It was the time I had to spend studying that was the problem. But I love school.

Social life? It's too intertwined with school-life.

Love life? None, just like the 17 years before. Damn. Sound like such a dick.

Family life? I think I behaved like a spoiled ass and took things for granted. Wisen up a little in the later part of the year. Probably due to reduced aggression from all the studying.

If I have to choose, I believe 2007 would be the best year of my life, ever. I think I grew more this year than any other time and there was a good blend of having to commit to responsibilities but still having the liberty to be immature at times. I'm young, was studying, and have a whole life ahead of me. It's a pretty good and fun life I've had in 2007, and it's a pretty good and fun life I will have, viewed from the perspective of an 18-year old in 2007.

It's terrible that I have to leave 2007 behind. Good bye 2007.

Cynical

2007-12-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

Feeling so very uninspired these few days to write. Been out of the house almost everyday, either to be with friends or to work. Blah!

Work has just been work. Can hardly find fun in it except when left to my own devices; to stone and stone and stone when there's no one. It's hardly politically correct nor becoming of a good employee to not be wanting business for the shop. But, it can get so very hectic when there're customers, we have to serve more than 1 at a time or none at all. But it's still manageable, I'm not that much of a caveman and anti-social to phreak out at the sight of people. Anyway there's this new coffee vending machine and its cafe mocha tastes quite nice.

Friday shall be my last day! Not sure if I'll miss the place. Doubt I'll ever bring my friends there for gatherings because of its lacklustre F&B. But I believe I may go there for my uni days. Its environment is so very conducive for studying, especially the 2nd floor, when there're no events, and free from the constant bombardment of financial news from the gigantic 42" LCD TV tuned only to CNBC.

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Without having to work, shall devote more time to going out with friends, if I've not done so enough already. Hardly stayed home for the past 2 weeks. I usually come home past the witching hour and wake up at 5am to work the morning shift or to sleep till the afternoon and then prepare to go out with friends, again.

Anyway, there was this class BBQ 2 days after the "A"s. Had super delicious chicken wings catered from BBQwholesale. Ms Lin, Ms Tan and Ms Loh came but I hardly talked to them. Ms Tan is quite an extrovert I believe. :) So, had night cycling which was seriously too painful. Doubt I'll ever do a nightcycling again. Did not keep a promise to self of not wanting to have another night cycling again after the Round Island Cycling Expedition. That spot down under hurt like mad seriously. Jason got ill and he was spared the ride back from Changi Village by taking a taxi! Yue Hern on the other hand, waited patiently in mac for 7 hours, all alone. Now, that's what I call staunchness. But it must for sure be coupled with madness because that is really beyond me lol. Due to this night cycling, missed out on ice skating with the clique.

And then there were the random outings,
-went out with Chao yi, Sean, Hui Jun, Siang for phuck
-So lost, didn't know where to go.
-"Hey, wanna booze?"
-Emo-ness of one friend(note the use of friend and not any other things).
-Talked plenty of cock, of which all I cannot remember. Some of which I remember are too lame to be mentioned(hint: Miscellaneous) LOL (P.S it's an inside joke)
-Enjoyed each and everyone of these outings, thoroughly.

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Ok, haven't been feeling right(in the mind, more of) these few days. Since monday. Had dinner with some of my OG mates. 7 in all. Out of 27(including OGLs). But it's cool, I mean, how many OGs still have gatherings. Numbers look pathetic but I think it's not too bad. Thanks to the organiser, Chantel!! (Who's been entrusted the sacred task of bringing me booze when she returns from China)

But kind of felt detached though. Seriously, seriously, seriously, hardly got the jokes that the ivan, jie yong and yong yuan were talking about. Perhaps there's this age gap(of 1 year)? But anyway, I shall stick to my old strategy of 'strategic seating' when I go out again.

So, there was this weird vibe I had. And fuck, it boils down to me having not enough balls, and this sense of insecurity. Why? Why? Why? I ask myself. Have yet to find the answer. Shall have to remain cryptic about this because it is never in my intention for this to be comprehended, especially through a blog, where the whole world knows.

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When left alone for too long, I turn into this cynical beast bent on seeing no good in this world. Perhaps I was hungry, because I can hardly think straight when I'm hungry. But then, it's more of my lack of satisfaction about a particularly superficial issue and I get so bothered by it I think I'm becoming a paranoid. I do not know how some people can develop such a sense of confidence about themselves with regards to this issue(which certainly annoys me). Perhaps I'm too observant, too sensitive to my surroundings that I cannot help but notice certain little things going on. It is so hard to shrug these things off as that because I've turned into such a big-ass pessimist and link them to my imperfections. I think I'm running high on perfectionistic tendencies, which does not exactly serve me well when you know, I am so damn imperfect in so many ways.

P.S I'm typing whatever that comes to my mind and I refuse to check if it is coherent.

No Joke,

2007-12-12T19:38:00.000+08:00

Certain people in this world need to:

1. Set their priorities right.

2. Understand that "Paying it forward" does not encompass that of passing on acts of anger

3. Know that if it doesn't relate to them, no one will really pay attention to them.

4. Deflate their over-developed sense of self-confidence

5. Perhaps learn to type?

6. Learn to respect other's personal space as that; not as an anger outlet.

7. Understand that yielding does not equate to being spineless

8. When feeling slightly stupid from any remark, try to not dwell too much on being stupid, because you will become real stupid.

9. Grow up a little, think along the line of an adult.

10. Most important of all, get a life.

Disclaimer: The writer assumes the position of an individual living in a society. The contents of this post refers to the general population at large, drawn from the inferences that the writer has experienced in both the virtual and actual world. Should anybody feel insulted by any of the above points, it is purely coincidental that you are afflicted with point number 8. This post does not function as a rebuttal to any remarks made by any particular one person. If you insist, please proceed to point 9 and 10.

SORRY

2007-12-10T01:49:00.001+08:00

OK EVERYONE, I KNOW I SUCK BIG TIME. DIDN'T KNOW I HOLD SO MUCH SIGNIFICANCE IN THIS LITTLE SPHERE I LIVE IN.

Disclaimer: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read this in an objective manner and do not allow your hatred towards me after my previous post to bear precedence over your judgement of my sincerity. Chill a little first.

SORRY ALEX, I KNOW I SUCK! Got no problems with you really, but thought this was my personal space, my domain, and hence the freedom to articulate my thoughts. Ok, I know I sounded extremely mean in that post, so I apologise. I seriously do.

To Si Qi: Sorry to annoy you, I know I sound like a low-life, desperate, immature, perverted, sick in the mind, grotesque scum of the Earth. Apparently my attempt at humour is deemed too crude for the female population. I do know from you(and the rest of the comments) that I've got a particularly lousy sense of fashion, now. So I shall bow in defeat, and accept that. Will do more reflections, literally and metaphorically, to avoid making such unstylish, unfashionable mistakes again :) I think you're good friends with alex, no?(I dont really know), so it's natural to be so biting against me. But just chill.

To the anonymous: Well, hello, thank you for gracing my blog. How very convenient, your sudden pleasant appearances to supplement and compound the points put forth by Mr Alex and Miss Siqi. Dude, seriously, I think you(or all of you) make a wonderful friend(s). To show up with all gusto and tearing down that dick whom you don't even know, based on the judgement of that 1 paragraph or even that phrase that has placed your friend in a negative light. I don't have a thing for those who choose to attack from that safeground of the lack of identity. I sure do not sound that pleasant to you, right? But, since I am making an attack at nobody and no one in particular, I believe it is in my full right and liberty to do that, since I'm risk offending no one. (that's the thing about remaining anonymous :)

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So, seriously Alex, if I have to be honest, the reason why I put you to be such an attention seeker would be because of your rowdiness in school. I know, since it's your mouth and that the school is public, I'm stupid to even be complaining. Well, the impression I had of you wasn't as positive, accounting for my lack of courtesy towards you. But I know, it's my fucking fault since I'm the owner of this godforsaken blog. So, I apologise for having made that comment. I really do.

I thought the odds of me offending anyone on this blog would be astronomical, since I do not get that many people reading it. Well, you obviously are good in sieving the whole of the internet to find a description that matched you that night.

If you're still unappeased due to your belief that I'm lacking in sincerity, I really do not know what to say. I really, really apologise for having made that grave statement. I know it's impossible for you to even take my disclaimer into account because if I were you, I wouldn't be able to accomplish it very well too. But please, I do apologise.

However, if you think I'm stuck up for my choice of words towards those who remain anonymous, you can't really fault me for that right? That is if you remain objective.

Well, for anyone(apparently from 12am till now, 61 people have been watching this blog.) who feels the least bit insulted from my pokes at you, have an open heart and chill, why get yourself so worked up over what this ugly loser(errr, that's reference to me) said in a post? Now, everyone will be happier right?

P.S I'm going to allow comments. But please, refrain from making unconstructive comments, because nothing good comes out of it, unless you're such a cheap thrill to derive entertainment from such bickering.

Smiles : )

Before and After

2007-12-01T11:31:00.000+08:00

Life so far
Before the "A" levels, I thought I'll get many many things accomplished after it. But no. I've not done so many things yet. My notes etc not cleared up yet, I've not even started going to BBC to learn German (lol), not yet started on the artsy fartsy stuff that I had wanted to do and the worst thing is, I've not even decided what to wear for prom.

Grad night sure is overrated but I think I should have the decency to not show up in anything too shabby nor predictable. Yea, not much options for guys because we can never run away from the standard jacket-shirt-pants ensemble. So have to crack my brains a bit for something more creative in terms of colours etc.

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Shopping

I used to think that guys do not especially like shopping. The reason being shopping is a feminine hobby, even with the advent of the "New-age, sensitive, metrosexual" theme, and the whole macho vs metro thing. But now, I think I can articulate that wee bit of why men do not like, or at least do that display that liking to shopping.

Well, it's just that men are thoroughly vain, image-conscious, fickle-minded and terribly egocentric beings. I think I'm guilty of these traits =P And hence men do not do as much shopping because they will take up too much of everyone's time to satisfy their vanity; not knowing wether to go for V-neck or Crew neck or if white goes better with jeans than black.

Women has for the longest time lament that guys are lousy shoppers, always impatient and asking that ever-so irritating question of 'You done yet?' Well, a tip for the ladies, bring your man to the men's department and you should see him at least slightly interested, if not excited, going round trying on stuff. Men are definitely egocentric and can never understand why they have to stand around, looking at dresses, skirts and blouses when they're not intending to be a drag queens.

Of course, all of the above is just postulation on my part. Just like the many many articles describing the male behavior.

Of course, I may have some visual proof of such behavior and traits. LOL! Photo credit: Minghao

The infamous Lee "The indecisive" Jun Hui. He took about an hour or so. But of course it's not totally his fault, other culprits include, Minghao, Xinhao and Hui jun.

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Work
I thought I was working in the best place on Earth, on the first day of my job. I'm currently working as a in a cafe, Scorebot. I'm a waiter-cashier-dishwasher-sweeper-window cleaner-labourer-cook. The F&B segment of that cafe is basically as a support because the real money spinner are the events that are held there. So not a lot of walk-in customers on days without events. It's a cafe specifically targeted at traders(Those who dabble in the stock markets etc). So quite a number of events are held, mainly with finance and the stock market as the theme.

On the first day of my job, everything went well, I did ok, chatted with the customers and was extremely optimistic.

Onto the 3rd day, it seemed I could do no right. My service wasn't up to standard, I couldn't multi-task as effectively as what Shirley had hoped. I left dishes unwashed and tables uncleared until being informed by Shirley. Well, that place is terribly small and the 2 godforsaken small sinks definitely do not aid in efficient cleaning. I'm supposed to be superman, able to do everything at the same time. We're dreadfully understaffed.

I wasn't focusing, I was told. Well, instructions weren't in the least bit clear. Apparently she wasn't in the most fabulous mood and missed out on certain details in her instructions. The way she gives instructions are such that the "instructions" tell you the reasons for doing something rather than to do something. And I have to interprete and clarify exactly the things I should do. So her image of me is that of an unconfident, dependant being, utterly incapable of making decisions. Well, perhaps I'm terribly compliant and have this utter need to work within parameters but I believe she needs to take up the same SLO course I had, for her to be a much better ground manager/leader.

I'm a little envious of my sister. Not her utter lack of guilt or worry when she spends unnecessarily despite her having no money; she is so dirt poor (She hasn't even got $20) and always looking out for "vintage" stuff which I believe looks more of ancient(My mom thinks it's ah ma. LOL, it's not even vintage in her opinion). I'm envious of her way with customers and such. Well, we're all made different and that's her talent I suppose :)

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Hell Yeah

2007-11-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

"A" levels are over. I think I'm so excited, I can hardly contain my energy. I'm developing a fever. Damn

Went to Queensway to look at shoes with Siang, Hui Jun, Brian, Sean and XinHao. Same old shoes, how cool. Not sure if I'll be buying any new shoes. I love my nike and it's real hard to find a shoe that I like as much. It was kind of a love at first sight thing with that nike of mine.

And, went to IKEA and pretended to be mannequins, adorning those lovely and exceptionally comfortable pieces of sofas. I really love IKEA, I love to take a stroll in there and just soak in the atmosphere and be part of that big big sphere of many-thing-ness. LoL, what a word. (I'm trying to convey the feeling of losing oneself in the multitude of people, items and anything in there.)

Had quite a feast. I rarely have so much food at one go and I got real bloated. Xinhao was the winner, with him ordering food like there was no tomorrow. But it's justified I guess, "A" levels are over. YEAH!!!!!

Still quite hard to come to term with this fact. For the past of 1 year, we were hoping and hoping that this day will come quickly. It was a wish. We wished and wished to the extent that "A" levels would be the end of the world, our world. Well, it's ended already. Now I can no longer seek calm, tranquility and inner-peace from my notes. How sad. (Bet I'm sounding like a no-lifer)

Shall find stuff to do.

P.S - If you're short of company and wouldn't mind me, feel free to ask me out. But, no guarantees : )

La La La

2007-11-18T22:49:00.001+08:00

Everything's going to end! Physics paper 1 on Tuesday and poof!! GONE!!!!

Gonna go random here:

I hate my neighbour. The one next to me. He smokes, yells at his toddlers, yells even more when his toddler's are screaming, yelling some more when he's not happy. And I suspect(and believe) he and his wife/whoever sells contraband cigarettes because there are times when those mat/losers/ah bengs/trash wait outside his door and get cigarettes. And they're so apprehensive, especially when I emerge from the lift. They'll act like nothing's going on, doing that classic look-up-the-ceiling thing and waiting for the sky to drop. And I've heard them distributing those few precious sticks at the lift lobby. Their meagre pocket money going into those sticks of holy smoke, allowing them to ascend (and I mean to die) earlier than the average non-smoker. Thanks to him, my chances of getting smoking related cancer are much higher.

There's so many thing I wanna do from Tuesday onwards. I wanna do sports, lots of it, anykind. Tennis, soccer, swimming, gym, running etc etc. Hope I'll find a way to do more adventurous stuff like rock-climbing, in-line skating(I've not did that for like 2 years) and somemore stuff that wouldn't blow my budget. Perhaps I'll learn German off BBC or some other webby. LoL. And perhaps dabble in a bit of art. Some submissions in deviantart really fascinate me and get my mind working; to try those things for myself.

So many other things I'll love to do, but I'm really short on funds. Scringing my pocket money for the whole of the past month and till now I've only got like ~$130. Spent less than $10 for the whole of the "A" level period. The days before that, I went to school almost every other day and I can't possibly be a deity and not eat. Would gladly work but I'm going in in January, surely employers would prefer those who can work longer, like those who enter in April. Shall try my best.

Anyway, travelling is like ruled out because I can't leave the country 2 weeks prior to being enlisted. Since December is the peak period and everything will be fully booked by now, and it'll probably be too expensive, even around this region since they're more than likely to cash on this peak period, we'll enjoy what this sunny tropical island has to offer. We will have to find entertainment.

Bah, can't wait for meet-ups, like the one suggested by my OG(Wonder if she did anything about it already :) . Hope there'll be one for my Pre-U sem SG. It really is lovely of them to be sending well-wishes and such before the "A" levels. : )

And, I SO SO LOVE that music that goes with the Nokia N81 ad. Lovely lovely tune.
So, shall go watch Lost. Terrific show that one is.

No Shit.

2007-11-13T18:07:00.001+08:00

I got fucked bad

Postcards from the edge, wish you were here.

2007-11-10T00:27:00.000+08:00

2 weeks into the "A" levels. So much is at stake.

So much more is up for grabs.

"If the "A" levels were World War II, 13th November is D-Day"

Notes to self

_________________________________________________________

So yea, not sure how well(bad) I'll perform. Not exactly confident.

Anyway, caught sight of this site ->> http://www.physics.com.sg/

Random browsing brought me here and this site gave me such a strong inclination to comment on it. Ok, the main thing is, I feel like such a commoner after browsing through the webpages. Wow, awards here, awards there, awards everywhere. And I thought tuition was meant for those who're not exactly great in that subject; to seek additional help. Definitely not the case here because I think to enroll in a class there is in itself a competition to prove that you're good, and damn good at that. Anyway this site, it's not presented in the most subtle of ways. Gives somewhat a pinch that the author is egotistical and conceited. Not that I'm undermining his abilities, he's achievements are impressive, definitely. Well, advertising at work here I believe. Shall not go into details, go check it out yourself. :)

Self Doubt

2007-11-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

That horrid horrid thing is totally manifesting in me right now.

I'm so so afraid that I will not do well.

I know I'm doing whatever I can to the best of my abilities now but I'm so afraid what I did not do will come back to haunt me.

I cannot exactly call this my best effort. The cleanliness of my TYS-es hint of a supreme lack of discipline on my part. But I do attempt the exam papers and revision packages given to me, if that ever mitigates the most heinous sin that an "A" level candidate can commit; of not doing the TYS over and over again.

Then again, I did do my revision, in the various revision packages: papers from other JCs and past year papers. I am just so afraid of not being able to convert whatever that I've practised onto the script. I'm so afraid that my results will deviate from whatever I want to achieve.

I know I'm not exactly dumb and I can do well. But reality does seem to proof otherwise sometimes, like how I had this feel-good thing about Prelim's Chem paper 3 - I scored miserably for it.

This is real bad. It is too late to be lamenting about what I did not do. Even a 2nd chance won't work. It's like even if you were to score an A for all subjects for your second attempt, you will still not be as valued as those who did it the first time. It's like, you suck because you needed a 2nd try.

Since I cannot turn back time, I should just look ahead and complete whatever task that I've got at hand. Come what may.

I definitely am not sounding coherent because I just skipped this circular argument going round in my head. Damn

dot

2007-11-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

In the thick of things.

Like this picture, blank.

This back-to-reality feel.

Like how I realise I was speaking to a person whose back was already turned, and how I ended up mumbling to myself whatever I had intended to say, and how I have to remember whatever I was trying to say.

How easy it is to lose myself in my own thoughts. So powerful this mechanism that noise in the background blurs.

Ahhh, not sounding very sane am I? I'm not in the least bit sad or anything but just really devoid of emotions. Everything is so very peaceful, tranquil, serene and I can definitely find the inner peace in my notes where I get such a sense of security, comfort and neutrality given the fact that the "A" levels are looming in the background.

I am so at peace I think my heartbeat slowed. It's at 58-60 per minute when the last time I got so bored to actually count, it was at 70. LoL

I need something to incite, inspirit and to enliven this seemingly prosaic mind of mine. Like how you would create a wonderful piece of art with that piece of paper/parchment/whatever.

And there he stood.

2007-10-29T10:55:00.000+08:00

Sword unsheathed, shield drawn to the chest. Steadying himself into a crouch, he treaded into the unknown. On a quest he was, to slay the most horrifying of monsters and to excel in the most trying of tests, yet. Casualties abound, but there are those who have succeeded. This was as what the wisest of wise said, an elegant trial; only those capable and with the substance comes out triumphant. Like a mighty sieve, the proficient and competent will shine, like the gold which settles, while the rest will drift away and be forgotten like the gravel, mud and dust. This is the "A" levels.

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The 5 monsters:

H1 General Paper:

This is some scary shit. This is the monster of possibilities, monster of the unknown and the monster of anything-goes, all at the same time. Paper 1 consists of 12 random questions with regards to anything, everything and possibly even nothing we've ever heard of. Paper 2 on the other hand features 1 or 2 passages about possibly anything too!! The best way for an adventurer to successfully deal with this foe would be to read up on his facts about Singapore and some other (many, many other) topics. Acquiring skills, namely "Brain Blast", "Quick-wittedness" or "Serious Creativity" would definitely help a lot. Definitely hope I'll have a "Brain Blast" that day and let all my ideas spill onto the paper. Afterall, no matter how brilliant your ideas are, if it isn't on the paper, you're not exactly as brilliant as you think since there is no way the examiner know how brilliant you are when your answers aren't exactly that brilliant. Got it?

H2 Mathematics:

This is the monster of numbers. Apparently this monster has grown so powerful it can conjour up unreal numbers too! That is just too unreal. This monster has got the highest hitpoints, for it lasts up to 3 hours per fight. But of coure, it isn't exactly that hard when you've got the Graphic Calculator as your primary weapon. The skills "Extreme button punching" and "Number Frenzy" will be buffed once your ass touches the seat and the impending stress should get everything in your brain to hype up. Of course, please please remember to toggle your skill "DiagnosticON" or else your Regression and Correlation will not be exactly very perfect.

H2 Chemistry

This hydrocarbon farting, acid spurting monster is definitely one of my most feared foes. It's challenges in Equilibria is infinity in terms of the type of questions asked. Alot alot alot of energy is definitely required, for some giant molecules are covalently bonded throughout. Take caution too, lest you be burned or electricuted when the enthalpy change of reaction is less than zero or cell potential is greater than zero; it indicates that the reaction is thermodynamically feasible! Of course there'll be the problems with the transition metal solutions being coloured, and how Group VII elements undergo reduction and possibly disproportionation, and why Group II carbonates/nitrates are so cool they decompose on heat, with greater thermal stability down the group. Damn it's hard.

H2 Physics

After going through a quantum change in syllabus, it's topics in quantum mechanics just got harder. Yes, how would you like some Heisenberg uncertainty principle or Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation(LASER) pointing at you? Then there's this huge thing about Semiconductors and X-ray's characteristic spectrum. Sounds deadly. The worst part is, I may just be fried by DC circuits. Of course, I'll have to not be influenced by the force fields, regions in space in which a body experiences a force not due to contact with another body.(That's the proper defination of field of force by the way). This sounds just like Star Wars eh? Anyway Light Sabres are so not going to win this monster, it defies the law of physics for it's impossible for the radiation to stop propogating at the tip of the ligt sabre.

H2 Economics

This is the femme fatale of the horde. Be prepared to be drawn by it's curves. Yes, the curves; namely supply, demand, AD, AS, Philip's and the J curve. It should leave you salivating, after whipping you silly with the multitude of theory, assumptions and real life examples. You need to be equipped with cold, hard.....evidence, concrete examples of course, for you to really kick its ass and pluck the A from it's ass into your result slips, and leave it with ss for its ass.

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LoL, that's my take of the "A" levels. Hope that was slightly entertaining. I shouldn't be here much for the coming 3 weeks. Guess what, Physics paper 3 tomorrow. All the best to fighters on the same quest as me! And good luck, we all need some definitely. And, thanks to those who've wished me well, your well wishes are appreciated :)

Alright now,

2007-10-24T22:57:00.000+08:00

So, official lessons are over, like about 2 weeks ago lol. Last day of school was fun, had a pot-luck and had waterbomb fights and played lots of captain ball with my class! (Feels weird to narrate something so long ago. Procrastinated till now. Absolutely have to blog about that wonderful day because it's one of the things you know you wouldn't want to forget).

So, I shall spam pictures! (I didn't upload through blogger cause that will take ages. So content yourself with smaller, tinier pictures I uploaded through shutterfly!)

Last ever of this routine

Lessons!

(Ms Lin during Physics)

(Mr Siraj. He'll skin me if he finds out)

(Maths Lecture)

LOL. I may be so pwned by the statement "love for having a relaxed lifestyle"

Sights in school

Grocery shopping

Preparing the food

Hell yeah, we woke up at 3-4am to prepare it

Pot-Luck

(Mr Tong, our Chem teacher. He suggested the pot-luck :)

(Last minute gift)

Farewell Assembly

(Ms Seah's singing! LOL)

ODAC

Waterbombs

(62.5% of my female classmates)

Captain's Ball

You may all think this game is kuku but it's the only game where the fairer sex have a fair chance..haha

And Mindef had to spoil my day. Gonna be bloody bald on results day.

So, I'm left with 5 days to the first paper. Hmmm...

Slumped

2007-10-10T22:47:00.001+08:00

This is about how terrific I feel, now.

Absofuckalutely going mad

2007-10-02T19:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, freaking "A" levels 28 days away. Hell am I nervous about it.

Prelim results, especially for Chemistry, was totally disappointing and demoralising. Now I feel so weak about every subjects I do and I feel such a lack of worth when I do not know how to do a question. Really low on confidence at a time when I need it most. I swear this could just be the exam I go bonkers. So much is on the line right here. So much expectations of me to do well (on my part actually). Slowly losing grip of my ability to chill out and not be stressed. I remembered being absolutely brilliant in keeping stress off bay during "O" levels with me talking to myself that I should chill and etc. Now the more I talk to myself the more afraid I am. Damn am I stressed.

Anyway Prelim results are:
Maths H2- A
Chemistry H2- E
Physics H2- A
Economics H2- E
GP H1-E

Lousy grades. But for the first time in my JC education have I gotten A for Maths and Physics. Other than that, it really is quite very bad.

Blogging is definitely therapeutic, and so is listening to music. That's why this post is absolutely necessary in helping me not lose my balls and go mad.

It's make or break, do or die, defeat(the exam) or be defeated, now, or never. Seriously.
I think I'll be one miserable bloke if I were to not achieve what I want.

Bye, I think you should be studying like what I'm going to do now than to be reading my blog.

Fun

2007-09-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

Alright, so on Friday, I had an outing for the first time in months. It was with Jia Wei and the rest of that bunch. Had initially planned to go look at clothes and stuff in Orchard but the rest of the dudes decided otherwise. So we went to Marina South for bowling and steamboat instead!!!!

Damn damn fun. Anyway, was wearing the trademark "Amateur Pornstar" shirt. Got me quite a bit of attention while commuting and stuff.... but it was rather fun lol, for the conversations to be linked to it.

And it's a potential mocca.com advertisement lol "Want to see more? Call this number .......... Mocca, the new classifieds online. Search, buy, sell and connect, grab attention like never before. Mocca, the classifieds, simply better online!"

And then there was the bowling. LOL. Damn funny things we do. Anyway, I did the turn-around-and-between-the-legs thing once, before I did it in this clip and apparently it looked nicer. But, I think it's the same for the sake that I'm lame enough to try it. Hahaha. Too bad it's tilted to one side. But I'm sure you can see what's going on perfectly :) Derek was the stuntman with the things he do that always seem to be capable of breaking his wrist.. lol.

And a few of the pics during steamboat!

And, after not going to friendster for so long, had a weird message from a scammer. It's a job scam about some company called TooSpoiled.com. Anyway it was quite debated about on the internet a while back.

And here's a screenshot of that message.

I was like going PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT. If I can even have people looking through my pictures without grimacing or making funny comments, I wouldn't even have such an inferiority complex about myself. LoL. Do read it.

That's all for now!

500K Club. HUAT AH!!!!!!!!

2007-09-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

Prelims ended. Yes, so we've got that wee bit of freedom for now before it all begins :/
Hope I do well!!!!!

Had a very interesting day today.

After Chemistry paper 1, slacked and talk cock with usual gang and we really can talk when we're together. Talked about giant boars to giant ants and about the Rugby World Cup players and about family and about everything. Definitely about mushrooms.

So SoonHwee has a new English name, Campbell. He's our Mr Fungi or something with things growing here and there. Hahaha. Real comic relief to whatever we do.

Then did sports all the way and I'm real tired.

So, about my very interesting title. We were in the canteen and talking thrash and suddenly talked about numbers. Then someone(I forgot who) started counting us. So apparently, our number was quite nice as there was 9 of us. The gambling addicts SoonHwee and Sean were not allowed to participate because we were banking on the rest of us having "Beginner's Luck". 7 of us. Small rolled up pieces of paper containing numbers 1 to 45. And to make sure things were OK with higher poweres up in the heaven, we seeked their consents using 2 50cent coins and WE GOT A HEAD AND A TAIL!!! That's auspicious, and we started picking. HAHAHAHAHA. We were real mad. That was before Physics paper 1 at 2pm. And so, I'm the "number bearer", entrusted with the hopes of 10 people winning 500k each. If we got the jackpot. And I'm going to go buy the toto ticket tomorrow. lol......

Come to think of it, everyone of those who gamble is in a blind pursuit of their lucky break. Things do not come easy and the house always win. Sean and SoonHwee would do much better in their studies if they devoted that amount of time to the notes instead of football columns. Tsk tsk tsk.

Anyway the J1 promos are up! ALL THE BEST TO WHOEVER IS TAKING THEIR PROMOS!!!!!! How lovely if we could turn back time by 1 year and take promos again. I can safely say that's one of the best time in my life. All the fun we had from the night study prior to the promos (We didnt study alot at a go. But we started very early, so we weren't that bad :), and the hustle of preparing for the Philippines Trip that was so very inspiring :) Missing the old times. Nostalgia.

And for the first time in my 18 years of existence, I gave my mother a birthday present. How filial of me.....(It's nothing wonderful even) I think it's time to change for the better and correct whatever flaws I have. I should be a more matured individual and at least be a pleasant guy. My mom is half a century old already(that sounds real old eh? haha) and she has really given so much to me and I can't really do much to make it up to her other than to treat her nice. I've to make sure I'll treat her to fabulous meals when I earn my own money to make it up to her for all her scringing and scrimping on food to save on expenses and such. And, it's such an awakening from your childish attitude when you are aware that she is 50, and is quite old. The mother that she was when you were 5 years old and the one she is at 18 years old is quite different. You see white hairs, and something inside will most certainly tell you "Well, she has lived more than half her life and ............" Can't bring myself to say the remainders. On the day of the J2 Parents-Teachers session, I was so close to telling her off to not be stupid and say unsensitive things like how she triumphantly announced to my neighbour about the session she had with my sister's teacher. Then I saw the white hair and felt that way I do and I contracted. It was so sour, and I felt I did great injustice to her though she can be really dense sometimes. Hmmmm..... I think I've read too much, and seen too many images of people taking their close ones for granted and ended up regretting. I do not want it to happen to me. (Talk about being optimistic, no?) (This part is for my own emo-ness. You are not obliged to read it. If you did, well, now you know more about me haha)
Come to think of it, I think I am real selfish and I always hesitate; to help, or not to help when I see someone in need. But the upside is, I tend give in to the "help" side :) Makes my day brighter to know that I have or at least tried to help someone.

And here's a real funny video I saw. Spreading laughter to all! Hahaha

Dick Doodles
Some of the greatest cartoons in the world started out in very perverse ways.

Dick Doodles - Watch more free videos

It's kind of wtf eh? LoL.

...

2007-09-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

Taking time off can really undermine our momentum and current effort. Shall study tomorrow!!

And I feel so fat. Havent really exercised and doubt the tennis yesterday was of any good with me hardly hitting the balls. But my arm do ache from all the swinging though, haha. Shall play more tennis after prelims :)

Listening to some music off the internet. Found lyrics from The Killers to be rather abstract. Cause I really can't find the links to whatever they're trying to say. And their MV I find to be not of any help as well :/ But watched The Matador and never have I felt a song was more apt for a movie. :):):):) Quite a nice show, definitely deserving of the 7.0/10 it got. Plus I'll choose to think I'm a fan of Pierce Brosnan. He really is quite a good actor and he just fits my image of the cool, suave, matured man. :)

Here's the MV of the song by The Killers, All These Things That I've Done. It's a nice song, love the tune, and the lyrics though I can't exactly relate to it :) Haha

This is the UK version to it, the other one can't be embed so.... Anyway it's on youtube on this link

Off for now!

1 week into the Prelims

2007-09-14T22:44:00.000+08:00

Ok, I doubt I can do as well as i had hoped before the prelims began. Time management is a serious issue. Perhaps i should make sure things are more strongly glued to my head and i can just regurgitate at the sight of the question. Hope there'll be a 2nd prelim or something. :/

And I haven't updated in a long time. Feeling Laaaaaaazzzzyyy.

So before the break, there was a teachers' day celebration the day after GP and it was pretty fun i guess except the morning walk. Cause i got my shoe all muddy... Damn I love that shoe of mine and it got muddy.

The morning walk

So anyhow, the show was pretty good. There was this runway segment that totally brought the house down. Actually it was cause a teacher fell down that's why it was so funny. And I think 1 guy teacher was either drunk or he had problems with his sexual orientation at that point in time with him being excessively flirtatious and flamboyant, all for the show i guess. LoL. And there were the singers, J1 J2s alike. But of course the gig by Ikhsan and Kristian was THE BEST! "I'm your number 1 fan" I said, before the show started. Haha. And their dedications to the teachers were so witty and humorous, but definitely sincere. I like how their dedication to Ms Tan(Physics teacher) went; The only 1 bamboo we knew who bent against the wind. LoL, definitely fitting of her! The guys said the dancers were hot but i wasn't exactly paying attention cause i was getting everyone to sign on Mdm Wong and Ms Seah's card (I'm the Maths Rep!). And i was seated too far back to catch any cleavage like they said :( :( :( :P

Kristian and Ikhsan

OH YEA, Ms Lin gave me a book, the Da Vinci Code illustrated edition. That is just so cool, and random of her. I dont think i've done a lot of good to deserve that. She is just plain nice. :) And, we celebrated her birthday in advance as well. Anqi was real cool to single-handedly compile an album of our pictures and our thoughts to Ms Lin. Kudos to her! I'm so damn sure everyone in class appreaciated her efforts though we were real naughty to not have helped her or even cooperated with her to give her the photos on time. Thanks!!!!!

Ms Lin and her cake! (This is such a badly taken shot)

How splendid of everyone to do such things last minute :)

Page 1 of the album, the content is really nice :)

I guess I did fair for the break, in terms of studies. I knew how to do the questions in the prelims, except those chapters/topics which thought I was too smart to pay attention to. How smart of me ay? So curse myself for that. And i went to the Army Open House 2007. It's held once every 2 years. Uber cool that place was. Such a shame we went there too late and it was drizzling and all. Totally looking forward to NS. No books, free food, exercise, plus the company of strangers who will become your best friends. How cool is that. Hope this idealistic notion of Army being a haven wont change after i enter NS. LoL.

So, tried the Live Firing plus the marksmanship thing(which I totally sucked at). Then we took pictures with all the vehicles and helicopters on display and then all of them bought a shirt. I really didnt like the colour. It was definitely a fun day and the next time it's held, i may even be there manning the exhibits. And the next next time it's held, I'll be halfway or done in Uni. And then the next one will be me working. And after that one and some, god knows, i may even be visiting it with kids and wife in tow :) Army Open house is like such a good timeline for a person's life. Well, I'm at the point in life where things are blistering fast and exciting and it will get all boring after the thirties. Perhaps that's why man undergo the mid-life crisis from the lack of excitement. LoL. So, here are some of the pics. We definitely asked a lot of favors from NS men to help us take pictures..

Haven't been a good boy.

2007-09-08T00:32:00.000+08:00

So, I holed up at home for the past week and i haven't exactly been studying alot. Hmmm, feeling slightly stressed now. Being a caveman i guess will make you a recluse. I'm starting to look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame already, with me always hunching over the desk or the keyboard.

Disappointed

2007-08-30T22:01:00.000+08:00

With my GP paper that is. Am not going to do well for sure. Did the topic i had actually studied and paid quite some attention to (Family). Hmmm, damn. It is just so disappointing to know that you can, and know how to write a brilliant piece of work but the output is just not enough.

So wasn't exactly in the best of mood after school :(

But felt better after i ate :) I'm the most irritable prick if i'm hungry and i will feel like the whole world is against me. Quelled my hunger and slacked till now. I think i need that wee bit of slacking cause i'm definitely not feeling well these few days. Am totally off when i'm with friends and i bet i dont have a positive vibe when others talk to me or are around me.

My mind now is like one convoluted piece of thrash with everything i know somehow entwined together. Makes it so hard for me to sieve out what i want: the necessary points to bring forth the argument etc. And i feel like such a goon.

Anyway for lunch, had a craving for luncheon meat. And those instant roti pratas were the main course. So i effectively had Roti Prata with pork. LoL! But i am in no way supporting what this article is advocating.

I believe as a civic minded, responsible individual who apparently, is entrusted with the power to express the freedom of speech and thought(though a blog), should show consideration and not make insensitive comments that may thwart our social milieu; a diverse, multi-cultural, mulit-lingual society. What a long sentence but i believe it is the most politically correct and politically safe statement to make :)

Oh well, dont know if i make any sense but i'm off now!

Going gaga

2007-08-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

Yes, going gaga. LoL random.

Ms Lin being the super nice teacher she is bought us cheesecake today! Damn nice and it looks damn cute too. Shall get photos and upload it somewhere.

And as usual, am getting nowhere in life.

Shall attempt to work on GP. And i wanna change my blogskin, it's got mould growing on it already.

One of those rare occurences...

2007-08-24T20:33:00.000+08:00

So, now I'm (I seriously think that I'm) so madly infatuated. One of those rare ones that seriously make me absolutely and completely mad. My brain tells me it's just a phase and that i should not be occupied about such stuff but my heart's like telling me another thing altogether. Never have i thought that the phrase "qin bu zi jin" has made so much sense. And it makes me completely crazy. Perhaps it's that small little being in my head that's screaming "You're fucking 18 and you've still not grown the balls to admit anything". Oh well, i guess it'll just fade away (the infatuation that is) :)

And the serious thing about this is, i get so unduly stressed from thinking about her. Somehow or rather, i think there is this unfounded, incomprehensible fear of rejection. God knows why i feel that way but i was completely owned on Thursday morning. Some mysterious uncertainty hit me and negative thoughts started sinking in. And i developed a fever and a hell of a headache. This is how destructive it is to the physical being; from the cynicism, pessimism and inferiority complex. Absolute madness i tell you and i totally cannot come up with a reason for all of this. That's what the ancients call "Love sickness"? More of madness i think. Hahaha. But then, it could just be that i haven't been eating and sleeping well for the past 2 weeks of schoolwork, schoolwork and more schoolwork. Perhaps stress is getting into me.

Come to think of it, i've never really been stressed from what is expected of me. The "O" levels, the most important examination i've taken so far, wasn't even this bad. Perhaps i had low expectations then. Wasn't hoping on alot then but lucky, lucky me that i got a decent grade. Now i know what i want and i know what is expected of me. Stressed and anxious; that's what i'm feeling day to day now. AND, the fact that i've got such a mad infatuation at this period isnt exactly helping.

Asked Chantel for help in J1 topics for GP. Yes, reading those readings should clear my head for a while. And how cryptic of her to be asking a favour of me and not tell me upfront; "Tell you personally when i pass you the notes". Hmmm... *raises brows and looking so ever puzzled*

Gaaaaah. Am going completely mad. I think i should just take a break, watch some silly movie and laugh myself crazy. How nice to have the weekend again, though each weekend means 7 days to the ultimate quest. mad. I think i'll go berserk from the stress.

GP Prelim coming thursday!!!!!! I hope i will not screw myself that day.

REFER TO MY PREVIOUS POST!!!!!

2007-08-21T22:49:00.000+08:00

Taking a quicker breather.

And i just realise entries devoid of emoticons are so neutral :( absolutely dull :(. Omg, "absolute" reminds me of my "Absolut" at Olivia's. But i think she probably finished everything lol.

And, here are some clips which i think are cool. :) And school today is pretty cool too :)

Hip Hop Violin - Watch more free videos

This is pure funny. I think this appeals to Chao Yi, the Singaporean Spartan hahaha.

This Is Sparta Remix (Remix) - Watch more free videos

And this is pure ownage LOL. But if you're such a goody-goody and so pure in the mind, you may not catch this. ;)

Crime Scene Investigator Busted - Watch more free videos

2007-08-21T19:10:00.000+08:00

WILL TRADE SIZE L FOR M. Or you can buy the shirt from me for $10. I'll absorb the $0.70 GST ;)

For those new, school Polo-Tees. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

It's official. My perception of sight is severely skewed and i am god damn pa jiao. Way back on the Philippines trip, i bought a shirt that could fit 2 of me and since then, i've always bought shirts that aren't exactly my size. Now this.

Any takers????

And and and, it's hell in school. Prelims are closer than around the corner and i so do not want to just do mediocre. Maths Mock tomorrow and shall go study now. Give me a buzz or anything if you want my shirt.

Arrrgh.

It's been a lazy, lazy day.

2007-08-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

Today was just wet, cold and grey. Afternoons you just want to sleep away.

Actually yes, i slept right up till the afternoon before i got my lazy ass up. It really is a luxury to lie on the couch, reading TIMES magazine with sound from the TV to keep me company. I don't exactly like reading in silence. Makes one feels too alone.

The past week was hell, had tests/mock exams/timed assignments everyday and everyday was a day to prepare for the next day. Slept at 1am every day and surprisingly, didnt have any power naps during lectures, or at least any of which i can remember. Hahaha. But of course, the results are gonna own. I seriously cannot imagine what i'm going to get for econs casestudy.

And tennis was great as usual.

Monday and Tuesday were the best! Cause i got my dose of wonder drug! Hahahaha. So, it's been a bad week really cause i only had it twice in the week. Those short, brief moments were long, slow collisions. Totally made my day. Hmm, damn. Time is running out and i know i haven't got the balls. But then, i doubt my intentions. I guess i will never ever come to an agreement with myself.

And and and, i think i know what scares the crap out of me. Amphibians and reptiles. Especially frogs and toads. Just the 100m walk through the open field which is manifested by toads and all freaks me out bad. I trembled. I actually trembled. This is pretty extreme ay? Instead of the tingling at the spine, i felt in down my balls and i cringe. Holy fuck. Those croaking from all around me (surround sound lol), seriously i can't take it. How i wish i have this flame thrower and i'll set those toads on fire.

And damn, i'll have to re-upload the photos which are having errors. And Prelims are like less than 10 days away. I for sure am not going to do what i had intended to in June; to be working after prelims.

The World is Against Me

2007-08-10T00:48:00.000+08:00

Don't you get that sort of feelings sometimes? When people just do not live up to what you set them to be. Disappointment I suppose. I guess i've gotta learn and live with that, no way will i ever want them to leave for good, though sometimes i think it would be nice if they could just give me some space and perhaps fuck off for a while. I don't hate them, but just that they can be such childish pricks. I've got too high an expectation for them? Maybe. And i think i've not been in a very good mood at home these days. School's fine but somehow, the night will be spoilt.

And it's been a long time since i've posted. Everytime i want to blog, i get so tired or i'll procrastinate. Sometimes the incessant nagging from the mother or the asshole behavior of the obnoxious father puts me off. But well, i guess i'm in the wrong sometimes.

So much for the negativity. Had this one conversation with Chantel and laughed my ass off over something stupid. The mindlessness was infectious. Cause i don't know what made me said, "Ninjaturtle fat or evil, what i told you was the truth." Hahaha

Alright, let's see what's been happening for the past many days. Shall let pictures do the talking! (WARNING: IMAGE HEAVY)

27/7/2007 (It was a Friday and Fridays are always so fun)

Probably our last Chem Practical ever.

Looking through the scratched, dusty, worn out lab goggles.

The experiment. Transition elements so lots of pretty ppt but i forgot and poured the nicer ones away.

Basin art. Aren't they pretty?

Patrick Tong

Nice shade of blue.

Yong Chang was playing with chemicals. Lucky he didnt cause a fire like what he did last time. He seriously set the basin on fire last time with god knows what. Must say, Patrick Tong wasnt exactly impressed.

Traffic light you say?

Slightly more normal people in class.

The addicts(to homework). Haha

Definitely the nicest and cutest teacher ever

Seeing double? The twins effect.

Birthday celebration for July babies. Lots of July babies in the class.

And Xiang Rong was the birthday boy!

After School, pre-home work time.

When i reach home. Now now, isnt he cute? My mom's a baby sitter, so i get to play with this toddler. He's not yet 2. And he's getting naughtier and naughtier by the day. And, he's quite an adrenaline junkie. He totally loves it when i throw him into the air or speed him around in that toy cart.

The latest piece of equipment yet to hit the gyms.

(8/8/2007) National Day Celebration and Ms Lin's Treat!!

So now, there's this craze about the pokemon game at age 18. LoL. And apparently, I'm Rattata, a rat pokemon. LoL, and we're all being named after a pokemon. Damn, found my GameBoy Pocket and the screen is screwed. Damn. So the National Day celebrations saw Alvin on the GameBoy for the longest time (even when he pee-ed) and us tossing doggie (ZongTing) into the air just for the fun of it. Haha.

After the Celebrations, was bus-ed down to the Grand Hyatt Singapore for a buffet lunch courtesy of Ms Lin and Ms Tan. It's supposedly $38 per pax and both teachers treated 06S12 and 06S13. So that's 50 people for you and you do the math. They say it's a graduation gift to us and i think we really have got to thank them. Love them to the max. And i swear i will not, not do physics homework again!!

After the lunch, we (06S13 2006 people) went to Marina Square for the arcade while we waited for our turn on the waiting list for the bowling. Super super fun. Hahahaha, was like hitting the drains for such a long time before i finally got a grasp of the spin. Yes, how i love it when i learn something new. And the way ikhsan bowled, stiff and somewhat disjointed actions, reminded me of those OK Go guys on their treadmill lol. Like a hippy bowling hahaha.

And after the outing, met up with Brian, XinHao, Ang Siang for Rush Hour 3. After a terrbily terribly long bus ride. Not that long but i was alone and i hate being alone. Got a bit of motion sickness i guess cause i had this terrible headache. Rush Hour 3 fared "Ok...." on my list. Not exactly that funny but the ending was too abrupt. Not exactly my kind of movie but it was ok i guess.

Playing the GameBoy

Tossing dog but i doubt you can see anything here

Can't even stop for the moment to pee

The bus trip down

To StraitsKitchen. Lovely place that is.

Can even pass off as some place in a Nature Reserve

Group Photo.

Lovely polished floor in the Lobby.

In the Arcade on Daytona

Bowling. I kinda like the effect of this picture

(9/8/2007) National Day!!

So, after a afternoon of conflicts on the msn, it was left to Me, Xinhao, Minghao and Angsiang on a outing. Headed down to the Padang to watch fireworks and they're quite lovely though it was very short. Things were more interesting after the fireworks.

So, the explosion of fireworks really turns me on. Just like how good music does. Whenever there's a particularly good sound from bands, or a really nice part of a song, i'll get goosebumps and this so very slight adrenaline rush. Sense of hearing stimulated.

And, there was this group of mat(malay punks as what everyone calls) running down the road and 2 in that group trip and fell on their race to god-knows where. LoL, everyone laughed. And, we saw those roadworks machinery on the side of the road and decided to just climbed up and take a picture or 2 of us pretending to drive before those mat appeared. This time, they incurred the wrath of some security guard who chased and grabbed one of those little beings. Scared the shit out of us when we saw the security guard cause we were on that machinery and it wouldn't be pretty if we were caught or anything. So we jumped off and resumed our path to Plaza Sing again.

Had BK for dinner and then walked to Far East for no reason. Then saw this tranny with humongous bosoms. Humongous isnt a word i usually use but this was the word that came to my mind. And then Xinhao pointed out somemore trannies. Not sure if they are but Xinhao was so sure. Perhaps he has got a thing for trannies. Urgh. Disgusting. LoL.

Then headed for home on 190 and saw Angeline's sister hanging out rather intimately with a guy with seriously bad hair. And i thought mine was bad enough. But that guy looks sinister and with his over-the-top hair, he doesnt look he'll be accepted in any secondary school. Weird.

Then headed for home after quite an interesting day. =)

Bitter

2007-08-02T22:11:00.000+08:00

Parents.

Never fails to afflict you with heartache, disappointment, and displeasure.

And no one's there.

And so,

2007-07-24T19:25:00.001+08:00

The past week flew by pretty fast!

So, summary.

1. Was late for school. Twice.

Mornings now are so cool, breezy. The sort that makes you wanna crawl back in bed just to snooze for that little while, to give yourself a once-in-a-while treat. And anyway, not that i woke up too late. The bus is screwed and its arrival time is unpredictable. And, Pudge is so damn free to close the gates 2 minutes earlier. Damn it.

2. Hurt my shoulder

So my old shoulder problem recurred. Dislocated it somewhere early this year while doing pull-ups, but it socketed itself and hurt for a while. On Wednesday, less than 10 seconds into Tennis PE, I gleefully grabbed a racket from the basket and served. *Crrraaacckk* it went and GG. Was left with my arm hinging off the shoulder socket, but continued with PE anyway.

3. Never will I ever go back to the "Chinese Therapy" (Tui na) place again.

This time i went to another place cause the previous "Therapist" one i went to was overseas. Went to a one on the 2nd floor of Keat Hong instead. So instead of massaging or things of that sort, they used suction pumps and took out the "bad" blood. ROOOOAAAARRRR. I just do not buy that. The science they practice is pretty warped. The "bad" blood; congealed, curdled and in an extremely dark shade of red that it was almost purple, was probably due to the suction pumps.

Was left with purple polka dots on my right shoulder and blue blacks from their hammering to "ease the muscles" and diagnosis of the problematic spot. They pressed so hard it was painful enough. Can't even distinguish the part that was actually hurt or due to their iron fingers. Damn. And it cost a bloody $28. And i'm one peeved customer.

4. Tennis is really really fun.

Ok, i still suck as bad as when i last posted. But improving. It was so fun and even the shoulder didnt stop me. My movements were pretty restrained though. Borrowed rackets over the weekend from the SC. Played tennis till late on friday and had another round on Sunday at Minghao's. Got myself a lovely tan yet again ;) My arms darkens very very quickly, and it looks weird. Shall play more Tennis.

5. Time flies during tutorials.

Ok, been paying more attention in class and time passes real quickly when you focus. Even when the day's over, it still feels like it just started. But it starts getting tiring soon after, and i can't really study in school in the afternoons.

Perhaps because time flies so quickly, my assignments are still stuck at last week's. omg lol.

Today's tuesday already :/

6. Supposedly down to the last stage of braces!

After the next 2/3 treatment, i should be ready for surgery. But it'll be so uncool to be having a surgery in the holidays. But i wanna get the surgery done, at least i think i'll look more normal. Hopefully.

And i'm re-introduced to the pain again. Omg, the dentist inserted more things and it's quite a bitch. Right now, I'm gnawing on my food. And it's freaking pain.

~~7. I feel like having a companion. A female one at that.~~

Pretty self-explainatory. But i doubt it'll happen. I've never had one before and i'll love to have a taste of what it's like. Ehhh wait, it doesnt sound exactly right. No, i'll better not want to have a girlfriend. No.

8. Damn i need company.

I'VE NOT WATCHED THE LATEST INSTALMENT OF HARRY POTTER!!! Anyone?

9. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I've not read it yet and if anyone were to spoil it, I'm sure to kick your ass. Literally. Haha

School School

2007-07-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, GP lessons now on Gender Roles and suddenly remembered this video i saw on break.com. Not much of links between the contents of the video and Gender Roles but for a woman to speak with such conviction and ownage tearing down of arguments made by the clerics in a still very traditional society of the Middle East, she deserves some acknowledgement. =). Pure ownage! Real cool of her. Points i totally agree to. Wrote some of the points she brought up for GP essay in Mid-Years. But not on the part of bombings here and there haha

Arab Woman Takes on Muslim Clerics

This clip is going to be controversial but I thought it took real balls for this Arab woman to take on Islamic extremists and this Muslim cleric all at once. She is braver than I am.

Arab Woman Takes On Muslim Cleric - Watch more free videos

Alright, had Nanyang concept test today. It isn't exactly that hard. Just my opinion. Everything is in the "A" level syllabus and i think it makes an extremely good practise for the lead up to the "A" levels. Hope i'll pass it or something, I think i know whatever each question was asking about though there were some which i just do not know the answer. Ah never mind, shall know my results when the time comes!

Anyway PJ had the Past vs Present day and Arts day and College day. Talk about the lack of time. Missed out on Everything since i was in the LT. But some of the clique were around so it was still quite fun. I think our events are quite very tame. PJ never opens up to the public except on Open House, unlike all the carnivals in the other JCs. Arts day was like a gallery featuring around 20 stills outside a make shift gallery outside the library and half a dozen arts courses like "MTV Moves" etc for the school. quite dull in my opinion.

Played tennis yesterday for about 2-3 hours and got baked from the hot hot sun. We were playing in the hottest time of the day, so i got myself a lovely tan on my arms and the back of my neck. And my nose. Tan lines just got more apparent. And oh, thanks so much to Shee Kwang for getting us rackets! Tennis is the new love! <333. Haha. But i suck pretty bad, just like everyone in the clique. Guess this sort of put everyone on a level-playing field, haha. Basketball, soccer and badminton are such imba sports in the clique. I play basketball at the level of a primary school kid. The fact that i'm tall makes it so much worse. It definitely isnt my sport. =)

so much for now, shall get back to writing my testimonial!

Testimonial

2007-07-13T00:37:00.001+08:00

Shui Yuan was a member in the Outdoor Activities Club(ODAC) from 2006 to 2007. Under ODAC, his endurance skills were honed from the expeditions he attempted. His ability in public speaking was recognised as he was one of those appointed to present to the school, the learning experiences of an ODAC trip to the Philippines. Organisational skills and creativity were exhibited in the planning of "Amazing Race" for his peers. Shui Yuan, through his steadfastness, has gained the approval of his peers.

Shui Yuan was a Student Liaison Officer for the Pre-University Seminar 2007. His sense of duty and care for participants were central to the role he played. Shui Yuan's ground leadership and interpersonal skills were clearly demonstrated as his ability to effect communication fostered greater relationships between participants under his charge. His affable personality and willingness to commit to the welfare of his charges has won him the respect, and has made him well-liked by the participants.

Shui Yuan has taken the initiative to be part of the first-aid team in college activities. He was a first-aider for the college's Sports Meet 2007, Round Island Cycling Expedition and the Amazing Race 2007. His compassion and disposition to care and provide for fellow peers is apparent. His willingness to go the extra mile by sacrifacing his time for others is a commendable quality. Shui Yuan's ability to put his skills acquired to practice has made him a more experienced and matured individual.

Emo kid + Random stuff

2007-07-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'm too emo, and possibly overwhelmed by Economics, I can't help but feel that I'm always others' opportunity cost.

Anyway got back GP. Did as badly like I thought I would. An E. Oh well, my comprehension skills suck shit.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna flunk everything if I continue whatever I'm doing now. Totally slacking like I've got all the time in the world. 109 days to the "A" levels omg. I think I've got to start picking momentum and one way is to exclude myself from friends after school. Always end up playing and talking trash whenever we meet. Haha.

I want a nice mountain bike.

I want to get out of my constant state of tiredness in school.

I want to stop thinking crap.

Final Charge

2007-07-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

Alright, so the tutorials have begun, after a long long break that has seen the Pre-U sem and the holidays rot. Ahhhh

Hmm, school's still the same. Same people everywhere, same facilities. At least the physical aspect. But the mood i guess has just got this wee bit of rush. Less than 18 weeks to the "A" levels omg.

Papers are flying back to us and as expected, got dismal results. Failed none. I'm at this standard of being consistently mediocre, always just making the grade but not doing spectacular. E CCB. That's Economics, Chemistry, Physics and Maths for you. Sounds like some crude Hokkien expletive lol. Has yet to get back GP but i don't have high hopes.

Lessons are quite very tiring. Getting rather restless in class now. Have yet to recover from the holiday fun i guess. Anyway, this Mid-year exam is the most enjoyable exam i've ever taken. Never had so much fun after the papers, playing Mahjong, in the middle of the exam weeks. LoL. Fighting my eyelids in class and lectures. Succumbing to the occasional power naps during lectures, right in front of the lecturers. Haha.

So i've not done any work at all in school this week. Spending my afternoons and evenings with friends discussing how badly each of us had done. And, also to just talk cock. LoL, we are really a bunch of overgrown kids who are so easily self-entertained. We hit the gym quite frequently, twice this week already. And i ran 10 rounds too! Pretty satisfied cause the last time i ran was for NAPHA. That makes it close to 3 months of not moving faster than crawling. But i sure took a long time to complete that run. I ran more than 20 minutes, gotta improve on that.

Saturday was most exciting, it was Dragon Boat session with the J1s down at Kallang river. The past week had been a furnace. Hot and dry. Saturday morning was a dampener, rained like mad and it was super cold. We had to wait at the bus stop for the rain to stop to walk over to the dragon boat place. Stood there in the freezing cold for about quite a while before the rain fizzled to a drizzle and we walked over in the cold.

The session was fun, albeit short. Was suppose to start at 8 you see, but we got there at only about 9 due to the rain. It's a tough sport. Especially when you've got a boat that's not quite bonded. Me and Zang, Minghao and Wyner were the 2 pairs shifted to the 3rd boat to fill it up cause there wasn't enough people in it. The teachers then joined us. The 4 of us could've still been in the J2 boat if the teachers had been more decisive and got in earlier. Then the J2s would've been in one boat and we'll all be happy together. Too bad.

Then, the 4 of us were working the hardest. We were like rowing like mad during the mini competition but there were quite a lot of those in our boats who gave up when they were tired. Like we weren't when we paddled none stop from start to end and shouting the timings. RAAHHH. The insulting fact is, we've got the most boys in the boat. Wyner was owning, providing the fun that the 4 of us had. He never failed to bring up the fact that the centre portion(Where the teachers were) were not rowing. LoL. And he did discussed very loudly with one of the facilitators/coaches for the day from NUS dragon boating about who wasn't ~~rolling~~ rowing. Haha. The team from NUS dragon boat was wonderful, to say the least. :)

So after getting all wet from the "pristine" water of Kallan river, we had to take a bath. Over a dozen PJC ODAC boys crammed in a toilet to bathe is always an experience. Quite a noisy affair as well, hahahaha. Super funny when we started comparing our manhoods. Saw what we shouldn't have had and said things we shouldn't have had. Then, i guess it's quite a sight to see over a dozen boys squeezing in front of the mirror to do our hair. Yes, we're all urban, new-age metrosexuals who're quite self-conscious. And to add, the underwear is a delusive piece of material. ;) Haha

So, had lunch at KFC. No more packed with Netball girls from secondary schools all over Singapore like the last time we went :( LoL. Then we went to play pool at paradiz centre. Never go there dear boys and girls, it sucks hard. Long story cut short, Jun Hui's itchy ass resulted in us taking apart a pool table and fixing it back after dropping some balls in the spoiled table. Here are the pics of the dumbass moment. Anyway the auntie couldn't have done a better job by asking us to settle it ourselves.

Lunch

Bad Pool experience

(Check that auntie out....)

After that, loitered in Plaza Singapura for unknown reasons and me, HuiJun, Sean and Zang went to look for Zang's new bike! After spending like 5 hours deliberating on which one to buy, Zang finally settled for a GIANT. So, he blew $499 on a "worthless piece of metal" like i said at the end of the day, jokingly of course. Wow, i so want to own a bike like this but i know i can't save up for it cause i'm one hell of a spendthrift. Zang owns a GIANT zomg. Wonder when i get to ride it.

Hmm, so i got home pretty late and had a very nice sleep at the end of the day cause i still had the floating feeling from the morning of Dragon Boating.

Sunday's gone and i've not done anywork :(

Check Up

2007-07-03T21:10:00.001+08:00

So, today had my NS check up. Not sure what i missed in school but i sure am not losing out if it were results..

Met with Siang and HuiJun at 8am at CCK MRT. Got to redhill MRT too early and me and my itchy ass suggested we walk. So we walked there and got ourselves sticky and sweaty in the heat. All of us started rotting in the morning lol.

Got to CMPB, directed into the Photostudio by fingers. Was pointed to the wall on instructions. And had my face wiped Military style. Too bad i'm no sweet little damsel but a fat boy to go into NS. My face was wet, and oily i suppose. That guy got a tissue, asked me to stand straight, and jammed the tissue right into my face giving me a facial on the spot. Was cringing and cursing him like f*** on the inside for that. Was rather painful, try having your face wiped. And apparently, i think you'll have to follow lots of instructions and no way can they be clearer by having you to read the instructions. And fingers direct you. Always.

Got to station 1. Was pointed to the bottle and stick of paper. Directed by the Medic to the toilet with him pointing in the direction of it, and asked to read the instructions in the toilet. We were suppose to pee in this bottle and stick that paper in. Rather messy affair i suppose but i managed it fine :). Hahaha. Siang had problems, water just wouldnt flow... lol

Then was pointed to the seat to sit and waited for my name to be called. Got my finger pricked and then had my blood drawn from my vein by a Medic who tried to be, but wasn't quite very humourous. Oh well. It sure is weird to have your veins poked, and to see your blood oozing from it. Interesting sight.

Was pointed out of the door with the ever-so-uninspired tone going : "Proceed to station 2 and read the instructions on the wall". No problems with my teeth. I maintain my pearly whites very well ;) No pun intended with the pearly, and white *ahem*. LoL. Anyway come to think of it, i've got very little teeth as compared to the average adult. A normal grown-up is supposed to have 30-32 teeth and i've got 26. But that's why mine are so big. LoL. The whole of my upper, between and including the canines have never ever fallen off. So i was this freak who laughed at everyone in class while in primary 1 for being "boh geh" cause i could. Haha. So what i've got are milk teeth that've grown roots!

Same set of signals, different set of hands. Same tone, different venue. To station 3, X-ray! Hmm, that Medic for station 3 seriously rocks. He's probably the only one who smiled at all those there for medical and made an effort to read our names instead of "errr, ok go here...". Real great attitude. Perhaps i should write in or something. Haha. Got into the room, took off my shirt, and ushered in for X-ray. That X-ray uncle i think the radiation got him or something. He's real weird. Not that i'm judging but he really is. He couldnt really speak properly and his eye bags were like drawn on with charcoal. really. Go check him out for those who've yet to go for Medical lol.

Directed to station 4 by the ever-so-nice Medic for eye check up. Yes, my eyes are kinda screwed with squint so the Medic there allowed me to skip the queue and i went for testing that others did not have to do. More enjoyable i suppose. Haha, then had this doctor to examine my eyes. No problems with squint he said and i will be going to do my duties just fine :). Think i was rather goondu to not blink when he tested my eye and i started tearing lol.

Station 5 was stupid. You put on ear phones, watch the Medic outside laugh, and you raise your hands silly. Wasn't paying attention and i was looking at whatever the Medic was doing outside. Saw him saw me, he turned and laughed to his other friend and then pressed some buttons. Then only i realised sound was played and i started raising my hands. LoL. It wasn't music, some weird high frequency noise only.

Then station 6! Where everyone in there walked about half-naked. The ECG(No idea what that is) room was super funny. I laid on the bed, and had a doctor/medic/whatever stick some suction stuff across my chest. Apparently the medics over there all have got this pseudo-sternness or whatever and they were always expressionless and somewhat stern, at least they tried to. Michael(If i remembered correctly) stuck the pumps on my chest and i like chuckled when it got to my weak area, somewhere around the waist. "Very funny ah?" He asked, trying to be serious, but he was like laughing underneath lol. "Ticklish" was my answer. It really was, really can't stand having anything touch that area. LoL

Then height and weight, blood pressure and then the most exciting, consultation by doctor. Asked whatever he had to, if i've got anything wrong and whatsoever. Then, "Ok, stand up, go to the wall, face me, and take off your pants and underwear." Best. Classic. Did as he said, rather hesitant in my movements. Stood up, pulled everything down. Was ~~rather~~ seriously very shocked. Apparently he(I'd assume so -.-) wasnt feeling himself and was shrivelled in fear? Anyway he wasnt proud and confident and wasn't feeling as pumped up as he should. Seeing that, was rather disappointed...sigh lol. Totally not what i've expected. Hahaha. But thank god i could cover him up after a cough. He's fine now ;)

Then aptitude test. Nothing much to say other than spending around 1hour infront of the computer trying to work against impossible timelines to complete questions. If they were to dispatch us to units according to that, i think i'll be classified somewhere between being retarded and mildly retarded. Probably sent to some unit and be hung on tanks or jeeps to act as meatshields cause there's absolute no value for my brains lol.

Come to think of it, i think i can understand why everyone in there has got the tone and face. I don't think i'll enjoy it very much to see boys walking around half naked, somewhat still blur to instructions pasted on the walls and still having to reply to questions which i've replied to over a few million times. LoL.

After such a wonderful morning which took less than 3 hours as compared to the stipulated 4-5 hours (we were early so no need to wait), we got ourselves to Tiong Bahru Plaza, had lunch, and watched Transformers!

Ok, the movie is seriously for viewing only. You just lose yourself in the computer graphics and get awed by the female lead, Megan Fox, who's seriously hot. Watch, just watch. Cause there's nothing for you to take away anyway. Not bad lah, IMDb rates it a whopping 8.3/10 which i expect it to drop in the future. Such rating's usually for real good movies like Schindler's List or something. Anyway, the plot, however thin, is still better than Jack Neo's works which are just pure exaggerations of whatever's perceived of our society. Not even worthy of being satirical cause i don't find it in the least bit funny. Ok, the few dumb parts here and there. Best phrase from HuiJun to describe his works "Low Class". LoL, i guess we're pretty averse to Jack Neo. But, Megan Fox is seriously damn hot.

And then, we left for home. School's starting tomorrow. Have yet to write my own testimonial, due today actually. And i don't wanna get my results. I'm going to own everyone. GG for me. Good game.

GG

2007-07-02T18:08:00.000+08:00

Yes, it's a GG for me. I guess. Anyway it's most definite. Have as much chance of being an astronaut for it to work out. Sigh.

Been extremely lazy and if i can say, losing myself lately. Can't seem to remember anything at all. Things just slip my mind when i want to do anything. Like now. I think i've stopped using my brains since the exams ended. Dust accumulating on my grey matter i suppose.

Anyway, TAKE HEED! ANSWER THE CALL!! GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL!!

Oh my, it's like blistering hot out here. Not that i'm not accustomed to the heat, I'm a Singaporean, but it's getting real terrible. I perspire at home sitting down not doing anything. Temperatures are set to rise. So do your part everyone, SAVE THE EARTH! Haha

And, i think i'm rotting on the inside. Not going out with friends really turn me into a slight social-retard. For the whole of the June holidays, i did not have any outings with the clique and all i did was stay at home. When i went back to school, it almost felt weird to even be talking to a fellow human-being cause for the whole of the holidays, i was always talking to myself, replying my own questions etc. Sounds mad but that's what i do at home. Keeps me entertained i guess, haha. And i think i'm becoming quite a cynic. Bad bad thoughts just shoot through my head and they really are bad. Shan't elaborate. Really hate myself for having thoughts that i do not wish to have. It's like my brain and I are 2 seperate identities. Maybe it's just that i'm evil.

Slightly overdue

2007-07-01T18:51:00.000+08:00

Okay, there go the mid-years for me. Well, am quite fucked for most papers, actually for all papers. Couldn't have managed it any better though, i tried my best, out of whatever time i had left from all the "resting" to study. Haha

Ok, now when i look at my previous post, i think it's quite very dumb. It's rhetorical, but oh well.

Hmm, Friday(29/6/07). Had Physics paper in the morning. Then after contemplating on what to do for the grocery shopping for like super long, finally decided to meet at 4pm at Yew Tee MRT station and latecomers will have their "ma ma si, pa pa si"(mother die, father die). Oh well, that's Xinhao for you... Hahaha. So the initial party of people to meet up for the food was left with me and xinhao. The rest were all late or came only when we started cooking -.-

Okay, to make up for the loss of manpower, which had only me, xinhao and huijun who came late, we pushed the NTUC cart right up to the BBQ pit. LoL, real funny when we told the cashier if we could push the cart to the carpark, cause we were driving. lol. Anyway, some middle-aged ah soh sitting at the poolside with nothing better to do told us in a slightly less then amicable manner that we shouldn't be using the cart. *middle-fingers to her*

Ok, Sean came up with this plan of having a BBQ for god-knows-what reason. But since we don't do it often(actually it's my first BBQ with them), i guess it's ok. Anyway for the price we paid, we could've ordered MacDelivery and have a 3 person servings including drinks for each and everyone of us. LoL, plus we didnt have to clean up the place. But i'm sure we had an extremely enjoyable, fulfilling and real exciting time together.

So the BBQ was made to be a "clear it all" session between whoever(s) that's unhappy about whatever. Seriously bloody lame things that some of us 17-18 year olds can still argue about. Damn stupid. And more often than not, it's just one person and even the neutral party(initially) of Minghao starts being unhappy of the whiny lamer. Me in the mean time, am still maintaining the neutral stand. At least i try to. I'm lazy to make my point. It'll just be brushed aside by the ever-defensive guy. Storms in teacups i suppose. Why can't all of us have a open mind. And just chill, we'll be happier people!

Okay, was given a cake! And a bottle of Corona Extra as a birthday present. Haha. Corona Extra is quite very nice if you asked me. Really is.

Then after the BBQ, half of whoever that came left while the rest of us stayed over at Minghao's. Did nothing over there. Ok, we oogled at friendster profiles and at Minghao's house, it's sort of taboo, like porn omg. Not sure why but when his mom walked past, Minghao had to change the page and pretend he was doing something else. It's just friendster.

Then, me, xinhao, hui jun and jun hui being such considerate and law-abiding citizens, we pushed the cart back to NTUC! Talked cock all the way~

Then had Mahjong at 4am after Wyner, Linkang, Cheng Jie and Jason were done. Played till 9am in the morning. Then slept till 11am and left Minghao's house. Was quite very dazed from the lack of sleep and had developed a cold. There's something about Minghao's house that always leave me with a cold. Should be due to the dust or something cause everyone was weezing. Left for home at around 12+!

Hmmm, was like super duper tired but i was so determined to not sleep. I slept at 3+am friday morning, woke at 6am and lasted till 9am Saturday morning before sleeping another 2 hours and then stayed up till 3am Sunday morning. Must say i've got quite a talent for torturing myself. Haha.

ah, forgot what i wanted to say, shall edit this again

Being Human

2007-06-22T21:05:00.001+08:00

Slept at 6am after Mahjong. As usual, i lost. Oh well. But surprisingly i wasn't in the least bit disappointed/dejected though it's like the 321953252143rd time i lost. I can only understand how HuiJun felt while he lost. Used to be like that but somehow, there was this weird optimism and faith in me that told me something good will happen but just not this game. So i happily gave away $8 for the company of 3 friends! Hahaha

Then we woke at 1+pm, watched some stupid movie on my comp, laughed at the nude scenes, and left for sunshine place to have lunch. Then we chatted. One hell of a long chat on friendship and such.

Conclusion:

1. We humans have got such interesting behavior and thoughts, perhaps the reason for things like sociology and psychology.

2. Humans are multi-faceted creatures. Each and eveyone's unique and we have to respect other's way of doing things though it may not be your best way of doing things.

3. Communication, communication, communication

4. Never be too assertive, judgemental, assuming, infering too much or not even infering at all. Things may not be as simple/complex as they seem. But this is really hard

5. Being superficial's not the way to go. It's never the way to go.

6. Do not be too defensive and have an open mind. Others do not critique you without a reason. You may have your point but it wont hurt to hear what others have to say.

7. Do not expect people to change for you, changes begins with you. People with half a brain will recieve the signals and will know what to do. Save for some with terrible EQ.

8. Don't procrastinate.

9. There's such a thin line between him not being your friend and treating hm as an outsider

10. We're all friends afterall, friends are for life, cherish it.

11. I'm never going to host Mahjong in my house again, i always lose.

yeap that's all. I think i'm gonna be pretty serious about point number 11. It really is always like that. Sigh..

I feel so weird not studying when i should be. Yeah, weird. Not even guilty. I think i'm in love with studying <3 lol

Random

2007-06-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

Alrighty, half way through the mid-years! Doesn't feel much like an exam. Everyone's saying they're screwed cause they didn't study and everyone is saying that, even my classmates(They're hardcore "A" students..). Hmm, i don't feel so bad now. As they say, misery loves company. Haha! And, everyone's enjoying themselves, just like i do. Waiting for my khakis to arrive before we gonna start on Mahjong. Yes, it's the middle of the exams alright.

_______________________________________________

The past papers were pretty bad. Very bad infact. Chem paper 3 was like omfgwtfidontknowhowtodothisandicantrememberwhatthisis kind of thing. That was screwed.

Maths was pretty okay, questions were manageable but you can always count on me to make the most careless of mistakes and throw away marks for every other question.

I had super low expectation of my performance on econs. I already thought of my explanation to the econs teacher for my going-to-be incredibly sucky performance. Only sniffed out the notes like yesterday, the night before the exams. Studied from 9pm till 3am and went for exam almost not knowing anything. Surprisingly i had loads of stuff to write but i'm afraid it may be crap in the teacher's opinion. But i think i did pretty okay for the time i put in. :)

Physics paper 3 was pretty much like chem paper 3. It was in the afternoon after econs. Totally didnt felt like an exam cause i've got no confidence in all of the questions and i'm going to do so damn bad i'll have Ms Lin checking on whatever i do. Damn. It's going to suck.

__________________________________________________

Anyway now i know why Singapore has got the fastest SMS-er. I believe our education plays a part. There's no way you will not be hercules in the world of fingers if you're a JC student taking any humanities subject. You get strong, strong fingers from having the need to write so damn much. Got myself a swollen ring-finger on my right hand from all the writing. And, my right ring-finger is crooked. Must be all the 11 years of holding the pen... 4 years of French horn left me with a slightly crooked left pinky and excess skin on my left thumb too. LoL

___________________________________________________
I love power naps. You'll feel like you've been sleeping for long though it's only been like 10-15 mins and you feel so energised after that. But then, the energy lasts for only about as long as you sleep =/

And i always seem to be able to dream when i sleep in the day. Had a very bad dream one day. Wasnt the normal sort of nightmare but one in which everything around you was screwed up and things do not go your way, especially relationships and all i remembered was i woke up a very sad boy. But the consolation was that it was just a dream. :) But the possibilities of what may happen is so very real if i were to think of it. *shrugs*

__________________________________________________

And, a proof for the ever-so-artificial argument against globalisation for its "negative impacts on our culture and errosion of our moral values with the bombardment of advertisement and media."

Found it real funny and couldn't help myself but check out the site. Hmmm, i am now so damn sure of my sexual orientation. Not that i've had problems with it. Haha, it's just plain gross omg.

_________________________________________________________

Well, till another day!

Happy Birthdy to me.

2007-06-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

Yes, i do hope i'll lead a very happy existence for the 18th year in life. I think i'll better remind myself about my birthday before time runs out. Haha

Not the most perfect start to a new age.

When i turned 18,

1st sound made: Orh. - to acknowledge my dad cause he woke me up.

1st word i said: Fuck. - the bloody water heater was off and the water was freezing my ass off.

1st conversation i made: With my mom. We were having a tiff on the water heater issue. She ALWAYS turn it off when i'm about to bathe. She KNOWS how much i hate it but she just does it anyway. For the past 6-7 years already. I think this issue's here to stay. But we're cool now, :) till she decides to turn it off when i bathe again.

1st thing i did in school: To use the toilet nearest to my class. LoL

1st paper i took: GP. Damn it. Let's not elaborate.

1st brunch: Ba Chor Mee at Teck Whye. Oh well, was hungry and the rest of them wanted to eat at the coffeeshop.

1st grocery shopping: 10 oranges. They're damn nice. From South Africa and it's Sunkist, The flesh's red and it's sweet. Absolutely love it. And 3 beers, hahaha

1st person to send me a birthday message: MingHao. Thanks mate!

1st sin i committed: NOT YET, WAHAHAHA. Longest record for me. Bet all the guys know what i'm refering to. WAHAHAHA

1st present i received: It's set to be after mid-years but then i'm not expecting anything at all.
Ehh wait. I think it's the air-con my mom paid someone to fix. She says it's for ME when everyone's enjoying it as well.

ahh, shall not continue this. Otherwise the 1st subject to fail will be chem. But GP's running a high risk too. Damn.

I hate myself

2007-06-17T02:36:00.000+08:00

Down to my last day on Earth. As a Seventeen year-old at least. Very quickly, i'm going to be Eighteen. The magic numbers 1 and 8 combined.

I just do not feel like eighteen or being eighteen. Eighteen's regarded as the coming-of-age of a person into adulthood in many countries/societies/religion. And i seriously do not think i've come of any age.

Coming of age, as i would believe, is when a person has achieved a certain mental, emotional of maturity. I certainly have not achieved that. I'm bloody immature. I'm myopic (pun not intended). I've got such a narrow view of things and not only does it affect my social skills, i believe it's reflected in my GP essays as well. =/ Oh well.

Come to think of it, i've not done anything that i can be proud of. Nothing at all. If you've got any suggestions on what i've done/achieved that's commendable, do let me know, it may make me feel better. There really is nothing:

I'm not really good in any sports, am only mediocre in sports at best.

Barely making the cut to stay in my class. Not counting being top5 in class from the bottom consistently as something laudable. Got 10 points for L1R5, seems not bad, but it's quite very poor when compared to everyone around.

Made lots of friends, none of them close enough to actually confide in. No one confides in me anyway. I believe i always portray this constant 'high' and optimism and i believe no one really takes me seriously for that. I believe in being optimistic and never to get emotional and hence make biased/flawed decisions/choices that i will most probably look back in shame and regret. So I do watch my mouth alot, though it sometimes fail when i say the darnedest things. Hence, i think i appear quite very passive and it doesn't really portray me as being interested in what's happening to them.

But maybe i'm just odd. As everyone knows, I've never ever had a girlfriend. Not that i've got problems with my own sexual orientation. I'm not gay, I've had my fair load of crushes on the opposite sex. I'm too much of an idiot, too much of a coward, too much of a wimp to convey my thoughts. Ok, i think i did once and it wasn't very pleasant for everyone.

I think i need to grow some backbone. I'm a bloody coward.

Fuck i dont think i can write anymore.

Fuck the self-doubt
Fuck the insecurities
Fuck my foolishness
Fuck i think i do hate myself.

But, to all fathers out there. Happy fathers day.

Sian, real sian

2007-06-16T12:39:00.000+08:00

Definitely not gonna do well for Mid-years, shall work harder after it and be equipped with super powers for Prelims, haha.

Uploaded my SG's presentation. Never fails to entertain, even after watching it for close to 20 times already. Really miss the times back at NTU. Such a shame it's all over.

Here's the video. Our task was to market Singapore as an education hub. Really think they've done a good job. They only had 1 and a half days to do it and i think it's terrific!

Back to books now!

I Die

2007-06-13T19:27:00.000+08:00

Must say, i'm in quite deep shit. There just isn't enough time to study. Damn the school for pushing forward the holidays. Down to my last week and i've still got tons of things to go through. Die.

I've got my vodka ^_^ Hahaha, thanks so much Olivia!

Here're some funny clips :D

Japanese Tetris - Watch more free videos

Japanese Treadmill Challenge - Watch more free videos

How To Escape A Fart - Watch more free videos

The Japanese are really a creative lot. No wonder they've got some of the most advanced R&D facilitities around. Haha

and my head's a mess

2007-06-11T16:37:00.000+08:00

Not the most motivating of days i suppose.

I'm determined to make it right.

Supposed to have an SG outing today. Too bad, lots of people couldn't make it or did not know about it. Apparently lots of them did not reply Suxin.

Will need a sign from heaven to decide if i should start calling a few people to go to the airport and get Olivia. I think it'll be very cool of us as an SG to go there and welcome her. And, i'll really want her to help me get vodka. I don't know how but it'll certainly help if we were to meet her.

Oh well, going back to chem. Really lacking in motivation. Damn

Whistle for the Choir...

2007-06-09T03:09:00.000+08:00

OK!! Today is one of those unusually positive days. Not sure why but i can't seem to stop smiling.

Perhaps being kept at home for 1, 2, 3, 4 days without going out makes one mad. Quite mad indeed. The furthest i went was 25 steps away from my gate to the dumpster. -.- Tonight (8/6/07) was the exception though!!!!! I went all the way to Shop 'n' Save, about 10 minutes walk away. Woah~ -_- lol

Was awfully disappointed in the morning. Was bloody determined to wake at 8am to start on work but the sub-conscious lazy-ass of me turned the alarm off and when i woke, i woke with my ass scorched by the afternoon sun blazing in all its glory at 12pm. But i soon became a smiling idiot for god-knows-what reason (:

Ok, maths all day. Nothing interesting about that. If you wanna hear some eqns, do feel free to request. LoL. Anyway stumbled upon this gem.

It's a band call The Fratellis. Bloody brilliant music. The kind of music to lift your mood. (:
The songs(at least of what i've heard) are pretty upbeat and pretty much makes you wanna hop around and sing to the catchy lyrics (:

And yea, i haven't really acquired a thing for choirs (Seen in my title). It's the title of 1 of their song. Damn cute song. The type you write to impress your girl and i pretty much bet it'll sweep her off her feet. Makes me smile like mad. Just like the idiotic grin i wore throughout the day. I'm mad.

Here's the playlist i found on imeem.com!

The Fratellis

And, here's the lyrics to Whistle for the Choir (:

Well it's a big, big city and it's always the same
Can never be too pretty; tell me your name
Is it out of line if I were so bold to say 'Would you be mine?'

Because I may be a beggar and you maybe the queen
I know I may be on a downer, I'm still ready to dream
Now it's 3 o'clock the time is just the time it takes for you to talk

So if you're lonely why did you say you're not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go
And know me no you don't even know me
You're so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible

Well it's a big, big city and the lights are all out
But it's much as I can do you know to figure you out
And I must confess, my heart's in broken pieces and my head's a mess

And it's 4 in the morning, and I'm walking along
Beside the ghost of every drinker here who has ever done wrong
And it's you, woohoo, that's got me going crazy for the things you do

So if you're crazy, I don't care you amaze me
Oh you're a stupid girl, oh me, oh my, you talk, I die, you smile, you laugh, I cry
And only a girl like you could be lonely
And it's a crying shame, if you would think the same
A boy like me's just irresistible

So if you're lonely, why did you say you're not lonely
Oh you're a silly girl, I know I hurt it so
It's just like you to come and go

And know me, no you don't even know me
You're so sweet to try, oh my, you caught my eye
A girl like you's just irresistible

Nice eh? (:

Anyway been thinking about it. I think I'm gonna go looking for work after the Prelims(If it's around September). Yea you heard it right, after the prelims. I figure by prelims(Or September) i should pretty much know everything i should know for the "A" levels and all i'll need is practise. I think i can juggle between practise and work. If others can, why can't I? Of course i'm not overestimating myself. I'm still thinking. Oh well, it all depends on when the prelims are. And of course if i can't cope that well, i wont work for sure.

I believe i need a haircut. It's a bush that's growing on my head. And i noticed, I look like an idiot when i smile/grin. (No difference between the 2 nouns for me). I look more sane when i do not smile(not necessarily being stern).

Ok, i think i should sleep. It's quite mad to be still up at this hour.

Oh yea, check out the playlist, bet you'll love it. If we share the same great taste for music (:

I'm still very happy. Only god knows the reason. lol.

P.S Something is weird about the way i think. And no, i'm not under the influence of alcohol (:

SLOs BBQ

2007-06-06T01:12:00.000+08:00

Damn fun it was! We had the BBQ yesterday on 5/6/07

Met up earlier with group of cluster 4 ppl to get the stuff for the BBQ. Had loads of fun =)

BBQ was ok i guess. Nothing much to say about it really. Just like any other BBQ. But i did enjoyed myself when we were getting the food, preparing the food and of course when we were eating the food =)

Hmm, that's all. Sucky entry isnt it?

Anyway i'm in pretty deep shit for my academics. I'm real slow.

And, here's my current favourite song. I think i'll do away with the song that's going to be auto-played. I think i should not impose upon others to listen to my songs lol.

Really like this song. At least for now. Not sure why but i do like the lines alot. Listen to it =)

This is my song. At least for now.

Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin

Pat's BBQ

2007-06-04T01:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm, today (3/6/07) was Pat's 18th Bday!!! WOo~ Happy Birthday dude!

Patrick's like one of the coolest guy i know. He's fit, macho, plays decent soccer, has got good grades (real good), is a student councillor and he's quite a good looker. All the best mate!

Ok, met up with about 7 other guys in my class in Lot 1 to get him a present. Got him a T-shirt in the end. Journey there was pretty cool. Chatted with Ben and Zong all the way and the journey didnt even seem that long. The trip from Jurong East to Pasir Ris will usually make me so sick and lethargic that strips me of my energy and i'll stone and zone out. But not today! Damn interesting to hear of their Pre-U sem experience. Heard some pretty scary things that i was completely oblivious to during pre-U sem. Shan't say much about that. ;)

Then the BBQ was quite alright, had so much food we almost threw up. Kai Siang even went to look for a toilet so he could probably cut his stomach some slack from all that he ate. Patrick had anticipated about 30+ people but only around 15 came. Not that he's not popular. The poor turnout was probably due to him telling all that he had invited about 30+ and since everyone thought everyone else was gonna come, they didnt come for fear that it's going to be too crowded. Well, we had quite a lot of room at the BBQ pit....

And damn, didnt get to bowl. The entire block got redeveloped and i was so damn disappointed. ARRRGH, I WANNA GO BOWLING!!! I totally suck at it but i think it's bloody fun :) Damn. We were searching for entertainment before the BBQ cause they just started setting up when we got there. Zong didnt get to play his pool too.

Then journey back was fun as well. We discussed on our Singapore's education system. Just like a mini class discussion, just that it was in the MRT and i think everyone in the cabin could hear our discussion. Ben's not a soft talker. Haha. Anyway it's real cool to discuss this kind of things some times. Puts your mind to work and it's quite cool to hear other's views on topics like these.

And, Olivia has got good taste. She says the only beer she drinks is Hoegaarden and i know why. It's real good. Definitely better than Carlsberg or Tiger or Heineken. Carlsberg has got this garbage smell which i don't really know why but it's rather disgusting. Tiger is ok ok only, it tastes rather rough. (I don't know how good of an expression this is cause i can't find a better word to describe it lol). Hoegaarden totally doesn't have that garbage smell and it's pretty nice. I usually can't finish a can of Tiger on my own and i get a little overwhelmed(slightly drunk) when i finish it. Heogaarden just felt... nice! Cool, and i dont really find it bitter like the other beers.

Hmmm, still have got lots of things to accomplish tomorrow. Shall go to sleep. I think the English i'm using now is pretty bad. They aren't in the least bit coherent. Oh well.

Marvellous Wedsnesday I had (:

2007-06-01T02:15:00.000+08:00

Ok, on weds, had physics in the morning which i totally was not paying attention. Got back Physics test and got 24/35. That elusive 1 mark to deny me an A again. Come to think of it, i've not had a Single "A" grade for all subjects this year so far. I think.

After that, went to library for a quick moment before going to lunch with Chao yi and Chear. Slacked for about 2 hours before going home and to prepare for SG13 Outing!!!!

Ok, i was the organiser. I totally shouldn't be cause every other SLO had their SGs initiating and planning while i was thrown the task of organising one...... But, I had quite a fair bit of fun i suppose!

We went to MindCafe. Played a few board games and had our dinner there. Hmmm, the Jenga: Truth or Dare can be potentially embarrassing. The Sanctuary in PJ has got a set of it and i (and the rest of my friends) have never thought it could be that lame. Oh well, when you're outside and what you have to do is for all to see, it does get a little embarrassing to be doing something so lame, such as to pretend you're walking a tight rope.

Oh well. But the Truth or Truth part that included everyone was pretty funny! Hmmm, we were all supposed to come up with a question that all had to answer. Janice's question was "Who would you like to sleep with here, but not to marry." That was considered too raunchy for us and it would very much make us all feel awkward. That question was left unanswered. Hahaha, now we know what Janice is up to.....

At around 9pm, people had to leave already. So after much deliberation on where to go and what to do, it was left to me, olivia, zhi yi, teng yeow and jun jie. Went down to Marina Square to bowl but it was packed and the waiting list was bloody long. So went to the arcade to watch teng yeow and jun jie play time crisis while me, olivia and zhi yi stoned.

Then we chilled out somemore in the bowling alley before deciding to just go. Ok, we chatted quite a fair bit and we definitely know more about each other.

Apparently, Olivia has this weird phobia of deep water and she says she'll switch the channel if there're documentories on the ocean etc. And, she's also afraid of snwolc. She can't even stand the word. Ok, the phobia of snwolc is understandable because i can remember very vividly my first encounter with them where i completely freaked out and broke down. That was like when i was 3-4 years old. I'm still afraid of them playing sinister/spooky/monstrous/twisted characters in movies because i just find them bloody awful. snwolC are supposed to be the ones that play the role of being cute/funny/manipulated fools, but when they're twisted into murderous characters that get all sinister and evil, they're frightening. I believe this fear of clowns is called coulrophobia.

Ok, that's all about clowns for this post.

I'm such a sucker for wasting this entire day(Thursday) away. I've gotta buck up.

Totally enjoying myself.

2007-05-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

Ok, I've been a complete and utter slop for the past 3 days.

Eat.
Sleep.
Watch TV.
Surf net.
Watch somemore TV.
Eat more
Surf more net
Sleep.

Total couch potato, whooo~ still not exactly feeling the guilt. LoL

Anyway just watched Click, with Adam Sandler in it. Yea, old movie and i downloaded it. Hmm, the part where he was dying was seriously quite emo! Oh my.... Take away from the movie: Family first.

And here're the links to the photos. From my phone's camera as well as Yu Wei's. Haven't gotten the file from Teng Yeow yet.

My link: http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2091703687

YuWei's: http://picasaweb.google.com/me.yuweii/PreUniversitySeminar200702?authkey=sHgqkT0jOdU

Hmm, and i seriously wonder why i get into those weird poses or lousy faces. LoL.

Wonder who i was showing that face to.

Caught!: For checking out that chio bu from other SGs.

I had wanted to pretend i was a ninja using the college windbreaker. Particpants were in the Auditorium i think.

Pre-U Seminar 2007

2007-05-26T14:31:00.000+08:00

Ok, this magical event was hosted by PJC. And dang i'm glad that i was able to be part of this event.

Was the Student Liason Officer (SLO) for Seminar group (SG) 13!!!!!!!!!!1.
Had really looked forward to this thing especially after having met my group members. Love them to bits.

Short summary of what i went through:
Slept late. Woke up damn early. Made morning calls. Ate left overs. Lots of meals. Lots of free time in Auditorium. Rushing like mad when participants are around. Lots of bus rides. Briefings. Briefings. More briefings.

Okay, i've basically got the nicest group ever. (I'm sure every SLO feels that way!). I've got participants from lots JCs and Polys except some and i think they rock. Ok, save the fact that they were all a little flat on the first day during the teambuilding games, except the human foosball when they were all hyped up!

Anyway, each group was supposed to complete a Special task that's to be completed in their Seminar groups. Ours was to market Singapore as an Education hub and for our learning journey, we went to Hwa Chong International School. That was on the lovely monday afternoon. Okay, all of us were quite thrilled to be able to go into one of Singapore's top institution's international school. Okay, it's a pretty cool school that has got around 260 students now. It can hold a maximum of around 1000 students and so, it's a pretty much a empty school. Because it's a privately funded school with no funding from the government at all, it has got quite exorbitant school fees. $1200 a month. That's cool eh? Anyway for private schools like this, education is purely business and you've got to have measures for it to stay in business. But i think its greatest draw is that you'll have classmates from around Asia and maybe some Westerners as well. But half the school's population are made up of locals.

Shit happened there though, i lost my group members. Hahaha! I was like holding the door for the school's principle to past with the first group of students but when i was done with the mates at the back, i couldnt find them anywhere. Hmmm, got owned man. They were in the hall.

Well, for Pre-U sem, there were lots of time that was spent at the Auditorium and around the Auditorium as well for the participants. With the Panel Discussions and Parallel Presentations. I find all these thoroughly interesting affairs cause you get to see the most creative of presentations. Ok, but lots of people fell asleep cause they were all suffering from a disease called camp. Managed to catch only CJC's presentation with PCK as the lead character for their skit. Pretty interesting skit and i found it to be quite very funny. Their project was about Singlish as being uniquely Singapore. It really isnt(Singlish as being uniquely Singapore) if you were to ask me. Proper English is the way to go for Singapore, though Singlish can be used to inject some humour.

And while they had their time in the Audiotium or Lecture theatres for the Panel Discussions and Presentations, we SLOs were briefed on the next day's happenings or were given time to rest and eat. We sure are well fed! We get to eat all the food that the participants had but only after when they've had their share. During the resting time, we SLOs just slacked and rotted and played games or sleep. Bonding time for us SLOs. It's damn fun to hang around with Zong and Siang and Ikhsan and Martin, not forgetting the whole of Cluster 3! I really loved the sessions when Ikhsan, Martin and I were trying to speak in accents from all over the world. From speaking in Brik-ish to talking abouut the leprachauns and their shillalies in eere-lah-nd. It was all so damn funny!!! It was those times that perked me up despite me being extremely sleep depraved.

When we're back at the hostel, it's down to group discussions for the Project. The discussions started on the 2nd night (Tues night). I rushed to the computer room to "chopp" them a conducive place for their discussion. They were all arguing and deliberating on their mode of presentation(Over what fruits to use or if we should include aliens. LoL right?) and it was getting scary for me sometimes when i see people shooting other people at their lack of participation (People stoning). But that was all about their first ever discussion together as a group and they started on their task later in the evening.

Hmm, they created a movie which included the animations from the software they've learnt. I really liked the part on the admissions where the pages flipped on its own. That was stop-motion. Nothing interesting about it really but i really like the way the pages move. Haha

Their work totally rock lah. Too bad 13 wasn't one of the lucky numbers chosen for the presentation. It's all pre-determined, in case they've not noticed.

Janice is a very good director! Very impressed by her. Leonard and Teng Yeow were *ahem* lousy actors...... Hahahaha. They were damn funny when they acted lah! Li Lin and Preeti weren't bad at all when they did their part! Good work guys! And i forgot how i spent the bulk of Weds afternoon. I wasn't with the rest of the group and i cant remembered if there were briefings or anything. All i know was that i didnt spend time with them. Weird. I doubt i'll ever forget the mad rush we had in the lounge when we were all trying to burn our work into the CD and it was past the 11pm deadline already. We were all cheering on Ying Ling and a couple of others and Juanhe as well who ran all the way to Seminar Room 12 to submit the work. He came back all triumphant as he announced his success in handing over the disc!

And we got to go to the Istana! Lovely place that is. Lush green lawns carpeted the Istana grounds. The round fountain was the centre piece of the lower lawn, which seemed to emit this feeling of cool and refreshment amidst the sweltering afternoon heat (You could've fried an egg on the ground in the temperature). Perfect weather i would say, as Mr President graced the event , spending time speaking to participants of Pre-U sem , set in the background of the setting sun. We got to enjoy pretty good food too! And seriously, Mr President's conversation topic was a little unusual, about which part of India my participant's family/ancestors came from. Oh well. Janice and LiLin got to take photos with the 1.9m guy. He's huge.

Our meals were in Canteen 13. Not exceptionally great food but it's good enough i suppose. Western and Korean food were popular. Chinese food wasn't bad but Vietnamese food didnt enjoy brisk business. Don't know why but there just weren't any queues for that stall. Ice-Cream waffles were the best. It's best to order "having here" rather than to take away because you'll get the ice-cream dripping all over your arms. Anyway, group 13 got to enjoy al-fresco dining lol. We were allocated seats outside the canteen (:

The briefings were most abhorred. It took away most time spent with the participants when everyone's in the hostel and it's totally disgusting. No doubt we had to be briefed on the next day's happenings but just make it short and sweet and spare us the theatrics. I do find it damn important to be notified of the changes to the plans stated in the list and that how the arrangements are to be carried out for the groups. But then, some people just have to start acting cute infront of everyone. Really can't stand how inconsistent 2 cluster leaders were. If they want to pretend to be nice, then please, do not divulge your true form and start being grouchy when you're tired. Everyone's tired. Can't stand it at all. And, to hell with the close-your-eyes crap. OMG!!! DO YOU THINK WE WEREN'T MOVITED?!?! If we appeared restless/unmotivated/not driven/turned off, it's because all of us were either exhausted or pissed by the amount of time taken away from our SGs. And if you haven't noticed, you(cluster leaders and teachers) enjoyed 2 good days when your briefings the previous nights were kept short and sweet so that everyone listened and were able to focus. Sometimes, we may not be able to be 100% compliant to your plans because we are humans and we definitely make mistakes. But then again, all the teachers and cluster leaders does deserve the effort spent for this Pre-U sem! You guys are human too (: Million thanks to you people. I think WeiLiang is the best.

Ok, that's a pretty long paragraph on the briefings. Now for my reflections on the event:

It's definitely a dream. I've never felt that real and that much assurance from everyone around me, my group mates, partner, fellow SLOs and even my room mate Harold lol. Hmm, i really really think this is such a magical thing and it's such a shame that this has to end so soon. 5 days passed too quickly.

I really like each of my group members, each and everyone of them were unique and special individuals. Thanks so much to them that i learnt so much about myself.

From out chit-chat sessions in smaller groups, got to kow more about the lives of my group members. Really admire their determination and drive in their quest to achieve their goals. Made me realise how unmotivated i am and my lack of talent. Now i know the kind of competition i'm up against for the "A" levels from the top colleges. I believe its their attitude and unfaltering mindset that'll allow them to achive great things. All the best to them and all the best to me in my quest of becoming a monk! For the next 5 months at least to prepare for the "A" levels. I really want to achieve my goals and the most critical of all steps are the bloody exams that lies ahead 5 months from now.

I was so damn down on the last morning. Almost depressed if i can say. Seperation was so so soon. Was really damn sad when i met them at the Exhibition Hall and i almost cried when we got together. Their impact on me was certainly most tremendous and if i can say, it's one of the bestest thing to have happened to me since the Philippines Trip. This short 5-6 days has really been magical. Big boys don't cry.

And also, i had a birthday celebration, meant for the May and June babies among the SLOs. Made a wish. That wish was to postpone the wish till i found something worthy to wish about. And now i know what my wish is. (: For each and every of my group members to achieve what they want!

I miss them so much.

I guess i'll be spamming the pics tmr

Heartwrenching ):

2007-05-25T21:01:00.000+08:00

Aww man, Pre-U sem ended.

Tiring day man. I always hate the last day of everything. It just means separation. Sigh.

Totally emotional draining. Mr Chia left us for VJC now. Let's hope our loss is VJC's gain for having acquired one of the most loved teachers. Never really been taught by him but just from the effort that all of us had seen from him, he totally deserves an award of some kind. So, WeiLiang cried during the farewell party. Girls cried. My heart ached when i saw people crying. Totally sucky feeling.

Oh well, was jaded from the bloody closing ceremony already. I was like holding back my tears and was so close to crying when the music played (If we hold on together). My lips were trembling and i clammed up for fear that i would just cry. When my mates hugged me, it was even worse because tears were so close to flowing. Totally the same thing i felt on the day of departure of the Philippines trip. I guess the impact my mates had on me was just that tremendous.

Oh well, shall have a post on the Pre-U sem tmr. I'm tired. And i do feel like crying. I'm pretty emo huh?

Pre U Sem meeting(12/5/2007)

2007-05-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, it's outdated but i think i'll just blog about it anyway.

PRE-U SEM STUFF LAST SATURDAY!! (12/5/2007)

Ok, I'm an SLO and i'm in charge of group 13. Wooo~ I think i like my group. I really do. Oh well, they seem like those fun type, just that we weren't exactly that high. That's gonna be my job i suppose!

Hmmm, my sister didnt teach me how to remove the SIM card from her phone and so i left house without a phone with Camera function. (I know i sound like a loser not knowing how to switch SIM cards..) AHHH, so no pics ):

Damn, i was supposed to have the same phone. F*** the thief who stole my wallet. Refer to my Feb archives for details.... LoL

Anyway, my group's pretty cool when it comes down to business. Ideas shot from here and there when we were all discussing on our special task. I've got smart group mates (:

Hmmm, really looking forward to pre-U sem. It's so hard to contain my excitement, i'm like trying my very level best to not zoom around telling people how much fun i'm going to have (I think i'm going to have) at Pre-U sem! LoL. Anyway, whenever i've got high hopes of something, things always fall short. SO i'll be keeping my fingers crossed! Let's hope shit doesn't happens..

Hahaha, oh well, shall go prepare for Chem SPA Skill A already.